17 Ways to Tell if You're Truly Unhappy in Your Relationship ...

17 Ways to Tell if You're Truly Unhappy in Your Relationship ...
By Heather • Dec 19, 2025 MD

It can be hard to learn how to tell if you're unhappy in a relationship, especially if you've been in your relationship for a really, really long time. Sometimes, comfort can be mistaken as happiness and you don't want that. What ways are there for learning how to tell if you're unhappy in a relationship? Take a look below, I've got the top 17 signs you should be watching out for!

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1. You Fear Committing

sea,boating,ocean,extreme sport,paddle, Finding out you are really unhappy in your relationship is always hard, but learning how to tell if you're unhappy in a relationship is even harder sometimes. Do you constantly fear committing to your partner? Do you not think that you are completely good together? Do you imagine breaking up all of the time? These are signs that you've got to watch out for. You should want to be with your partner forever, if you are serious about them.

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2. You Conceal Your True Self

hair,human hair color,face,nose,clothing, What about your true self? Do you reveal that to your partner? Do you feel like you can be yourself around him or her? If not, why are you with them? You should be able to be completely true to yourself in front of your partner. You should be able to be completely open and let them read you.

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3. You Snoop a Lot

human action,person,woman,mouth,romance, While this might seem like a distrustful action, you probably are just snooping because you are hoping to find some shred of something that you can break up with them for. While you might be somewhat happy sometimes in your relationship, overall you are unhappy and you want to break up; you just don't know how, so you snoop, hoping to find something.

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4. Constantly Depressed

human positions,sea,shore,vacation,beach, Being depressed is something that is constant in your life, especially in terms of your relationship. When you think about the future and being with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you are extremely depressed and you don't really want to dwell on it.

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If you're looking to engage your partner in intriguing conversations, why not try some hypothetical questions for couples? These fun queries will not only keep the conversation lively but also stimulate deep thoughts and potentially reveal insights about each other's personality and thought processes.

5. Imagine Life without Your Partner Constantly

clothing,leg,muscle,thigh,supermodel, Oh, this is where the breakup part comes into play. Do you constantly think about ending your relationship? What about just disappearing and never coming back? I did this in my last relationship and it was awful. That is the reason why we aren't together anymore! If you can imagine your life without your partner, why are you still with them?

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6. You Hide Your Relationship from Other People

hair,human hair color,blond,face,eyebrow, Does your family know that you are dating someone? Do your friends know? These are the people that are constant in your life and if you feel the need to be ashamed of your relationship, why are you in it? Why do you think that you have to hide your relationship? That's an important question to consider too!

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7. You Resent Your Partner

person,image,human positions,sitting,leg, Additionally, if you are failing at a lot of these signs but you are constantly resenting your partner for no real reason at all – other than existing – why are you with them again? Resentment is a common thing to feel when you really are unhappy in your relationship and when you really don't want to be with him or her anymore.

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8. You Tell Yourself It's Not That Bad

hair,face,clothing,person,nose, When you're in a good, healthy relationship, there shouldn't be a lot of comparison where you feel like you need to convince yourself that things aren't so bad. Don't wait until you're completely miserable and can't take it anymore before you try to do something about your relationship.

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9. You Keep Hoping Your Partner Will Change

hair,human action,blond,photography,girl, A common piece of relationship advice is to not try to change your partner. But, we can also be guilty of staying in relationship secretly hoping that he/she does change. Don't wait for your partner to change because if it hasn't happened by now, it probably won't happen later.

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10. You Look for Ways to Spend Time Apart

hair,face,blond,nose,person, Healthy couples look for ways to spend time with their partner but also want their own set of friends and interests outside of the relationship. If you frequently look for excuses or ways you can get out of spending time with your partner, you can bet that you're pretty unhappy.

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11. You Reminisce over Old Feelings

person,pattern,art,arm,design, Relationships evolve and life changes so there will be times when you look back and reminisce over old times. However, if you find yourself always looking back to when you first started dating and how happy and in love you were, it might be time to talk things out or move on.

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12. You Lie to Yourself

hair,face,blue,person,image, Lies in a relationship are never a good thing and if you catch yourself telling a fib here and there, it's time to set things straight. Do you keep telling yourself that if you leave, no one will love you or that the relationship is going well because it's your fault? Be honest with yourself and stop the negative self-talk.

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13. You Don't Feel Good about Yourself

color,face,hair,eyebrow,blue, If you stopped feeling good about yourself as a result of your relationship, it's a sure sign you're unhappy in your relationship. We all have doubts and insecurities, but our partner and/or relationship isn't supposed to make us feel worse about ourselves.

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14. You've Contemplated Cheating

hair,photograph,blue,person,image, This is a big, big sign that you're unhappy in your relationship. If you feel like you have to turn to somebody else, it isn't good. By this point, you and your partner barely communicate. If you find yourself opening up about your problems to another man, this is an example of an emotional affair! Of course, if you've thought about sleeping with someone else, it's time to face the facts: this current relationship isn't for you.

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15. You Feel like You're Settling

hair,human action,black hair,clothing,photography, If you know deep in your heart that your partner isn't "the one," you probably feel like you're settling in this relationship. It doesn't have to be that way! You deserve to find your happy ending and your partner deserves to know you feel - why continue to waste time on something that isn't making you happy? If you feel like there's something bigger and better out in the world, go find it.

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16. Arguments Cut Short

hair,face,person,blue,nose, Nobody likes to argue, that's a given. However, if you find yourself just cutting your partner off whenever he brings up an issue, it's because you don't care enough to resolve it. You've given up on fixing things and that's because you don't see a future with the two of you.

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17. You're Tired of Your Routine

human action,hair,person,clothing,image, It's very easy for couples to fall into a routine. As convenient and cute as it was when it first started out, you've grown tired of always knowing exactly what's going to happen. Your life has become predictable and that's made you unhappy. You have to find a way to try and spice things up!

Now that you know what signs to watch out for in your relationship to tell if you are really unhappy, what are you going to do about it? Do you want to stay in an unhappy relationship?

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Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

  • Vik

    2014-01-21T05:05:10.000Z

    i need some advice also... like a lot of people here haha. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 6 months. We were truly deeply in love when we started dating. He is extremely insecure because he's been cheated on and he is terrified something is going to happen again. I had a lot of guy friends, most of them being exs or guys I liked, and he didn't like them so much. One day i liked about hanging out with one and he didn't trust me at all. Since then, he hasn't been the same at all. There are sparks of his old self when we hang out. He's basically that person when we hang out but when were texting he's extremely short. He doesn't really trust me anymore and I've given him reasons not to and i feel terrible about them... I tell him I love him and he says good one and doesn't believe me because of some of the things I've done. No I've never cheated on him but he thinks I did. He says after high school he wants us to move in with each other and I really want that. I am so in love with him and I have been since way before we started dating. I don't know how to show him I love him or how to show him i really truly care. I just don't know what to do. i really truly feel in my gut were meant to be. he's my everything and i dont want to lose him. I know he loves me and cares about me because he's still with me... ugh what do I do?! Someone please help:/
  • Diana

    2014-05-14T19:34:45.019Z

    I feel the sane way @SPARKLE28
  • Diana

    2014-05-14T19:36:26.180Z

    i love my husband but idk he lies to me about when he does stuff during the time we have been together there has been no cheatting. But when we broke up for almost a week i found a picture of him and a women he said nothing happened that he met her that day n that was it idk i feel like nothing happened but then again idk what to do. Theres a lot of things that i'm not happy about.
  • Maremi

    2013-08-25T20:12:38.000Z

    I guess I'm unhappy in my relationship :-(
  • Ayanni62

    2016-05-01T08:26:38.591Z

    Being curious is okay, but there is too many diseases out there . Sometimes we feel bored but and selfish because we want to escape things in our life.Talk to your spouse or partner help. You have to be honest and express your feelings to each other. I have been with my husband for twenty some years and still can't imagine being without him. He's my best friend . Relationships are like gardens , we need to continue to fertilize and give attention to it or it will just dry up and die.
  • sparkle28

    2014-04-15T19:20:06.912Z

    We are in couples counseling and our counselor wants us to talk about it rather than do it. I feel like I used to be so much more desirable to other men and I really miss being desired. He promised me he would stop watching porn... I was his first woman he slept with... he went a whole two months without sleeping with me and continued to watch porn then. I used to have tell my old boyfriend no sex tonight but now it's I have to beg this one to sleep with me. We broke up and guys were hitting on me left and right, when we got back together he promised no more porn but is watching it and making me beg to be with him. I feel undesirable and unloved and completely invisible.
  • peony

    2016-04-30T09:31:47.641Z

    Maybe just enjoy the relationship....
  • Angela

    2014-01-08T13:17:33.000Z

    I need advice. I am23yrs of with four month old twins n I am unhappy right now n my relationship we been together for four yrs n I feel like I lost confidence n myself n I need to find myself. I always think about what it's like to be single but I'm scared because we have children n I will be on my own. It's a lot of stuff lead up to why I'm like this, when I was pregnant he care about himself 80% of the time saying he need attention n I was tired n sick all the time n I have sickle cell disease too s that made me extra tired n when Iowa 31 wks I took him to the movies n dinner n I didn't even know I had preeclampsia then n 3wks later I gave birth n the day after he called me selfish becuz I was crying bcuz out twins were n the nicu n few days later he said sorry n da day b4 Christmas he was being mean to me while I was being nice to him n he was talking to some1 n he said I finally got my confidence lifted n I said I always try to help get ur confidence up n he said I can't talk to u bcuz u don't know how to talk to people n I was shocked bcuz I'm a understanding person 90% of da time n he said sorry but he didn't feel like he should have said it n a few weeks later he said he can't bond or talk to me n I was shock again. He's not cheating though. What should I do
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