Being sexy is hard. You have to worry about how you look, act and how to not be embarrassed. I know that when I try to be sexy, I am awkward as hell. I'm not alone … right girls? I can't be alone! So, share some of the awkwardness with me below!
1 The Embarrassment You Feel
It's embarrassing to open up and try to be sexy – only to find your partner laughing at you because you are awkward.
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2 Undressing is Not a Striptease for You – Even if You Hope It is
Yep, you've tried to be adventurous but you just look awkward.
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Sure, in your mind, you're channeling your inner seductress, but the reality looks more like a tangled mess of limbs and hastily removed clothing. You're more likely to trip on your skinny jeans than to pull off a sultry gaze mid-strip. And let's not even talk about the static cling from that supposedly sexy silky top. It's sticking everywhere except where it should. So while you might be aiming for steamy, you end up with a performance that's strictly comedy gold.
3 Talking Dirty?
Um, you have no idea how to talk dirty and you are awkward doing it.
4 Lap Dancing is out of the Question
You sort of just … grind on them.
5 You Have No Sexual Stories to Share
Just … embarrassment.
6 You Feel Totally Awkward when Exploring Yourself
Even if it is just you in the bed, couch or shower – you feel awkward touching yourself.
7 Sex Toys?
That goes in where?
8 Porn? so Uncomfortable
Or it is just plain funny!
9 You Want to Switch Positions?
Um. I didn't take yoga and I have no idea how to bend that way.
10 Sexual Adventures Are More like Sexual Nightmares
Yes, you try to be adventurous but … it's awkward.
11 Your 'sex' Face is … Just Wrong
And you don't mean for it to be!
12 When You do Talk Dirty, How Much is Too Much?
You can't tell. Ever.
13 You Always Manage to Bruise Something during Sex
Whether you are banging your elbow on the nightstand or you are banging your head on the headboard, something hurts during sex. Always.
14 Your Hips Don't Move like That
Yeah. You've tried to be Shakira but it doesn't work.
15 You Have No Idea How to Initiate Sex
You end up like Cher in Clueless and fall off the bed. It happens!
16 Getting Aggressive?
It's hard for you to muster up the will to get aggressive with your man … and it's a disaster when you try.
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You've read enough romance novels and watched enough movies to know that sometimes, a little boldness can add spark to the moment. But when you attempt to channel that fierce, seductive energy, it feels like you're wearing someone else's uncomfortable costume. Your version of whispering seductive nothings sounds more like you're discussing the weather, and the come-hither look you've been practicing in the mirror now seems like a weird, squinty glare under the bedroom lights. It's not just awkward; it feels utterly foreign, yet you can't help but giggle at your valiant attempts at vamping it up.
17 Just Remember, You ARE Sexy
You don't have to try, you just are. Your man thinks so too, so brush all everything else and just be yourself!
