There are a lot of ways to get over a breakup. There are certain things you can do and ways to change your perception that help you get on the mend faster and even productively. So when you’re feeling down and like you may never feel better again, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to mend while pushing yourself to grow. Always remember that you will get through it. Trust me! Read on for 11 uplifting ways to get over a breakup and get on with your most important journey of all - yours!
1. Have Sad Time
One of the most important ways to get over a breakup, ironically, is to not avoid it! Allow yourself to feel sad when you walk by that awesome Chinese restaurant the two of you loved to frequent together. Feel the emotion, cry it out and don’t try to force it away or hide it. It doesn’t help - you have to let yourself feel sadness! Just give yourself a rule: there is “sad time,” meaning, only let yourself dwell on the sadness, completely, for a little bit. Then, get up and move on with your day!
2. Reflect on What You Learned
After the breakup, it’s very important for your growth and your future relationships to reflect on what you learned. Note what you did and didn’t like about yourself and your actions in the relationship, both in the good times and in the bad. This focus on your past relationship as a stepping stone will also shift the focus from the sadness and your ex to yourself! You’ll start to see that it was an experience and chapter in your life that was meant to be opened and closed. This perspective is extremely healing over time.
3. See It as Beautiful
Okay, whether you're the one who initiated the breakup or not, everyone knows the guy is awful - for you. He didn’t pick up his dirty socks, buy you enough flowers or dress nicely enough! But once you’re able to move forward from the bad and negative thoughts about him and see the relationship as the beautiful connection it was, you’ll also start to heal. The fact is, every relationship between two people is beautiful, whether it was long-lasted, short-lived, long-distance or doomed to end. Connections and sharing with our fellow humans is one of the greatest things and something we live to have more of in our life daily. See the relationship for the beauty it did have, and replace that negative label!
4. Find Your Happy Place
You just lost a happy place when you lost your ex. Find your new happy place, or rekindle an old one. Is it the beach, a hidden trail near your house, or maybe even just on a yoga mat in your room. We all have individual instincts and centers of happiness that come from inside - regardless of any external events or people. Find this happy place (you’ll know when you do) and visit it often! Hey, it may not even be a specific place...it may be anywhere you open a good book or feel a sense of calm.
5. Find Your Power Song
One of the very best things you can do is find something external that gives you strength, like a song! Find a few power songs that you connect with quickly. Maybe it’s the lyrics or the sad tune that reminds you of the pace in your relationship. Maybe it’s a pumped-up angry song about leaving behind something that didn’t fit you. Whatever your power songs, put them on a playlist, and take them with you to-go! You may need them!
6. Find Your Mantra
Just like a power song, a mantra is a personal statement that helps you heal, feel strong and move forward. Maybe you feel a sense of freedom, relief or as if you have a broken wing? Whatever that mantra, make sure it’s kind, healing and a bit strengthening. Repeat it when you need it, and remember: it’s yours! Post your mantras via stickie note in your car, your house and your desk at work. Write on your bathroom mirror with a whiteboard marker. Can’t think of a mantra? Start with the most basic of all: Smile!
7. Write It out
Sometimes, writing (or maybe even speaking and recording) out how you feel or where you may be in the healing stage is a helpful process. By making yourself communicate, you’ll be able to tap into your deepest feelings and maybe let go of things that will help you move forward. Maybe you like to write by hand in a journal, or in a public (yet anonymous) blog where someone from across the country can comment on your words. Use whatever works best for you!
8. Use That Sadness
Some of the best art, music and movements have come from sadness! Not to say that sadness or melancholy is good and that you should sulk often, but sometimes going through something is giving you an opportunity to express yourself. Use your sadness to create! Finally pick up that guitar and write a song, or draw, paint, mold, quilt, craft - anything! Make sweet handmade cards for your friends and family that are supporting you, or make something special for your home. Find something that makes your heart sing, and you’ll see that sadness can sometimes be productive. Also, the times when you create will probably be your most peaceful and healing. See if you think about the breakup at all when you get really into what you’re doing!
9. Look Ahead
Make sure you look ahead and trudge forward! A great way to look ahead from a past breakup is to write a list of what you did and didn’t like. Even better, write a list of what you’re looking for in a mate. These processes are a part of looking ahead and moving forward. Make sure you think in terms of what you think you deserve in a future partner, what will benefit your future and what most makes you feel happy and supported.
10. Move Forward
Move forward, move forward, move forward. Keep this in mind! Stop looking at his Facebook or checking his Twitter account every morning. Give yourself less and less time to feel sad and stop bringing him up in every conversation. Reward yourself! Each step and absence of talk about the breakup is a step in the right direction. Make sure you notice when you make these small achievements and pat yourself on the back.
11. Focus on You
Okay, so you’ve utilized all these tactics and small personal achievements to begin healing. By now you’re probably feeling slightly better, slightly stronger and probably even more knowledgeable about your own character and what you want. So, make sure moving forward you focus on yourself! You may meet a cute guy at your local coffee shop, and it may seem that when you become single all types of guys just pop out of the woodwork, but keep the focus on your life! Even when dating or beginning to crush on someone new, remember how far you’ve come, and how much you deserve to focus on yourself. Keep your mantras, songs and art tactics at-bay, and never let go of who you are.
After getting over a breakup, you’ll be much better off and ready to potentially dive into another relationship - wiser, stronger and with a past love tucked away. Or, maybe you’ll want to spend quite a bit of time on your own. Remain true and kind to yourself, and do what makes you happy. What other things helped you get over a breakup? Do tell!