Coping with infidelity is incredibly tough. Anyone who´s been cheated on knows how destructive it is to your self-esteem when you find out that the partner you trusted has let you down. Unfortunately, it will happen to many of us, so knowing how to survive infidelity could stand you in good stead. So here are some tips on coping with infidelity …
My first hint on coping with infidelity is to recognise that it takes time to get over the shock of finding out that the person you love has had an affair. It´s an awful realisation, and changes your life and your outlook. So accept that you will feel upset, angry and a variety of other emotions; these feelings are normal and valid.
A cheater will often try to blame you for their behaviour. You gained weight, were too busy with the kids, they felt neglected … or they blame the other party for “tempting” them. The responsibility lies with them – don´t let them make you feel that it´s your fault.
Frequently it´s the “other woman” who gets the blame for the affair. Yes, she was wrong to have an affair with someone who was already in a relationship, but your partner is the one who cheated on you. She may even have been fooled into believing he was single. So remember that it takes two to have an affair, and don´t let your partner off the hook.
I won´t say that it´s easy coping with infidelity. It certainly is not. But even though your life has been turned upside down (or perhaps because of it), you discover hidden reserves of strength that you never knew you had. Nobody wants to be cheated on, but you can come out of the experience a much stronger person.
Sometimes, the key to knowing how to survive infidelity is to be prepared to start all over again. If you can´t live with your partner any more, then you have to move on. It´s tough, and takes a lot of adjustment, but you can do it – and in the long run will be much happier for it.
It´s tempting to badger your partner for every little detail of the liaison. How did they meet? What does she look like? How long has it been going on? However, this can become an obsession, and will not help you get over the experience. So even if you need to know some things, don´t ask endless questions. You´ll just drive yourself crazy.
This option is not for everyone. Many of us could never forgive a partner for cheating on us. If that is the case, then the best option is to separate and move on. Some people, however, prefer to try working through the situation and rescue the relationship. This can work if the person who cheated is genuinely sorry, and willing to put the effort into rebuilding trust.
Coping with infidelity is a difficult situation, as it comes as a terrible shock to find out that your relationship is not what you thought it was. Trust is damaged, sometimes beyond repair, and your self-esteem also suffers. But you can cope – it takes a lot of effort, but it is possible. If you have been cheated on, or indeed been the one who cheated, do you know from experience how to survive infidelity?
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