This is the fourth and final piece in my friends with benefits experience series, and I hope you enjoy all four! You're about to see my lessons learned from friends with benefits experience.
CLOSURE
We are human and have, well, those needs. Something that I am proud of was confronting him on everything. We talked for about an hour or so—at least, it seemed like it—as soon as he got to my place. I had finally told him that there were moments where he acted like he wanted more or nothing at all. He apologized and said he messed up, admitting that he was unsure how he felt about me in the days following our last hook up. If you want to know, we spoke earlier today and this week in general about random shit.
I have zero idea, like anyone else does, when it comes to dating/hook ups/friends with benefits stuff. I suck at it, that is FOR SURE. But it is also okay. For this entire year, since the ACTOR, followed by the MANAGER, and now the CUB…it was a roller coaster of emotions. I got hurt. I cried and cried some more.
But then, I laughed and laughed again too.
But I am also not going to kick my ass, putting the blame on myself when it does take two to tango. THAT is something I hold no regret about. No bad blood. And do not shit where you eat. Take it from me. It just creates tension and confusion, and it can get awkward. Yet again, that is just my opinion from the personal experiences you just read (if you have beared with me this far in—thank you for that).
As for the CUB, I will be honest that I must be into him or whatever for saving him for last. Maybe I still am. I do find myself being afraid to admit my feelings to everything that has gone on between us. Maybe one day I will find my answer. But I am also prepared to never get that. And that is okay. I see that actions speak louder that words. However, he and I will always be friends and, in time, I see us just always being supportive of wherever our own lives lead us.
I would like to think he feels the same way about that. I will forever be a work in-progress because this shit is more difficult than it appears to be.