Let's preface this by saying that any age, when you want to get married, is the right age for you, okay? That being said, according to Cosmopolitan, a recent University of Utah study pinpointed that 28-32 is the perfect range for getting married if you don't want to get divorced. Naturally, that doesn't mean that you'll for sure get divorced if you get married at 25 or 39, but the odds really do increase. Before the age of 28, divorce is usually likely because you're young and may simply be lacking in experience. The likelihood of divorce goes up after 32 because, by that time, you're probably more used to being single and less interested in compromising your life or your space. Of course, getting married in that range isn't a guarantee for happiness, either. No matter when you get married, you have to work for a successful, happy marriage – these tips are a great start!
I'm not talking about gender roles or anything. I mean that problems in your marriage are very rarely the fault of only one person. You can't be in denial about the issues you have as a couple or as an individual. Own what you do – you may not like owning up to your tendency to be passive aggressive or your failure to listen, but you'll never have a truly happy marriage otherwise.
Not all fights are healthy, of course – things should never get physical, obviously, but they should never get down to name calling or verbal and emotional abuse, either. Still, sometimes you just have to fight. Here are some tips, though: give yourselves space when you need it; if you start repeating yourselves, the fight's over; if you're not done in 20 minutes, the fight's also over.
Marriage isn't about someone being right and the other person being wrong. It's not a competition. There's not a secret tally counting up how many fights you've won – unless it's in your own head, but that's really unhealthy. You don't have to agree with everything just because you're married. In fact, married couples rarely agree about every little thing. You're still individuals, you know. You're still entitled to your own opinions – just respect those differences!
Maybe your sex life isn't awesome right now. Maybe you're nitpicking at each other. Maybe your spouse isn't talking to you. Maybe you're feeling resentful. These are all symptoms of a bigger issue. Be aware not just of the problems, but of what you have to do to figure out and take care of the actual “illness.”
Talking and communicating are important – you hear that all the time. You know those things are essential for a happy, successful marriage. Here's something you might not know, though: you have to communicate for your partner. If your husband has a short attention span, turn those hour-long conversations into the basic bullet points of the problem, see how that works. Maybe your partner needs time to cool off before talking. Maybe your wife needs to write down her thoughts. Do what works for your partner and let your partner do the same for you!
The two of you are in this marriage. You aren't in a relationship with your spouse's parents and he's not in a relationship with yours. Your friends don't live with you. You're not married to your children, even. Sometimes, other things absolutely take precedence – career, school, kids – but at the end of the day, your marriage needs to be your number one priority.
I love you. I'm here for you. I hear you. I understand. I'm behind you. I appreciate you. I missed you. Say the important things as much as you can. Saying “I love you” often doesn't take away its sentiment. You don't have a set number of times you're allowed to say these things. Say them often.
Okay, ladies, your turn! Did you get married without this range? What do you do to make your marriage happy?
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