Recently, I had a friend who thought that she found someone that she made a connection with. They went out a couple times, then he ghosted on her. He completely disappeared without a trace and she truthfully was hurt. She blamed herself until she realized that he was just a dick. Has this ever happened to you girls? Has someone completely ghosted on you before? Well, my friend, a month later, got a text message from him and he completely owned that he ghosted and now, they're going out a little but her trust still wavers. Has this ever happened to you? Mr. Ghost came back into town? What do you do? Well, lucky for you girls, I've got some secrets to go over when that ghosted guy does come back!
So first, you have a really big decision to make right? If he comes back, do you talk to him or do you actually shut him out? That's the decision that my friend was faced with and while she gave him a second chance, would you? If it was me, I'd give him a chance to explain at the very least.
Giving a chance for an explanation might seem reasonable, but it's also important to guard your heart. Isn't it? Trust once broken is like a mirror cracked, and the reflection will never be quite the same. So, while you listen to his reasons, brace yourself, girl. Keep a mental note of the red flags and gut feelings - they tend to be your wisest allies in matters of the heart. Ask yourself, does he seem genuinely remorseful, or is this just another round of sweet talk? Your intuition won't lead you astray.
The next thing that you'll have to figure out is, is he ready now? Is he ready to at least entertain the idea of dating you or at the very least, entertaining the idea of going out without ghosting? Find that out too if you do happen to give him a second chance.
Taking the plunge on round two with a phantom past lover isn't for the faint of heart. Assess the situation: has there been a genuine change in his behavior or circumstances that suggests he's more available and committed this time? And don't forget about your needs – ensure they'll be a priority before thinking of opening that door again. If he's dodging the question or his answers are as translucent as his disappearing act, it might just be time to say "next!" and keep your heart guarded.
This is a big one girls, did he own that he ghosted you? My friend's ghosted guy did own it. He owned it, he apologized and he allowed himself to be outed. If he avoids it, it truly isn't worth it, he'll probably end up doing it again.
Girls, just because you decided to give him a second chance doesn't mean that you have to hide your feelings. Actually, you should express them. He should take them seriously too, that is, if he cares enough about you.
Communication, even when you are just dating is huge! If he ghosted you, you've got to learn how to communicate again so maybe he won't back out and won't disappear again. Is it texting during certain times during the day? Calling each other? What's the best way?
Communicating effectively can prevent future vanishing acts. Establish guidelines that both of you are comfortable with, like maybe no texting at work or a goodnight call every evening. Embrace honesty in your conversations. Express openly if you felt hurt or neglected when he ghosted, and listen to his side of the story. Remember, it's all about finding that sweet spot where neither of you feels smothered nor ignored. With the right communication balance, you can strengthen your connection and reduce the likelihood of him pulling a Houdini again.
You both will be vulnerable if you decide to open up to each other. You've got to decide if that is what you want and if you are able to handle it. Being vulnerable isn't always fun, but it is worth it if you are going to let him back in.
Embracing vulnerability means tearing down walls and exposing the raw, unfiltered parts of your soul. It's a leap of faith, trusting that the person who once vanished will handle your heart with care. You’ll need to weigh the potential emotional risks with the possibility of rekindled connection. Remember, your well-being takes precedence, and it’s perfectly okay to take things slow, ensuring that you’re both on the same page. Open communication is key; talk about fears, expectations, and boundaries to navigate this delicate re-entry together.
Finally, you've got to let it go after you forgive them. Truthfully, forgiveness will come with time, as well as trust, but you've got to let it happen. Are you ready for it?
So girls, now that you have a baseline of what you need to look for and what you need to do whenever Mr. Ghost comes back, what's the next step? What're you going to do if he shows up? Give us some examples!