When it comes to love, communication and connection are key to a successful relationship. How do you keep the two Cs intact year after year? Follow guest contributor Stephanie Green's guidelines for a happy, loving, everlasting relationship!
When you are in love it seems like the feeling will never fade away. However over time, the first blush of romance does seem to ebb and you are left with a person, fallible and fragile. This loss of ‘rose colored glasses’ spells the doom for many romances; however you can bring back the love. Love is a conscious decision, not a feeling, and it requires upkeep. The best way to rekindle love in your relationship is through communication. Connecting with your partner is the cornerstone to having the kind of loving relationship you both desire. Here are seven ways you can communicate, and connect, with your love:
1. Physical Touch
Since this is one of my personal favorites, I will start with this first. While you may think about sex right off the bat this method of communication is much more than that. Although sex is a physical way to communicate your love, everyday touches are very important as well. Holding hands, giving a massage, or just touching your love’s leg as you drive are all ways to communicate physically with them. Some people do not like to be touched like this but many people do. Regardless of your personal comfort level with touch, you can make certain to let your partner know they are loved through physical touch. Even a pat on the back or sitting shoulder to shoulder can make a big impact on how loved they feel and how loving you feel towards them.
2. Eye Contact
Another way to communicate with your love is through eye contact. While many of us avoid eye contact because of insecurity or fear, it is a powerful way to show love and passion. Holding eye contact with your love can actually increase desire without a single word needing to be spoken. Across the room or across the bed eye contact can tell your love that you want them, love them, and appreciate them. Pair it with a smile and you have a winning combination to get their heart racing.
3. Quality Time
Many people cite a lack of quality time as one of the big reasons their relationship failed. It can be hard to spend quality time with your love when there are distractions like technology, friends and social media everywhere. However you need to spend some time just with them. Turn off your cell phone and the television. Sit quietly with them and just talk for a while about nothing in particular. Stop every day to ask how their day was before you move on with dinner and so on. By setting aside time just for them you are putting them as a priority in your life and they will feel that. Cut out distractions and make sure you spend at least a few minutes every day really concentrating on your love. Even when you are far apart you can make time to talk to your love on the phone or Skype. Make sure to focus just on them and they will feel your love.
4. Positive Words
Everyone likes to be praised. Tell your love when they do a good job, when you are proud of them, and when you love them. I know it will seem strange at first to say so many nice things about them. After all, you don’t want to sound fake or condescending. However if you have the motivation of showing them how much you love them and communicating that effectively then you have no problems. By saying positive things with an honest heart you cannot give offence. Personally, I never get tired of hearing my love tell me how much he loves me. Why should your love get tired of it? Positive words are always welcome, no matter how often they are repeated. I always like to tell my love how proud I am of him when he responds well to difficult people or when he does well at work.
Another way to communicate with your love is through writing. Since I am a writer this one is big for me. I sometimes have trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings out loud. However if I have time to sit and write it down, I can be much more clear and precise. In fact I find that conflict resolution is much easier in written form. If I can write down how I feel and why and email it to my love then he has time to digest it and respond in the right way instead of getting hurt and mad and reacting. I can also keep my temper under control by writing in a calm and logical way instead of speaking in an emotionally volatile moment. While this doesn’t work for every argument, it can be a great way to talk about touchy subjects without getting in a fight. Think about it: it is a lot harder to say something you don’t mean when you have to write it down than it is when you are fighting verbally face to face.
6. Helping out
This one comes naturally to me. When I see a need my love has I want to help him with it. From cleaning up a mess to driving him to the airport for a flight, if there's some thing I can do for him, I do it! Helping your love through action is a powerful way to show your love. As my mother always said, «Love is an action.» While nice words are good, actions speak louder. Look around and think of nice things you can do for them. If they are tired when they get home, you can have dinner waiting for them. If they have been sick and their home looks like a mess help them clean up. You can pick up dry cleaning, take out the dog, answer the phone and so on. Little actions do mean a lot, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.
The last one on my list is gifts. I saved this for last because I usually don’t really care about gifts. However I know that many people do. For many people getting a gift, even a small one like a single flower or an origami crane, makes a big impact on how loved they feel. Include a love note with your gift for a double impact. You can mail the gift as a surprise, drop it off where they work, or give it to them in person. The actual gift doesn’t matter. What matters is that you thought about them and invested in their lives. Sometimes gifts can make a big impact. I remember once I had a series of disasters and was short on money for the month. I asked my love for a few dollars for gas to get to work. He said okay and put the money in my wallet while I went to deal with something else. When I looked in my wallet later I saw he had given me a hundred dollars. While that might not seem like a lot to some people it meant a lot to me at the time. I was so thankful and felt so loved by his gift. Another time he went through a lot of trouble just to find my favorite flowers (out of season) for my birthday. Thoughtful gifts can make a big impact on how a loved one feels.
As you can see it doesn’t take a lot of money or time to communicate with your love. It mostly boils down to thinking about them and putting them first. When you set aside time and effort to think about them, they can feel how loved and important they are to you and that can keep your romance going strong.