There are many excellent reasons not to stay friends with an ex. Sometimes it's great if you can remain on good terms with your ex, but there are many more situations when it's far from a good idea. Violence is the obvious one, although there are many reasons why keeping in touch with your former love may not be wise . Here are some sound reasons not to stay friends with an ex …
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1. Abusive
Of all the reasons not to stay friends with an ex, any kind of abuse has to be top of the list. If your ex was physically or emotionally abusive to you, cut off all contact. Don't hope that they will change; even if they do, would you really want to take the risk?
2. Moving on
If the decision to split was more due to one partner than the other, then staying in touch is not a good idea. Whether you chose to end the relationship or they did is immaterial. The partner who was dumped may well cling to the other in the hope that they can win them back. Severing contact truly is the kindest thing to do here.
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3. Respect for New Partner
Nobody should dictate who you are friends with. If you're genuinely friends with your ex then it's fair enough to stay in contact, even if you have a new partner. But their feelings should always be respected. If a new partner is uncomfortable with you maintaining contact, it may be the best thing to stop.
4. Addiction
Have you broken up and got back with your ex countless times? If so, it may be time to put an end to this. Being hooked on a person isn't healthy, and how many times can you try again? However much it hurts, end contact once and for all. It isn't a friendship, and it's not doing you any good.
5. Hoping for Reconciliation
Don't hang onto a "friendship" with your ex in the hope that you will get back together. You are, without a doubt, kidding yourself. Likewise, if you know that your ex harbors hope of reconciliation, cut off all contact with them. Staying friends out of pity will just encourage them to carry on hoping.
6. Friends with Benefits
If two adults want this kind of arrangement, then that's up to them. However, it can be problematical with ex-partners. One may well agree to this situation in the hope that the other will realise they should be together, when the chances are that they're just looking for easy sex.
7. Your New Partner is Uncomfortable
Expanding on point three, consider the feelings of your new partner. What matters more to you - maintaining a friendship with your ex, or building a new relationship? Ask yourself how you would feel if your partner was still friends with their ex. You may find that suddenly being pals with yours doesn't look so reasonable after all.
8. Clingy
Even if they don't think that you might get back together, exes may become too clingy if you stay friends. I know, I've done it, and kept turning to the one person I should have let go of. It isn't healthy. If your ex is constantly in touch, encourage them to move on and find new friends.
It's wonderful if you do manage to salvage a friendship from a broken relationship, but probably not that common. In most cases, emotions are too much of a factor, and it can be deeply problematical. Have you managed to stay friends with your ex, and how do your current partners feel about it?
Comments
Mary: I agree with this 100%. :) there's a difference between having good terms and being friends with them.
SweetPea: I don't think anyone can be friend with an ex. There're reasons the relationship wasn't work. Both of us will always remind that. Or it will give someone a horrible feeling to see another move on before then that person will realize he/she make a wrong decision... none can move on. Well, my point is someone always get hurt.
Myriam: If there's anyone who can't move on?
Marielon: I totally relate my ex wants me to be his best friend but i feel so awkward its been 2 months since we broke up he has a new girlfriend now. he always saying to me he miss me because he can't dumped our relationship that last 4 years and 7 months ago. I don't know how to keep in touch with him ?:/ it so awkward
Ms: I think # 6 was written for me. After divorced I met someone and we have been going back an forth. Now he's not ready for a relationship. I've decided he can't have his cake an eat it too an moved on...his lose.
Erin: I've just came out of an abusive relationship/ on again, off again one where I was engaged to him at one point. Completely demolished my sense of being. Out of habit I would talk to him, I realized we weren't ever friends I was just fueling his narcissistic supply. Never a good idea when emotional abuse is a factor. Learn from my mistake.
Rose: I have tried staying friends with my ex. Quite possibly the worst decision ever. Obviously a lot of what you mention applied to my "friendship" ex. I'd just like to say... Good riddance!!
Poopie893: My ex and I are in this situation where we talk to each other everyday. We have become so close and it's shocking sometimes... We still miss each other and behave the same way as we used to.. And I think we have become so much closer.. But I worry that this friendship won't last long once either of us moves on. It's really sad.... Because we still depend on each other so much.. Even about 5 months after our break up.
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