Have you ever had a man who didn't pay attention to you? I'm not necessarily talking about cheating; that's something else altogether. If he has kids, those are automatically going to come first. That's a given. However, it can be really frustrating and upsetting when we feel as though the men in our lives would rather play video games or go out drinking than spend time with us. We've gone over ourselves to see if there's anything we could be doing to push him away, but we've come up empty. What do we do now? Just like pretty much every other subject in the world, I managed to find a possible solution on the internet. Hopefully you'll never need them, but here are a few ways to deal with your inattentive boyfriend. I'm working under the assumption that you want to stay together; leaving is an option, but only a last resort.
First of all, do not try to get his attention by making him jealous. This is an old mind game and he'll see it as such. Knowing that other men want you might make him see what he has, but it also might become a source of “pride” for him and encourage him to use you as a showpiece of sorts. I've had a boyfriend do this, so I know what I'm talking about.
Additionally, turning to jealousy tactics can cause more harm than good. It misrepresents your true feelings and creates unnecessary drama. Instead of a game of one-upmanship, focus on having an open and honest conversation with him. Communication is key to understanding why he seems inattentive and expressing your feelings. By doing so, you invite him to be attentive out of genuine interest and care, rather than from a reaction to manipulative strategies. It's important to build trust, not break it down with games that can backfire and damage your relationship in the long run.
I know this sounds obvious, but you need to let him know how you feel. Chances are he doesn't realize that he's neglecting you; he could be distracted by that big project at work or feeling kind of run-down and tired. Don't beat around the bush; if you're worried he's thinking of breaking up with you, ask him. If he is, you can get it over with. If he's not, that opens the door to dialogue.
Unfortunately, some men are never going to be as attentive as we want. If he's ignoring you because he has a demanding job or interest (say, a musician) that isn't going to change, think about whether you want to continue with this relationship because you're always going to be “second” to these things. Some women can take it, some can't.
It's crucial to engage in a heart-to-heart discussion about your needs and expectations. If after an open conversation, he's still consistently unavailable, reflect on what you're getting from the relationship. Ask yourself if you can adjust your expectations or if it's a deal-breaker. Self-care is paramount; never feel guilty for wanting a partner who makes you a priority. Remember, a relationship should enhance your life, not leave you feeling neglected. Your happiness is just as important as his, and a balance must be struck to nurture a healthy partnership.
...meaning there are some things he's just not going to notice. My husband tries, bless him, but sometimes he won't notice things like a new hair color. I used to get upset about this until I realized that men can't see as many colors as women do. They spend more time looking at us as a whole so, unless it's a major change, they're not likely to notice or comment on things like a new dress or a haircut. That doesn't mean he can't be “trained”, but don't take it personally. If you think about it, this could be a good thing; if he doesn't notice your makeup, he probably also won't notice that pimple on your chin or those dark circles under your eyes.
This isn't to say you don't have one already, but get more involved in the life you have on your own. Join clubs at your school, hang out with friends, take up a new interest-anything that will take up time you might otherwise spend worrying about him. Make yourself less available. Even if he doesn't end up paying more attention to you, you'll have something to fall back on.
Remember, self-fulfillment is attractive. When you're engrossed in your own passions and pursuits, you naturally exude confidence. It's important to nurture your own dreams and set personal goals beyond your relationship. Not only does this provide you with a sense of accomplishment, but it also makes you less dependent on your partner for happiness. He may start seeing you in a new light, admiring your independence and dynamism. Plus, diversifying your joy ensures that no single aspect, including a relationship, becomes your sole source of fulfillment.
Set up times when you will do something that interests both of you and forces you to interact. Turn off the video games (unless that's your interest), stay off of the internet, don't take phone calls and do household chores beforehand. It doesn't have to be much; just something that you both like to do that reminds him of why he's with you in the first place.
If all else fails, break up with him. If he can't be bothered to pay attention to you after you've let him know how you feel and tried to set up special time with him, let him go and find someone who will.
Like I said, hopefully you won't need this information. It's just that we often get so comfortable in our relationships that we think we don't have to try anymore. If you feel that you're not getting the attention you need, perhaps it's time to start trying again. What about you? Have you ever had a boyfriend who doesn't give you the attention you need? If so, how did you handle it Let us know; we need all the help we can get!