Hello again, loves! I promised a Part 2 to the original Foolproof Guide… so here we go. Here I'll talk about ways to know he's the one. Again, this is for the ladies who still believe he’s out there! This is for women who refuse to become hardened and closed-off when it comes to love. This is for those of us who have faith and the right attitude, but don’t want to waste our time on the wrong one. Alright, let’s do it. Here are some ways to know he's the one.
One of the best ways to know he's the one is that he's protective of you. He doesn’t need to be a tough guy, but he does need to be a man who takes your safety seriously. This is NOT limited to bodily harm. The One will have a desire to shield you from anything not designed for your good.
The One may not be able to fend off an attacker, but what he lacks in muscle he makes up for with good sense, so he won’t carelessly stumble into a bar on the wrong side of town, with you in tote.
Again, The One will be protective, not just of your physical body, but of your emotions, mental health, and heart. Anything that will damage you, whether the possible source be him, or someone else, he will seek to thwart.
The One will even be protective of your good name. Insults, negative conversations, or questionable wording related to you will not fly around him! Even if he knows you’ll never find out.
If you ask The One why his last 3 relationships went south, and he claims it was everyone’s fault but his-- run! A man that is obsessed with creating a false positive perception of himself, and who avoids accountability cannot be The One.
The one will tell you about his mistakes with women from his past. He will have learned so much and be so confident in his character improvement, that he can comfortably reveal the mistakes of the man he no longer is.
The one will tell you about the people he hurt, the candy he stole, and situations he played poorly with friends and family.
The one will tell you when he has been selfish, dishonest, and sneaky. Maybe not all at once or early on. But The One will want you to know about him at his worst because he wants you to truly KNOW him.
And on the other end of the spectrum, he will tell you about the times he did everything right and still lost the girl, the promotion, or the friendship. Opening up to you about past pain says he trusts you with his ego! THIS IS HUGE!
Men have a natural desire to appear to be in control at all times. When he can tell you about what he couldn’t control, what made him cry, and his loss of innocence, you have found The One, girl!
Men know that women have huge mouths. So, telling you anything that makes him look less than tough means he wants you to have this information so bad, he’s willing to run the probable risk of your mom, sister, and BFF knowing too. Wow, just wow!
Once he is vulnerable with you, it creates a safe space for you to tell him things you may not have been comfortable with before. You two may actually have some of the same scars and will grow even closer through shared pain.
Let’s face it, we have to take the bitter with the sweet. But not all flaws are created equal. There are some flaws that will drive us crazy or far away, whichever comes first. Then there are flaws that we have patience, compassion or tolerance for.
If he is what my mom calls a "Messy Marvin," and you are an annoyed clean freak, that’s a problem. If you are an obsessive clean freak, that may work. This means you’re obsessed with a tidy home, and you don’t mind doing the work to have it.
If he is bad with money, and you are a recovered shopaholic, you are empathetic to his issue. You understand the struggle of financial irresponsibility, so you’re diligent in helping him overcome it. But if you have always been prudish with money, his irresponsible ways can cause you to lose respect for him.
My father once told me, “It ain’t all wine and roses”. No one is perfect, obviously. If you find someone whose flaws don’t drive you absolutely nuts, you have found The One.
Moment of honesty. All the great qualities in the world won’t make him The One, if he isn’t what you want. If you like highly educated men, get one. If you like a man, with a little edge, get one. If you like wearing 5 inch heels and CRINGE at the thought of staring at the top of your new beau’s head, that’s a problem. He can’t be The One if you feel like you’re settling for him.
This is not about being superficial, it’s about being honest with yourself, about yourself. Many people have attempted to be deep, only to end up unhappily married.
This point is a loose one. Take it as seriously or as lightly as you find appropriate. The whole purpose is to know what’s right for you.
I would still suggest that you be willing to go on a date or two with someone that is not exactly your type. Your feelings may rapidly change if there is a connection. But don’t force yourself to move to phase two if you find yourself still bothered by areas that are lacking.
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