Trying to find ways to deal with your friend dating your ex isn't always easy. It's even worse if you and your ex didn't split on the best of terms. Many think of it as a betrayal. If you don't want to lose your friend, you have to find ways to deal with your friend dating your ex. With a little work, it is possible to remain friends despite the ex being in the picture.
1. Ask for Respect
One of the most straight forward ways to deal with your friend dating your ex is to simply ask her for respect. She probably already knows all about what went down between you and him. Tell her how you feel and ask her to respect you by not bringing him around you. While she'll still talk about him, it will be much easier on both of you if you don't have to constantly have your ex around.
2. Think about Your Feelings
Before you start yelling at your friend for doing the unthinkable, take a minute to think about your feelings. Why do you not want your friend with your ex? Do you still have feelings for the ex? Are you afraid your ex will hurt your friend? Whatever the problem is, try to sort your feelings out and talk about it calmly with your friend. It will help you both to understand what's really the problem.
3. Remember It Might Not Last
While you probably shouldn't tell your friend this, the relationship may not even last. Maybe your ex just wants to get under your skin by dating your friend. Or maybe your friend only saw his good side while you got to see his bad side. If your ex was a pain, your friend will find out soon enough and the relationship will be over. Think of it as a temporary thing and it'll be easier to deal with.
4. Be Supportive of Your Friend
The last thing you want to do is lose a friend over an ex. Respectfully tell your friend how you feel and then be supportive. She's happy to be in a new relationship. Even though it might be awkward at first, the more supportive you are, the better things will be. At the very least, you still get to keep your friend. Knowing your ex couldn't take her away means a lot.
5. Try to Talk to Your Ex
If you're in a situation where your ex can't be avoided, set aside a time to talk with your ex. Try to work out any issues you might have. The important thing here is the friend who is caught in the middle. Try to work towards a civil relationship between you and your ex. It may take some work, but it will make situations where the three of you are together much less awkward.
6. Spend Time with Other Friends
Now is a great time to lean on some of your other friends. They'll understand why you're not thrilled about the new relationship. Talk to your friend and explain why you won't be around as much. It'll help you maintain the friendship while still keeping your distance. By spending more time with your other friends, you won't feel lonely and you'll have a great support system.
7. Leave the past behind
Remember the old saying about not saying anything if you can't say something nice? The same applies here. When you have to be around your ex, leave the past out of the conversation. Bringing up sore topics isn't going to make the situation better. It may even hurt your friendship. If you can't speak nicely to your ex, avoid talking to him at all or keep answers short and sweet.
8. Know It's Not a Betrayal
Since many do see this as their friend betraying them, it's hard to get past it. Your friend didn't deliberately try to hurt you. She just connected with your ex somehow. Maybe the two of them really did hit it off. It's not fair to her that she's not allowed to date someone she likes just because he's your ex. Let go of the feelings of betrayal and move on.
9. Stay Away
If you honestly can't stand your ex at all and your friend has him around all the time, the best way to deal with it is by staying away. It won't be easy to stay away from your friend, but it's better than constant arguments and awkward situations. Trust me, after the puppy love stage, she'll realize how much she misses you and apologize for putting him first. Give it some time and it will work out.
I was never comfortable with my friends dating my exes. It wasn't always easy to just deal with it, but I realized my friends were worth keeping. Whatever you do, keep your cool and remember your ex isn't worth losing your friend over. How have you dealt with this situation in the past?