There are all sorts of ways to heal a broken heart, but knowing how to do it doesn't make the pain stop. Some people get over their breakups very quickly, and some breakups are pretty easy to get over. Similarly, sometimes a heartbreak is so severe that you feel like it won't ever end. It engulfs you. Everywhere you go, everything you try to do, it's right there. You have to dig a little deeper before you can even think about emerging on the other side. Take your time – it's okay to feel this way. I hate that you do, but you will get through this. It won't last forever.
1 You Have to Get through It, Not Go around It
With some breakups, constantly distracting yourself is a great idea. If you don't feel like your heart will ever heal, however, you don't have the luxury of distracting yourself. You can't keep doing that. Your goal is to get through this to get over it, and that means that you can't keep going around it. You can't take a shortcut when you're trying to heal yourself. You have to face your emotions head-on, no matter how messy, complicated, and wounded they are.
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Facing your inner turmoil is crucial. It might be tempting to numb the pain with a flurry of activities or to bury yourself in work to avoid dealing with your heartache, but this is counterproductive. True healing demands that you confront your feelings and work through them, not bottle them up. Like peeling off a bandaid, it’s best done with directness; avoidance only prolongs the pain. Acknowledge the hurt, allow yourself to grieve the loss, and in time, the sharpness will fade. Embrace the journey of recovery with patience and self-compassion.
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2 But You do Need to Detach Yourself
This might not be applicable to everyone, but it's necessary for others. You need to detach yourself from your relationship and your ex as much as possible. For example, you may not be able to go the “let's be friends” route if you're still in this much pain. You shouldn't even be friends on social media. Get acquainted with your block button if you need to – you don't need to see your ex in person or on your phone if you can help it.
3 Remember What It's like to Be Totally Independent
I'm not saying you were dependent on your ex, don't think that. However, when you're in a relationship, you're emotionally dependent on the other person, plus you tend to spend a lot of time together. Even if you weren't a couple who did everything together, you were still part of a couple and there are certain things you can't do when you're in a relationship. So, get reacquainted with yourself as independent, single woman. Do things for yourself – even if it's as simple as eating cereal for dinner or watching a show your partner didn't enjoy watching with you.
4 Count Your Strengths, Not Just Your Blessings
Counting your blessings when you feel down or hopeless is an excellent idea, I won't dispute that. When you're trying to heal your heartbreak, however, I think it's more important to count your strengths. You are strong in so many ways, and it's all too easy to forget that when you're hurting. Count every strength, from compassion to financial maturity to marathon running. Don't cut yourself short. You're strong and you will get through this.
5 Cry as Much as You Need to
Tears are cleansing. Cry until you don't have to cry anymore. Just do this for me, too – laugh, and yell, and whisper, and giggle, and rage. Voice how you feel, even if you do it in private. You don't need a witness, you just need a rebirth.
6 Help Someone in Need
You can do this in several ways. Help your friend through a hard personal situation. Help your mom plant a garden. Volunteer at your local hospital or homeless shelter. Help your neighbor bring in her groceries. It doesn't have to be big, or it can be enormous. The point is that focusing on someone else will help pull you out of your feelings.
7 Create Something Brand New
You have the opportunity to start over. You can recreate yourself out of whole cloth. You can use this as a stepping stone to something else, something better. Change your job, your hair, your major, your life. Use this. Even if you create a new space for yourself or a new world on canvas or paper, it will help you get through this – and get over.
It hurts so deeply right now, and I am sorry for that. But it will get better. It will stop hurting. Your heart will mend – and your life can be endlessly better afterward if you want it to be.
