25 Worst Chat-Up Lines and Crap Pick Up Lines That Never Work

1. Do You Believe...

One of the classic examples of a terrible pick up line is: "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past again?" While it aims to sound cheeky, it usually comes across as over-rehearsed and cheesy.

2. Ladder or Stairway

"Is that a ladder in your tights, or is it a stairway to heaven?" This cringe-worthy phrase tries to combine a compliment with a joke about damaged hosiery. If you're looking for ladder pick up lines or heaven pick up lines, this one ranks near the top of crap chat up lines.

3. Close Your Eyes...

"Close your eyes. I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching your lips." Someone actually tried this line on me recently. Spoiler: it didn’t work, and it felt more awkward than romantic.

4. Star Trek

"Hey Pretty Lady, I Know Klingon And Tonight I’m Going to Klingon to You!" A chat-up line specifically tailored for sci-fi fans. For those curious about the lore behind the language, check out the official Star Trek universe. Klingon is Star Trek… right?

5. Boyfriend Material

"Have a Feel of My Shirt. Do You Know What It Feels like? Boyfriend Material." While not as bizarre as the Klingon line, touching someone's clothes to deliver a pun is rarely a winning strategy for dating.

6. Ring Your Mum...

"Here’s 10p. Ring Your Mum And Tell Her You Won’t Be Coming Home Tonight." Outdated currency reference aside (10p won't get you far nowadays!), this assumption is far too forward for a first conversation.

7. Guessing Game

"Pick a Number between One And 10. Oh Sorry, You Lost! You’ll Have to Take All Your Clothes off." Easily one of the most disgusting chat up lines on the list. High presumption and zero charm make this a total non-starter.

8. Mr. Right

"Hi, I’m Mr Right. Somebody Said You Were Looking for Me?" Arrogance disguised as confidence rarely lands well. If you think this works better than asking for a library card, think again!

9. For Book Worms

"Do You Have a Library Card? Because I Am Checking You Out." A classic line for avid readers! If you actually enjoy reading classic literature, exploring public domain works on Project Gutenberg library might yield better stories than this corny line.

10. While Traveling?

"Is There An Airport Nearby, Or Did My Heart Just Take off?" A cheesy line for travelers. If you're genuinely interested in aviation, tracking flights on Flightradar24 tracking is far more entertaining than using this line in an airport lounge.

11. Cooking

"I’ll Cook You Dinner If You Cook My Breakfast." Bargaining for a morning-after meal before you even know their name is bold, to say the least.

12. Insurance

"I Was So Distracted by Your Beauty That I Ran into The Wall over There. I’m Going to Need Your Name And Number. You Know, for Insurance Purposes." Slapstick comedy in verbal form. It's goofy, but at least it's relatively harmless compared to harsher lines.

13. I'm Lost!

"Hello, I’m Lost. Can You Give Me Directions to Your House Please?" Asking for directions to someone's home on first meeting is a quick way to get pointed toward the exit.

14. You Wish...

"Well, Here I Am. So, What Were Your Other Two Wishes?" Acting like a genie granting a wish might sound clever in your head, but out loud, it just sounds conceited.

15. Suspended License

"Hi. Did Your License Get Suspended for Driving All These Guys Crazy?" A cheesy classic that has been circulating for decades. It's predictable, but usually draws a laugh (or a cringe).

16. Time Vs. Energy

Another classic: you ask someone for the time, and rather than telling you, they ask if you have the energy. It relies on wordplay that rarely lands gracefully.

17. Time's up!

"You Have Five Seconds to Give Me Your Number. If You Don’t, You May Have to Forget about Going Out with Me Forever." Putting someone on an arbitrary timer creates uncomfortable pressure. Unless you already pulled off the stairway to heaven line, countdowns rarely work.

18. Evidence

"Will You Take a Picture with Me? I Want to Prove to My Friends That Angels Really Do Exist." Sweet in intent, perhaps, but still firmly in cheesy pick up line territory.

19. Am I Cute?

"You See My Mate over There? He Wants to Know If You Think I’m Cute." Using a friend as a shield to ask if someone finds you attractive feels like a middle school playground tactic.

21. Quite an Insult, Actually...

"Hi. You’ll Do!" Blunt, dismissive, and quite an insult, actually! Nobody wants to feel like a last resort.

22. Dreams

"Hi, Have We Met before? Oh Right. That Was Only in My Dreams." A fairytale cliché that feels straight out of a cheesy romance film.

23. Free Drink?

He approaches and says, "Excuse me, but I think you owe me a drink." You ask why and he says, "Because I saw you across the room and dropped mine." Points for creativity, but asking strangers to pay for dropped drinks is a bit cheeky!

24. Steamy, Actually!

"Is It Hot in Here, Or Is It You?" A classic weather-based line that everyone has heard at least a dozen times.

25. Coat Check

"Get Your Coat. You’ve Pulled." And finally, simple, direct, and to the point. How could you possibly say no to that? (Spoiler: very easily!)

Well, I guess (and hope!) these chat-up lines don’t really work, but they certainly provide a funny talking point. Still, if anyone reading is guilty of using any of the above – just introduce yourself naturally, tell them how nice they look, or offer to buy them a drink. You’ll find authentic conversation works out much better! Do you have any unusual or awful chat-up lines you’ve heard on Tinder or in person?