It's hard to find successful ways to resist the urge to call an ex not because there aren't plenty of choices but because they can be so hard to follow, especially if you've really been thinking about your ex. When the breakup is still fresh, it's even more tempting to get in touch with your former boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse, but it's best if you don't. Maybe everything still hurts too much, maybe you're still too vulnerable, maybe you've got one of those relationships that involve making up and breaking up over and over. There are dozens of reason to say no to temptation, so here are some of the most foolproof ways to resist the urge to call an ex.
You might not like to hear it, but one of the easiest ways to resist the urge to call an ex is to erase his or her contact information from your phone (and your tablet; ditto your iPod; yep, your messenger too). If that number isn't readily available, you're less likely to call. If you have to work to find it, you might have just enough time to reconsider. And don't automatically think this won't work – when was the last time you physically dialed a number you frequently call? I've been with Heather for seven years and sometimes I have to stop and really think about what her number is.
Of course, even without mobile communication, you can probably still access some part of your ex's social media profiles. It's likewise tempting to think that creeping around over Facebook and Twitter doesn't technically involve talking, and that's true – in theory. What if you see something you don't like, though, such as evidence of your ex seeing someone new? If it's going to bother you to read about your ex's life, just don't, even if you simply hide his or her updates. Don't let creeping turn into calling. If it might happen, start hitting the “unlike” button.
If you've already tried talking to your ex, think about what happened. Did you spend the entire conversation rehashing old hurts, arguing about who was most at fault, or hurling insults and accusations? Wouldn't it be better to just avoid calling your ex altogether, then? Remember how painful it is when you speak, and realize there's no need to put yourself through that.
Piggybacking on that idea, you have to remember why you broke up in the first place. If you're agonizing over calling your ex, the split probably wasn't very amicable. What went wrong? Were you resentful, was your former partner mean or lazy? Even if your ex broke up with you, hindsight is 20/20, giving you the perfect opportunity to look past the pain and the idyll, and think about what went so wrong.
Why are you so tempted to call your ex in the first place? Do you miss his or her company, or your friendship? If you really do want to be friends with your ex, just wait and give it time; calling will be okay eventually. Are you thinking you want to get back together? That's not a good motive; things may still be too vulnerable. Do you simply miss the companionship, the closeness of another person? That's harder to resist, but you have to love and be kind to yourself. Sleep cuddled up with your dog. Make yourself feel great. Do something nice for you.
You shouldn't go out and rack up a bunch of debt while you indulge in retail therapy. You shouldn't draw the shades, put on your pajamas, and spend all your time watching sad movies or listening to all your old favorite songs. You shouldn't turn to food and try to eat your feelings, either. Find a healthy, worthwhile distraction, whether it's exercise, painting, photography, writing, or doing something else you love. Pick up a new hobby, go on a vacation with yourself, volunteer somewhere, or even take a class.
Spending time with the people who love you is always important after a breakup. For you, hanging out with your friends and family is also essential. Let everyone know you're tempted to call your ex and want to resist the urge. They'll help distract you, plus they'll jump in if they see your resolve starting to weaken.
You may eventually be able to call your ex, but that depends on the individual situation. If you're not quite ready to make good on being friends or know you can't talk to him or her without reacting emotionally, you really should avoid the urge to call. Hopefully some of these methods will work for you – or do you have another tip you'd like to share?