1 One of You Needs to Step Away
Sometimes couples drink. Sometimes couples fight. Sometimes the two overlap and the results are not pretty. Recently, our dearest friends – who have been married for not quite a year, together for about six or seven – had a major fight. S. drank a little too much during a party and unloaded on G. later, leading to G. heading over here in the middle of the night. Things turned out okay, but it made me think about this topic because I can't imagine it's an uncommon problem. Let's work on the premise that your partner tipped back a few too many and a belligerent blow up ensued. We'll go from there.
Recognizing the signals of a pending argument when alcohol is in the mix is crucial. If your partner starts displaying signs of agitation or if the conversation begins to spiral, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that alcohol-fueled discussions often don't resolve underlying issues and can actually escalate them. By choosing to disengage, you're protecting both of you from saying or doing things you might regret. It's not about who's right in that moment—it's about maintaining the health of your relationship. After all, conversations are more constructive when both parties are thinking clearly and calmly.
When your partner digs up hurtful comments, remember that alcohol often magnifies negative emotions. Their words might feel like knives, but retaliation won't heal the wounds. Instead, maintain your composure and deflect the confrontation. You can disengage or gently steer the conversation away from hot-button topics. It's not about ignoring their feelings but ensuring respectful communication prevails. When sober, create a space for an open dialogue, where you both can share your thoughts without the toxicity and truly listen to each other's underlying concerns.
Make sure your partner is in good hands, but remember to prioritize your own emotional well-being too. Head to a cozy nook that screams you-time, whether it’s curling up in your childhood bedroom filled with memories or sprawling out in your bestie’s crash pad. It’s vital to surround yourself with the warmth of those who get it and won’t pass judgment. They’re the kind of people who hand you tissues, spoon-feed you ice cream, and let you vent until the storm inside calms. They reinforce that, despite the hiccup, you’re loved and not alone.
I know it sounds cliché, but talking things out really does help, especially when your emotions are all over the place. It's like uncorking a bottle that's been shaken too much – you need to let the fizz out before you can enjoy the drink again. Trust me, letting it all out with someone you trust will make the road to recovery with your partner much smoother. Plus, you'll feel lighter, almost like you've dropped the emotional baggage right there on your bestie's couch. Just remember, though, that this is about healing, not about bashing – keep it constructive.
Allow the night to act as a buffer, giving both of you the space needed to cool down. Morning brings clarity, and with sobriety, perspectives can shift—making the path to understanding and forgiveness smoother. Remember, time is a healer, especially when emotions and alcohol have stirred the pot. Just ensure the issue isn't swept under the carpet; address it when clear heads can prevail.
Often, after a night of heavy drinking, emotions are high and judgment is clouded. Taking a breather allows both of you to cool down and approach the situation with a clearer, more rational mindset. If you rush into a conversation, you risk aggravating the situation or saying things you might regret later. Remember, words uttered in haste can't be unspoken, and the sting can linger far longer than the hangover. So, give each other space to process the events and reflect on your feelings before attempting to bridge the gap.
You may decide not to, especially if it's a chronic problem. However, you may fight for what you have. That's up to you – there's no right answer.