So you’ve been dating for a while and are pretty sure he’s the one. Congratulations! A natural next step might be moving in together. You could definitely make it work, but many relationship experts caution against it. If you’re on the fence, it pays to do your research and balance the pros and cons before jumping into something that you both might regret. You’ve probably heard all the reasons for moving in with him, but here are some that you should consider that say hold off for a while.
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1. It Might Deter You from Making a Marriage Commitment
Unless you can both agree that you’re good with your relationship as is and you don’t want it to lead to marriage, relationship experts say to stay living apart. With the economy these days, more and more young people are living at home with Mom and Dad to save on expenses. Moving in together might solve the financial aspect, but if that’s the only reason why you’re making the move, your relationship could suffer.
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Living together can be a great step in a relationship, but it's not right for everyone. Research has shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to experience a divorce. Moving in together can also cause a strain on the relationship if you and your partner are not on the same page about the future of your relationship.
Living together can also be a financial burden. If you are both working, you will need to find a place that both of you can afford. This can be difficult, especially if you have different incomes. Additionally, you will need to split the costs of rent, utilities, and other bills, which can be a source of conflict.
Living together also means that you are giving up some of your privacy. You will need to share space, and you will need to learn how to be respectful of each other's needs. This can be a challenge, especially if you are used to living alone.
Finally, living together can be a distraction from other important life goals. If you are living together, it can be easy to get caught up in the day-to-day life of your relationship and lose sight of other goals, such as pursuing a career or furthering your education.
2. He is Urging You to Move in
If the desire to live together is one-sided, resist the temptation to let him talk you into it. No matter how much you love him, you know whether you’re ready to move in or not. If he loves you as much, he’ll understand your need to wait and you can work out the details of when the right time might be together. If he won’t let up, perhaps you should reconsider the dynamics of your relationship.
Frequently asked questions
3. You like His Apartment
It’s a great place to hang out and spend quality time together. And his apartment or house might be better than yours. That is not a reason to move in with him. No matter how fabulous his digs, living together is a huge step that you might be minimizing just because you’re in love with his huge living room and crown molding.
4. It Will save You Money
This goes along with #1. If the only reason you want to live together is because then you’ll only have to pay half rent, stop and reconsider! Sure, you might have some extra dough for a vacation or those Christian Louboutins you’ve been eyeing, but your relationship may never be the same if you aren’t both ready to make the commitment to live together for all the right reasons, not just so you can live the high life.
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Living together is a big commitment and should not be taken lightly. While it may seem like a good idea to save money by splitting rent, it is important to consider all of the other implications that come with living together.
Living together can cause stress and strain on a relationship. It is important to make sure that both parties are ready to make the commitment to living together. If one person is not ready, the other may end up feeling pressure to make the relationship move faster than it should.
Living together also means that both individuals will need to be comfortable with sharing a space. This includes sharing the same bed, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. It is important to make sure that both parties are comfortable with this arrangement.
In addition, living together can cause financial strain. It may seem like a good idea to save money on rent, but it is important to consider all of the other costs that come with living together. This includes buying furniture, groceries, and other household items.
5. It’s against Your Religion
It might seem outdated, but many women are still making the choice to live apart until they are married. Whether this is a religious belief you’ve always had or you just feel like it’s the right thing to do, don’t let the world change your mind. If you want to be with this guy forever and he feels the same, you should be able to work this out between you and forget what everyone else says.
6. You’re Thinking Marriage
If you think that moving in with your guy is going to get him to propose to you, stop everything and take some time to think this through. Your guy obviously loves you if he wants you to live with him, but you need to discuss your motivations and where this step is leading in your relationship. You should never have to trick a guy into asking you to marry him.
7. You Think It Will Improve Your Relationship
A bad relationship is a bad relationship and moving in together is just as silly an idea as having a baby together. These things don’t repair broken love lives. In fact, they often result in their ending. If you want to save your relationship, consider counseling instead of making a huge step like living together.
8. You’ve Been Dating a Long Time
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together five months or five years. There is no set time that says now is when you should live together. You will know when the time is right and you should ignore what your friends and family say about taking your relationship to the next step. The two of you will know when moving in is the right thing to do.
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Trust your instincts and the strength of your partnership. If the deep, intimate conversations about your future and values align, and if you've successfully navigated the waters of conflict resolution together, it's a promising sign. However, if you feel pressured to cohabit because of the duration of your relationship, take a step back. Reflect on your individual readiness and the health of your dynamic. Remember, a strong relationship isn't defined by a shared address but by shared respect, love, and commitment.
9. Your Lease is up
This is a terrible reason to move in with your boyfriend. Living together should feel like the natural next step, not something you do because you don’t have any other options. If your lease is up and you don’t want to renew, move back in with your parents or your sister while you look for a new place.
10. Pure and Simple – You Don’t Want to
You shouldn’t have to explain this to anyone. Although your boyfriend deserves a better answer than that you just don’t want to. Hash out your reasons for living apart and your relationship won’t suffer for it. Move in when you don’t want to and resentment is sure to follow.
What are your reasons for not living with your boyfriend? What advice do you have when it is time to make the big move?
Comments
Nancy: This article came at the perfect time! My boyfriend is planning to move out by December and i planned to move out sometime next year. And he asked me on Sunday if i would move in with him when he moves out. I was soo happy that he felt that way. But i believe in marriage first and then live together. Plus we never lived on our own so this is perfect opportunity to do that before we live together. So we compromised and the plan is we both move out and live separately but we will alternate weekends at each others place. So he gets the experience of living together. He agreed with that plan.
El: 11th reason..... You're reading this list....
Ayra: @Lucie, use your common sense
Monique: My boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Uh, no. With a capital N. Cohabitation, shaking up - whatever you want to call it, may lead to a disaster. Maybe not. Two each his own. Personally, when we're ready to make that move to foreverland, then we'll move in together.
m4nd4: Moved in with the love of my love( on and off type relationship) because he wanted to move out of his parents bad. And guess what? It was a bad idea! I think the relationship lasted 6 months. We were not ready and moved in for the wrong reasons. Not pessimistic @claire, it's more like smart. We parted for a couple months, and are currently living together again because we decided we were finally ready. Guess what? We have never been better! Going strong (been living together for a year now, now deciding maybe a house next?? ☺️)
Nancy: Ooh and we been together for a year. And he is totally "the one". 😍😍
Lucie: *want
Oriena: Don't get me wrong I love him. But I've Done this before and I felt as of I was just giving away "my milk" for free. If he doesn't have to pay for it now he won't care. I don't want to do the same thing again.
Monique: My boyfriend asked me to move in with him. Uh, no. With a capital N. Cohabitation,
Violove: It's really true.
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