Men often wonder why women pull away in relationships. It was all going so well. Or so you thought. You had met her folks; she yours. You liked her friends, and ditto for her. You sent each loving texts throughout the day and spoke at least once a day. But something’s changed now and you can’t quite put your finger on it. All you know is: she’s pulling away. Here are some reasons why women pull away in relationships:
Okay, this sounds harsh, but it’s no good burying your head in the sand and thinking everything’s going to be okay. People do fall out of love, suddenly and mysteriously. A friend of mine recently got a text from his girlfriend of five years while he was working abroad for four weeks that simply read: “I’ve fallen out of love with you. Please don’t contact me again. Good luck and best wishes.” He was flabbergasted and devastated. Sadly, he was the only person who had not noticed that she had been pulling away for some time. He had his head in the sand, and she had simply moved on emotionally.
We tend to think of men as commitment-phobes, but women also experience doubts about commitment, or just don’t want it all. That same friend’s girlfriend of five years had had several similar long-term relationships. If he’d been more astute he might have seen that as a sign that she was not the settling down type. But of course, when we’re in love, we don’t notice these things. And we think we are the ONE.
Another hard one. You will have to do some introspection here and ask yourself if you have said or done something that might have hurt her feelings very badly or led her to think ill of you or made her feel insecure. Perhaps you’ve been in touch with an old girlfriend on email and not told her, and she found out somehow. Secrets make people in relationships insecure. If you’ve examined your behavior and racked your brains thoroughly, it’s time to ask her if it’s something you said or did.
It’s highly possible that she has something personal happening in her work life or with her health that’s affecting her behavior. She may be menstruating, and her hormones might be running wild. Or perhaps she is worried about retrenchment. Some people draw away from their partner in times of crises, rather than towards. My advice is to ask her.
Sometimes your relationship has run its course. You’ve had one fight too many and make-up sex once too often. She may be tired and ready to move on. If this is the case, it’s time to accept that both of you need to move on. It may hard at the time, but it may be that you are just not that suited to each other.
Honesty is the best policy in a relationship. If you can sense that your partner is pulling away for some reason, spend some time reflecting on the possible causes. Then try to gently pry from her what the reason is for her withdrawal. She may find it difficult to articulate at first, but if you persist, she will surely come round and confide in you. If you’re lucky, the cause will be something not related to your conduct or words; if you’re unlucky, she may be trying to say goodbye to you.