Let’s say you’re dealing with a crush on your roommate and you are clueless about how to deal with telling him. Even if your roommate has a girlfriend, it doesn’t mean you won’t end up falling for him anyway. Perhaps he’s an old friend, or you two just have a lot in common. Either way, a crush can end up happening, even if you don’t mean for it to. If he’s single, great! Be sure to let him know how you feel and be sure and tell him you don’t want things to be awkward if he doesn’t feel the same. If he’s taken, read on to find out ways for dealing with a crush on your roommate when dating him isn’t an option right now.
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1. Know Your Boundaries
One of the most important ways for dealing with a crush on your roommate is to be sure to know your boundaries. If he is taken, don’t make it a point to put yourself in a situation that might cause problems between you and him and his girlfriend. Don’t be overly affectionate with him or do things that only a girlfriend would do for him, and be sure to keep physical boundaries within your house or apartment. Be sure to keep emotional boundaries set as well, such as not getting too emotionally intimate with him, which will only cause tons of issues that make the problem harder to deal with.
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Respect for personal space is essential. Avoid overstepping by steering clear of his private areas without invitation, like entering his bedroom without knocking. It's crucial to maintain a platonic living environment. This includes things like not doing his laundry or cooking meals exclusively for him, activities that may blur the line between roommate and romantic partner. Additionally, by avoiding private late-night conversations and intimate confessions, you protect yourself from emotional turmoil and maintain a peaceful coexistence. Remember, clear boundaries preserve the harmony of your shared home.
2. Be Respectful
This can be tough, especially if you hate his significant other, but try your best to be respectful of your roommate, his girlfriend and their relationship. Look at it as you would anyone else’s relationship. Do you want to be the person that stirs up trouble or causes a breakup that could lead to a reunion later? I don’t think so. Don’t be that girl he leaves her to be with, or the one he cheats on her to be with. It’s not fair to him, her or you, in the long run.
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Maintaining a peaceful cohabitation means keeping the harmony in all aspects of home life, including personal relationships. Always consider how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. Would you want your roommate meddling in your love life? Probably not. Keep things friendly and drama-free. By showing them respect, you set a standard for mutual consideration and may even find yourself developing a healthier outlook on their relationship dynamics. Cultivating kindness and understanding in these situations isn’t just about them – it's about nurturing an environment where everyone feels respected and comfortable. Remember, what goes around comes around.
Frequently asked questions
Ah, the classic dilemma! It’s tricky because you don’t want to mess up your living situation. Start by understanding your feelings. Is it just a temporary attraction or something deeper? If you're sure it's real, consider talking to them, but tread lightly and choose your words carefully.
Oh, this one’s tough but important! Choose a quiet time when both of you can talk without interruptions. Be honest but gentle. You might say something like, 'I’ve been feeling something more than just friendship for a while, and I wanted to be open about it.' Be ready for any reaction.
That really depends on your situation. If you think the feelings are mutual and you both can handle it maturely, it might be worth exploring. But remember, if things go south, it’s your living arrangement that gets affected first.
Friendship makes it even trickier, right? Think about how you’d feel and what you’d do if the feelings aren’t reciprocated. If you’re comfortable with the possibility of things being awkward for a while, having an honest chat might be worth the risk.
Ouch, that can sting. First, give yourself credit for being brave enough to share your feelings. Then, keep things respectful and give them space. It might be awkward for a while, but if you both value the friendship, you'll find a way back to normal.
3. Remove Temptations
If you can’t seem to shake the emotions and are just having really tough time dealing with your crush on your roommate, remove the temptations. Either find another roommate, or start avoiding being around the apartment too much when he’s there if it is emotionally tough for you. If you share a bathroom, remove the temptation to brush your teeth while he’s showering, and don’t be around when he gets out of the shower. Sleep with your door shut, and try to segregate yourself as much as possible.
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Establish boundaries to minimize interactions that fuel your feelings. Perhaps start a new routine like working out during their usual free time at home or joining new clubs or groups that meet regularly. Keeping a journal might also be helpful as an emotional outlet. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being—having a bit of distance can often help you regain clarity and control over your emotions, making your living situation more manageable and less fraught with emotional stress.
4. Be His Friend
You should focus on being his friend, not his awkward roommate that has a crush on him. Remember, first and foremost, friends respect each other. Remember that by being his friend, he deserves your respect and if you can’t have a relationship with him as his girlfriend, why not focus on having an awesome friendship with him? He can still be a part of your life, just in a different way. It may be hard, but is still a great option. If you find it too hard to be close to him as his friend, then consider getting a different roommate so you don’t subject yourself to the pain of seeing him with someone else.
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Building a friendship lays a foundation for trust and mutual understanding. Show genuine interest in his life, hobbies, and passions, and be there for him during his ups and downs, just as you would for any other friend. Communicate openly and set boundaries that will help you both feel comfortable in your shared space. By nurturing a platonic relationship, you're honoring your feelings and his, creating room for a supportive environment, regardless of where your emotions stand. And who knows? Your friendship could turn out to be one of the most fulfilling relationships in your life.
5. Don’t Bash His Girl
Whatever you do, do not bash your crush’s girlfriend! This won’t get you anywhere; I promise. It may even make things worse between you and your roommate. Even if his girlfriend is rude or obnoxious, he is dating her because he wants to be in a relationship with her, and certainly won’t appreciate you criticizing her. Even if you think she treats him wrong, don’t be the one who bashes her in front of him.
6. Start Dating
If you can’t be with your roommate, put yourself out in the dating world and see who else is out there! Who said there was only one guy you could end up falling for? Start dating and open yourself up to a world of single crushes instead of someone who is already taken!
7. Tell Him How You Feel
Lastly, if none of the above options work, it may be best to tell him how you feel, but be prepared. When you tell your roommate how you feel, you’ll need to expect a few possibilities for what could happen. First of all, he could feel awkward around you from now on, which makes things weird living together. Secondly, he could decide that it might be best to get a new roommate. Thirdly, he may genuinely appreciate you being honest and tell you he thinks a lot of you, but still tell you he doesn’t feel the same. Lastly, he could hit on you, which makes him a a cheat, which you shouldn't want to date anyway! If he’s not dating someone else, telling him may be the best option, though it could still open up a world of possible situations. If he’s with someone, telling him will definitely make things more difficult for you, but it may be best to get it off your chest and possibly move out. You’ll need to weigh all possible decisions before going this route, for your sake and his.
I’ve fortunately never dealt with a crush on a roommate, but know many people that have. Have you ever struggled with this issue? How did you deal?
Comments
Wendy: Be there done that...
Sherryann: Keep your head up high not the end for the world
Emily: Omg I am going through this right now. It's the worst pain ever :/
Carla: he may genuinely appreciate you being honest and tell you he thinks a lot of you, but still tell you he doesn’t feel the same. It just sucks when you liked him for so long and he doesn't feel the same and you see him with whom you think he likes. :(
Gretel: It's funny cause I'm going through with it now. Not only is he my roommate but my coworker....double whammy! He's actually moving out as we speak. I asked him to move out because it was too hard for me to deal with. I'm sad to see him go but I know it's best for our friendship. He says he'll miss living with me, and I feel the same way.
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