Have you ever had a man who didn't pay attention to you? I'm not necessarily talking about cheating; that's something else altogether. If he has kids, those are automatically going to come first. That's a given. However, it can be really frustrating and upsetting when we feel as though the men in our lives would rather play video games or go out drinking than spend time with us. We've gone over ourselves to see if there's anything we could be doing to push him away, but we've come up empty. What do we do now? Just like pretty much every other subject in the world, I managed to find a possible solution on the internet. Hopefully you'll never need them, but here are a few ways to deal with your inattentive boyfriend. I'm working under the assumption that you want to stay together; leaving is an option, but only a last resort.
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Don't Try to Make Him Jealous
First of all, do not try to get his attention by making him jealous. This is an old mind game and he'll see it as such. Knowing that other men want you might make him see what he has, but it also might become a source of “pride” for him and encourage him to use you as a showpiece of sorts. I've had a boyfriend do this, so I know what I'm talking about.
Talk to Him about It
I know this sounds obvious, but you need to let him know how you feel. Chances are he doesn't realize that he's neglecting you; he could be distracted by that big project at work or feeling kind of run-down and tired. Don't beat around the bush; if you're worried he's thinking of breaking up with you, ask him. If he is, you can get it over with. If he's not, that opens the door to dialogue.
Unfortunately, some men are never going to be as attentive as we want. If he's ignoring you because he has a demanding job or interest (say, a musician) that isn't going to change, think about whether you want to continue with this relationship because you're always going to be “second” to these things. Some women can take it, some can't.
Understand That He's a Guy...
...meaning there are some things he's just not going to notice. My husband tries, bless him, but sometimes he won't notice things like a new hair color. I used to get upset about this until I realized that men can't see as many colors as women do. They spend more time looking at us as a whole so, unless it's a major change, they're not likely to notice or comment on things like a new dress or a haircut. That doesn't mean he can't be “trained”, but don't take it personally. If you think about it, this could be a good thing; if he doesn't notice your makeup, he probably also won't notice that pimple on your chin or those dark circles under your eyes.
Get a Life of Your Own
This isn't to say you don't have one already, but get more involved in the life you have on your own. Join clubs at your school, hang out with friends, take up a new interest-anything that will take up time you might otherwise spend worrying about him. Make yourself less available. Even if he doesn't end up paying more attention to you, you'll have something to fall back on.
Set up Regular “dates”
Set up times when you will do something that interests both of you and forces you to interact. Turn off the video games (unless that's your interest), stay off of the internet, don't take phone calls and do household chores beforehand. It doesn't have to be much; just something that you both like to do that reminds him of why he's with you in the first place.
If all else fails, break up with him. If he can't be bothered to pay attention to you after you've let him know how you feel and tried to set up special time with him, let him go and find someone who will.
Like I said, hopefully you won't need this information. It's just that we often get so comfortable in our relationships that we think we don't have to try anymore. If you feel that you're not getting the attention you need, perhaps it's time to start trying again. What about you? Have you ever had a boyfriend who doesn't give you the attention you need? If so, how did you handle it Let us know; we need all the help we can get!
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