No matter how many times we say friends come before boyfriends, we all have encountered that one friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend. She spends every minute with him, and when she is not with him, she is talking about him or texting him nonstop. It can get pretty annoying real fast and it can have a huge toll on your friendship. While each friendship is different and can be dealt with in different manners, here are some of my personal ways that I have dealt with a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend.
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1. Change Your Perspective
I know it can be very hard to deal with a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend, but thinking about her point of view could help the situation. Think about how she might be feeling towards her boyfriend. By understanding why she is so intent on spending time with him, you might start to understand and accept her obsession a tad bit more.
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Remember, new relationships are often accompanied by an intense period of infatuation and connection. We've probably all been there at some stage, where we cannot get enough of that new special someone in our life. Empathy is key. It doesn’t mean you condone the neglect of your friendship, but stepping into her shoes can help you approach her with understanding rather than frustration. This shift in your viewpoint might make it easier for you to speak up about your feelings without creating a wedge in your relationship.
2. Give Them Space
It will only make things worse if you, your friend, and her boyfriend are constantly spending time together. It will be a constant reminder of his presence in your friendship. Give them an appropriate amount of space so that they are out of sight and out of mind. This shouldn’t be used as the sole solution to the problem, but it can help ease the tension between you and your friend while you muster up the courage to fix the problem full on.
Frequently asked questions
It's tough, but try to chat when you're both relaxed. Be gentle and honest about how you feel. Let her know you miss hanging out just the two of you.
It can be exhausting! Try steering the conversation to other topics. You can also be upfront and tell her you want to hear about other things in her life too.
Be patient and remind her of all the awesome things she has going for her. Support her, but also help her see that she doesn't need a boyfriend to be happy or complete.
Tell her how you feel. Maybe suggest planning some girls’ nights or activities just for the two of you. It's important to maintain your friendship outside of her relationship.
Set boundaries and be clear about them. It's important for both of you to have healthy, independent lives. If it becomes too much, you might need to take a step back from the friendship.
3. Set Aside Girl Time
It is very important that you and your friend set aside a certain amount of time just for you two. No boy talk, no texting boys, no boy related anything. It is time just for you two to catch up and relax together. Ask for one night a week for just you two, that can’t be too much for your friend to agree to.
4. Use Your Time Wisely
I know it might sound bad, but if your friend insists on spend all of her time with her boyfriend, use that time to better yourself. Read a book, start a new hobby, go out and meet new people. You will be content with improving yourself and your friend will be content with spending time with her boyfriend. It will give you a chance to spend time alone and take your mind off your situation.
5. Tell Her Your Concern
The best thing you can do with a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend is to voice your concern. Tell her that you think she is spending too much time with him and you miss her. Chances are she did not realize that her relationship was affecting others and she will feel sorry. It might be hard, but voicing your concern is the first step in truly solving your problem.
6. Think about the Timing
Most relationships are usually pretty obsessive during the first few weeks or months. It is called “the honeymoon phase” and it is totally normal. When thinking about your friend’s relationship, take into account how long they have been dating. If they are dying to spend every minute together and have only been together for a few weeks, cut them some slack. But if they are still obsessed with each other and it has been a year, their relationship can be considered unhealthy and it is time to intervene.
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Remember, time has a way of evolving relationships. The fabric of connection changes, often from passionate intensity to a more complex, layered bond. Patience is key. Encourage your friend to foster independence even as her relationship matures. Suggest activities that she used to love or help set goals outside of her romance. If together-time is still at all-consuming levels beyond the first flutter of love and she's ditching every plan for her beau, it might be time to gently remind her of life's balance. Offer support without judgment; it's crucial for her to feel understood, not criticized.
7. Give Her a Taste of Her Own Medicine
This might sound harsh, but you can’t be expected to be a great friend when she isn’t. If your friend asks to hang out, maybe tell her you are busy with something. If she realizes how important you are in her life, she will make more of an effort to spend time with you instead of her boyfriend. But if you drop everything for her whenever she has the time, she will never realize that her relationship is interfering with your friendship. Just don’t take it overboard. You are trying to prove a point, not lose a friend.
Losing a friend to a boyfriend is never easy and can be very upsetting. When you have a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend, if you want to keep that friend, you need to fight for her. What did you think of these ways to deal with a friend who is obsessed with her boyfriend? What other ways would you deal with a boyfriend-obsessed friend? Do you think it is better to intervene or let your friend continue with her obsession?
Comments
Zoze: My best friend of 4 years wont come to my 18th in 3 weeks because of her boyfriend of 1 month :'(
Kitija: Sorry?
lisa: @lisa, it's literally come to the point where i search for advice on pages like this.. that's when i know it's bad.
Sydney: Like fr
Amber: I have 3 of my closest friends. Like out of my 5 best friends, 3 of them are obsessed. One of them never bothers speaking to me anymore, one of them i live with and still never see and she's all high and mighty about it and the other is just scarily obsessed but might listen to me. There's never an excuse for this.
Jasmine: We've all had a friend like this haha
Kitija: So agree lol
Mari: I have a friend who always does this! Always! And when they break up, I'm always there. But when I need her in my life, like now, all she can think about is her boyfriend.. I'm so sick of it. What should I do?
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