12 Worst Songs to Have Sex to ...

Ah, the worst songs to have sex to - we've all had those terrible, bone-cringing moments where everything's going well, and then they put a song on. To 'set the mood.' But it doesn't set the mood. In fact, a really bad song and we're already planning how to get out the door without hurting your feelings, and you haven’t even started yet. So, if your potential suitor mentions a particular fondness for any of these songs, remember - somewhere in internetland, they're on a list of the worst songs to have sex to.

1. Every Breath You Take by the Police

(Your reaction) Thank you!

A song about a stalker - got to be on the list of the worst songs to have sex to. Imagining the person you're with is actually your stalker does not for a romantic situation make.

2. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

(Your reaction) Thank you!

There is definitely, definitely such a thing as a song that's too romantic. We want violins, earth-shaking – but not 100% cheese!

3. Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye

(Your reaction) Thank you!

Now, I've seen this appear on some of the best songs to have sex to lists. But is irony really what you were shooting for when you brought that other person home?

4. I Touch Myself by Divinyls

(Your reaction) Thank you!

This just seems a little inappropriate, doesn't it, really?

5. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones

(Your reaction) Thank you!

It doesn't really bode well for the rest of the evening...

6. It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy

(Your reaction) Thank you!

A song about a man asking his friend what to do after he's caught cheating on his girlfriend - not really something you want to be thinking about at the best of times, let alone then!

7. Leave Right Now by Will Young

(Your reaction) Thank you!

Okay, so I guess if you listen to all of the lyrics, it's quite romantic. The title alone however is enough for this to be a big no.

8. Creep by Radiohead

(Your reaction) Thank you!

I can't think of a single song that would be quite as off-putting as this one.

9. She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd

(Your reaction) Thank you!

Oh wait! Yes I can. Surely this could only ever come up by accident, though. Surely.

10. Theme Tunes/musicals of Any Kind

(Your reaction) Thank you!

Any theme tunes that have been used for any TV programme, ever, are a big no-no. I don’t think I need to explain why. Same goes for any excessively happy, cheesy, musical numbers. And that includes anything from Moulin Rouge.

11. Smack My Bitch up by the Prodigy

(Your reaction) Thank you!

For obvious reasons, really.

12. Anything with 'bitch' in It

(Your reaction) Thank you!

For that matter, any song that has the word bitch in it, whether that's meant in a positive way or not. Because it’s never really meant in a positive way. Similarly, anything where the lyrics are degrading to women in any way. Trust me, there's a LOT of options that could be chosen here.

If you put one of these songs on, it seems unlikely that there'll be a second time. You never know, maybe they'll think it's funny. If you do want to put music on, and it can be nice sometimes, then something instrumental tends to a safe choice. Some soaring classical music perhaps. But hey, hopefully you'll be too distracted to even hear the music. Do you have any embarrassing stories?

Please rate this article
(click a star to vote)