You shouldn’t feel embarrassed if you and your partner struggle to communicate openly and candidly about sex. It’s not uncommon. Somehow it’s hard to talk about sex even with someone you are completely and totally intimate with. Have you ever thought about a written exchange? With these questions you can open up without feeling embarrassed and awkward. Write them out and answer away. Expect some surprises in the answers!
1. On a Scale of 1 – 10, How Important Would You Say That Sex is to You at This Current Stage of Your Relationship?
2. Do You Value Non-sexual Touching and Affection as Much as You Value Sexual Contact and Intimacy?
3. What Does Sex Mean to You? Try to Sum It up in a Few Short Sentences
4. How Often Would You like to Make Love in Comparison to How Many Times You Actually do Make Love?
5. How Much Time do You Tend to Spend on Foreplay before Getting to the Actual Act of Sexual Penetration?
6. What Are Your Favorite Kinds of Non-sexual Touching? Hand Holding? Hugging? Spooning? Back Rubbing?
7. What is Your Favorite Part of Your Current Love Life?
8. What is the One Thing That, Given the Chance, You Would like to Make an Improvement on in the Bedroom Department?
9. What is Your Favorite Intimate Memory of Your Partner? Why Exactly is It Your Favorite?
10. What Three Things outside of the Bedroom Make You Feel Most Excited about Having Sex? What Turns You on?
11. Do You Have a Specific Sexual Fantasy? Share Your Fantasies with One Another
12. What Parts of Your Body do You Most Enjoy Being Touched during Lovemaking?
13. Is There Anything You Have Never Tried Together That You Think Might Be Fun to Try at Least Once?
14. Do You Have Any Specific Worries when You Make Love? if so, What Are They?
15. What Are Your Favorite Ways to Relax and De-stress after a Hard Day at Work?
16. Do You like to Be Verbal during Lovemaking? Would You like Your Partner to Be More Verbal Too?
17. Do You Have a Favorite Sexual Position?
18. Are There Any Sexual Positions That You Would like to Try but Have Not Been Vocal Enough to Bring up?
19. What is the One Thing You Would like to Know about Your Partner That You Have Never Had the Courage to Ask before?
20. Do You Ever Think about Other People, for Example Celebrities, when You Are Making Love?
21. Would You like Your Partner to Wear Any Specific Clothing when You Make Love?
22. Have You Ever Role-played? if Not, Does It Sound like Something That You Would like to Try?
23. Have You Ever Told Your Partner Exactly What You Want Them to do? if Not, What Has Been Holding You Back?
24. Have You Ever Considered Watching a Sexy Movie Together to Get into the Mood?
25. On a Scale of 1 – 10, How Uncomfortable Has It Been to Answer These Questions? Why Has It Been Uncomfortable?
Frequently Asked Questions
- How can asking questions improve our sex life?
- Open questions help partners understand each other's desires and feelings better, leading to deeper intimacy.
- What are some good questions to start with?
- Start with gentle, open-ended questions like 'What do you enjoy most during intimacy?' to create a comfortable conversation.
- Is it okay to talk about fantasies with my partner?
- Yes, sharing fantasies can strengthen trust and bring excitement as long as both partners feel safe and respected.
- How often should couples discuss their sex life?
- Regular check-ins, maybe once a month, can keep communication open and help address any concerns early.
- What if my partner feels uncomfortable discussing sex?
- Be patient and use empathetic language; sometimes starting with non-sexual topics can ease into more intimate discussions.
- Can questions help if we're experiencing mismatched libidos?
- Absolutely; honest questions can uncover underlying issues and help find compromises that satisfy both partners.
- How do I avoid making my partner feel pressured when asking?
- Frame questions with curiosity and care, emphasizing that you want to understand and support their feelings.
- Are there questions that should be avoided?
- Avoid accusatory or overly critical questions; focus on positive, open-ended ones that invite sharing rather than defensiveness.
- Can these questions help after having children?
- Yes, discussing changes and new needs post-children can help couples reconnect and nurture their sexual relationship.
- What if talking doesn't seem to help improve our sex life?
- Consider seeking a couples therapist who specializes in sexual health for additional guidance and support.