7 Warning Signs of a Controlling Partner That You Should Pay Attention to ...
By Corina • 26 Comments
By Corina • 26 Comments
If you believe that lately your significant other has become more concerned with controlling you than with making you happy and you fear that their behavior has started to interfere with your well-being, then maybe you should pay attention to these next few warning signs of a controlling partner, so you will know if you should take some action in order to correct their behavior. There is a very thin line between a controlling and a loving partner and sometimes you may not even realize you have a problem, even though most of your friends and family members tell you the opposite. We all try to control our partner in a subtle way and we all wish we could improve or change certain things about them. Yet, you shouldn’t let this urge turn you into someone you’re not, someone who manipulates other people to get what they want. Experts have concluded that somebody might be tempted to act in such a manner because they are “scared of that vulnerability that comes with loving and trusting someone.” Most of the people who behave this way have been hurt before, they have been betrayed by someone that they cared deeply about or they may have grown up observing relationships in which such a behavior was considered to be the natural thing to do. Here are a few pretty obvious warning signs of a controlling partner that you should pay attention to, if you think that your partner’s behavior has change significantly lately, and not in a good way:
One of the most obvious warning signs of a controlling partner is the fact that you notice that lately you’ve lost contact with your loved ones, your friends, your family members or even your work colleagues. Your partner may not allow you to go out with them, they may not let you answer your phone when your friends are calling, not to mention answer the comments or messages they left you on your Facebook account. If you’ve started to miss all those people you care about and the person who is to blame for this situation is your partner, maybe you should do something and not allow them to isolate you.
A controlling partner might use tactics such as guilt trips or excessive negativity about the people you love, to gradually erode these relationships. They might even create scenarios or tell lies to make you doubt those who care about you. Their objective? To be the sole focus of your attention and affection, effectively cutting you off from a support network that could help you see the reality of your situation and potentially intervene. This loss of contact isn't a mere coincidence—it's a strategic move that can trap you in an unhealthy dynamic.
Also, if you’ve noticed that your partner has different rules for you than they have for themselves, if they don’t allow you to do certain things but they get upset when you ask the same from them, you should realize that maybe your significant other is trying to control you and you should try to find out if they do this on purpose or unintentionally. For example, do they flip out if you want to spend time with your friends but they see nothing wrong if they go out with their friends every night or even flirt with other people? Pay attention to these signs, so you’ll know if you need to do something to change this situation.
Experts have concluded that there are two types of behavior in the financial area of a controlling partner. On one hand, there is the partner who doesn’t get involved financially in the relationship, who doesn’t help pay the bills, who doesn’t assume any financial responsibility. On the other hand, there is the other type of controlling partner who is in charge of the money, who decides how much they will spend and on what, who doesn’t give their partner any money, even though they’ve earned it and who doesn’t let their partner in on many or most of the financial decisions that concern both of them.
Does your partner offer you any support or any encouragement when you need it or is it always all about them? Are they by your side when things don’t work out the way you planned they would? Do they try to cheer you up when you’re feeling a little bit down or are they always thinking about themselves and too busy to notice that you have a problem? In a healthy relationship, both partners should encourage and support each other and not focus only on their individual needs.
Is your partner constantly trying to change you? Do they justify their attitude by saying that they are actually trying to improve you, to make you better but in reality they just want to change you to better suit their needs? This is one of the traits most controlling people possess and they might not do this only with you, but with other people as well. They feel the need to always be in control of everything and they expect people to behave the way they want; if not, they demand them to do so.
A controlling partner usually considers that they are always right, that they didn’t do anything wrong and that you are to blame for all the things that go wrong in your relationship. In fact, you could even say that they are a phobic about blame, since it’s never their fault, only yours and of course, other people’s. It’s pretty hard to work on a compromise with them, because they think that you are the only one who should change something, since their behavior is flawless.
Sadly, most of these relationships become abusive and I’m not talking only about the physical abuse, but also about the emotional abuse. When they lose their trust in you, they will start accusing you of different things and your fights might degenerate into physical altercations or emotional abuse (they could tell you that you are not capable of doing anything right or that you’ll never find someone as wonderful as them who will love and accept you as you are with all your horrible faults).
If you've realized that you are in a relationship where your partner cares more about control and totally neglects all the other aspect of your relationship, like mutual respect, mutual support or romance, then you should do something to change this situation. Just talk to them, try to work it out and think about what you want, what you deserve and what you get from your love life. Have you ever been involved in a relationship with a controlling partner? How did you manage it? Do you know any other signs of a controlling partner that you could tell us about? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section!