We've all heard that Carly Simon song "You're so Vain" right? And we all sometimes have the urge to sing it when that guy, who can't help but look at himself in any reflective surface, walks into the room. You know the guy. We're all vain to a certain extent and sometimes we wear our image like an impenetrable shield. It's when the vanity extends to over confidence and being conceited that we need to take steps to quash the behavior or just move on. If you have a vain boyfriend who takes longer to get ready than you do or who constantly checks to see if all hairs are in their proper place then read on.
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1. Building Confidence
One of the first ways to cope with a vain boyfriend is to try to find the reasons behind his vain behavior. Vanity is often due to a lack of confidence and a fear of not coming across a certain way. The constant preening and checking also often masks extreme vulnerability. You can cope with this vain behavior by showing that you can be vulnerable with him and encouraging him to be vulnerable with you too.
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Acknowledging his achievements and compliments that target his non-physical traits could reinforce a healthier self-esteem. Listen actively to his concerns and fears, providing reassurance that he's valued beyond his appearance. Building a genuine connection and trust can slowly peel away the layers of vanity. By highlighting his inner strengths and talents, you help pave the way for a more secure self-image that relies less on external validation and more on internal appreciation.
2. Compliments
Showing that you love the way your boyfriend looks is another important thing to do to let your boyfriend know that you don't care what he looks like. Compliment him and let him know that he doesn't have to spend hours in front of the mirror in order to look good because you're attracted to him no matter what!
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Compliments are a simple yet powerful expression of admiration that do wonders for your partner's confidence. It's not just about their physical appearance but also praising their personality, sense of humor, or the little quirky things that make them unique. Through genuine and heartfelt words, let him know that his value in your eyes goes beyond the superficial. Remember, it's the sincerity in your voice that will strike a chord with him. A spontaneous "You look great!" or "I love how passionate you are about your hobbies" can instantly bring a smile to his face and reassure him that he's appreciated for who he is.
Frequently asked questions
If your boyfriend is always talking about himself, focused on his looks, and needs constant admiration, he might be vain. Look for signs like him preferring to talk about his achievements, needing to be the center of attention, and being overly concerned with how he looks.
Patience and direct communication work best. Try having an open conversation about how his vanity affects you. It's important to set boundaries and make sure your needs are also being met in the relationship.
It's possible, but it requires them to recognize their behavior and want to change. Encouraging self-awareness and promoting empathy can help, but ultimately, they need to be willing to make the effort.
Ensure you’re not neglecting your own needs. Make time for self-care, set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to seek support from friends or a therapist. Your well-being is important!
There can be many reasons, ranging from insecurity, a need for approval, to how he was raised. Understanding the root cause can help in addressing the issue, but remember, it’s not your responsibility to change him.
3. Comfortable
You need to be truly comfortable with your significant other and this can only be achieved by spending some quality time with him. He certainly has a softer side underneath that mask but you may need to get a little closer to see it. Make sure you're truly comfortable with each other and spend time with each other where it's just you two together. This way he will be able to let down his defenses and show you the real him.
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Understanding each other's vulnerabilities is essential, and creating a safe space for open communication will nurture this connection. Indulge in activities that you both enjoy, away from any distractions that might prevent him from showing his true feelings. Remember, in the tranquility of such moments, genuine emotions are more likely to surface, and you can discover each other's strengths and insecurities. By doing so, you foster a bond that's built on mutual comfort and a deeper level of intimacy.
4. Make a Joke
Nobody wants to fight with their beau but sometimes the vanity can become a real issue. See the funny side of it and joke with him about his vanity. Write some funny notes on the mirror that he keeps checking himself in. He might begin to see that he is annoying you and may modify his behavior as a result. Remember, extreme vanity is down to insecurity so don't berate him too much - have fun with him.
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To keep things lighthearted, you could even stage a mock "Vanity Intervention." Gather some plush toys or funny figurines as your 'support group' and gently tease him about needing an audience for his grooming rituals. Leave a playful 'top 10 reasons you're late' list dominated by mirror-time. Turn your frustrations into laughter—it's a charming and disarming way to nudge him towards self-awareness without hurting his feelings. Just make sure your humor is affectionate and never cutting—laughter should bring you closer, not create a wedge.
5. Build Your Self Confidence
Maybe you also need to increase your own self confidence and perhaps you suffer from low self esteem. One way to cope with a vain boyfriend is to build your own self confidence. Think about why his behavior bothers you.
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Is it because you’re comparing yourself to his polished persona? Keep in mind that self-worth should not be dependent on external validation—especially not from someone preoccupied with their own image. Start by celebrating your strengths and achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Engage in activities that make you feel powerful and fulfilled. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you. And remember, confidence is silent; it doesn’t need to boast or seek attention. Over time, as your confidence grows, your reaction to his vanity may change, helping you to maintain your emotional equilibrium in the relationship.
6. Love His Flaws
I know we no longer reside in caves but the fundamental behaviors sometimes still apply. Remember that men are the hunter gatherers in this concrete jungle we now live in and they programmed to feel as though they must be in control. He may be trying to over compensate for what he sees as his flaws with vanity. Show him you love him by telling him how much you adore him, flaws and all.
7. Last Resort
If the vanity is becoming too much and is putting a strain on your relationship then it may be time to move on. I'm not saying that vanity spells the end of a relationship but if it gets to a point where he is more interested in himself than you or that he is so insecure that he can't think about anyone else, then it might be time to move on.
These are just some of the ways to cope with a vain boyfriend. Do you have a vain boyfriend? How have you coped with his behavior? Has it taken its toll on the relationship?
Sources: ehow.com
Comments
Kayy: I prefer a mans my boyfriend does trim his toes nails, maintain body hair, moisturise etc which i would consider basics. Nothing wrong with it. Its attractive.
Cherry: Nice tips. Do you possibly have some for dealing with a narcissist?
Zanna: My husband is vain. He works out every day and takes really GOOD care of his skin. It used to bother me that he had the time for these things and I never had time. I'm used to it now though. It's become a joke in the household, and even he laughs at himself. For him it's not a lack of confidence or any of that. He just knows he's good looking and doesn't want to lose that yet! ;)
Jennapher: OK, you're so vain "you probably think this song is about you"....there is a big difference between vanity and being vain, in my opinion. We all have vanity, we care about the way we look, we care what other people see, we care about what they think, to one degree or another. For me, being vain means focusing completely on yourself, how YOU look, on how YOU feel, it's all about YOU...speaking for myself, I don't I could ever seriously deal with a vain person. Just reading your list of ways to twist myself into a pretzel to deal with this vain guy exhausts me! Way too much work!
Adea: Jennapher if you love someone for all the good things in them then you try to accept some things (they might be vain)..its about accepting their flaws that gives you the chance and joy to receive the best of them.
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