Learning how to deal with your boyfriend coming out to you as gay isn't easy, especially if you have a lot of time and energy invested into the relationship. Sometimes, when you are gay, you don't realize it in the beginning, so you date someone and even get serious with someone before you realize that it isn't the right relationship for you. This relationship issue does happen and it's serious. It's a relationship issue that you do have to deal with if it does happen to you and it has to be dealt with, with care. So girls, that is why I came up with the top 10 ways to deal with your boyfriend coming out to you.
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1. You May Have Suspected
Some guys are very easy to spot as being gay, but if they are in a relationship with you and having sex with you on a regular basis, it's hard to spot your boyfriend being gay. One of the things that you do have to watch out for is – how does he treat you after sex? How does it really feel for him? Do you feel connected to him? Do you feel closer? This is a sign.
2. Don't Ask 'Why' or 'How'
I know it's hard when your boyfriend is coming out to you to not ask a ton of questions, especially the 'why' or 'how' type of questions, but he is probably already confused as well, so he probably won't have an answer for you. It's better all around if you avoid these types of questions girls, I know it's hard, but it's better.
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3. Realize It's Natural
Being gay isn't something that you can wake up and choose to be, it's something that is part of your chemical makeup. I'm gay and I didn't choose to like girls, but I do. It's something that is natural and something that every gay person has to fight against, so make sure that you realize that it isn't you or anything you did, it is something that they've been hiding.
4. Express Your Support
When your boyfriend is coming out to you, you want to make sure that you are staying supportive of him. I know that it is difficult for you to put aside your own fears and feelings to express support to someone that might've been lying to you, but when your boyfriend comes out to you, it's a different situation.
5. Be Upset in Private
With this tip, I'm not saying that you can't express your upset feelings to him, but there is really no sense in making him feel bad about himself or who he is. It's something that is natural and something that just happens, so that means that it might be better for you to be upset in private. It might save you both a lot of time and pain.
6. Reassure Him It's Okay
Even though, at first, it might not be okay, you'll get over it and he will too. Remember girls, when you have a gay boyfriend, it isn't because you are the problem or you made him gay, he was gay, he was just not realizing who he is. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, remember that.
7. Don't Force It, Even if You Suspect
If you suspect that your boyfriend is gay, that doesn't mean that you immediately jump on him and force him to admit it. In fact girls, you want to make sure that you leave small hints, but never, ever force it out of him or confront him about it. If you suspect heavily that your boyfriend is gay, you might just want to break up with him and give him that freedom.
8. Be Understanding
Being understanding when a situation like this happens is one of the best things that you can do, especially if you do want to save the friendship. You want to let him know that you get it, that you know it isn't you, but in fact, that it was him. Just let him know that you understand, it'll make all of the difference in the world.
9. Don't Reject Him
Never, ever reject your boyfriend when he is coming out to you. It's hard enough to come out to someone, but when you do it and they immediately reject you? It can make it that much harder to come out to the next person. It's okay to be a little upset, but try to front in the beginning and don't reject him right off the bat.
10. Let Him Come to You
Finally girls, the last way to deal with your boyfriend coming out to you is to let him come to you. Of course, if you really think and believe he's gay, it might be worth it to end the relationship, as I said above, but let him come to you. He will, eventually, you can't hide who you are forever.
Coming out is a very personal decision and one that does take a lot of time. If you know you have a gay boyfriend, you've got to follow some of these tips and make it easier for him. Dealing with your boyfriend coming out to you is never easy, but it is something that a lot of girls go through. So, what other tips do you have on this subject? Any to share?
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Comments
Ashleigh: Wish I had this list last year, ex came out to me by admitting he had slept with another guy. I think it also should be on the list don't go "Did I turn him gay?". I know so many people who asked if I was thinking that, or others who were in my situation who honestly thought it was something they did that turned them off females.
Mackenzie: @Danielle You say it's a choice. It's not. You making that comment was a CHOICE. You being a homophobe is a CHOICE. You deciding to take time out of your day to write that comment just to justify yourself is a CHOICE. Being gay is not a choice.
Jessica: Holy crap. I have been Googling about ways to support my newly out boyfriend/friend and haven't not read anything so lopsided in the entire time. Yes, coming out is difficult, but not just for the person coming out. It's almost certain that they have been deceptive and it is certain that if they were playing straight then there are several people who are going to feel betrayed. You need to give that perspective a little air time or otherwise, this just sounds self serving.
Carrie: Heather, I really need your help!! My boyfriend told his best guy friend he was "breakin up with me", at a friends party... but then told him i think im going to stay with her. He also is still crushin on his ex-girlfriend, and i don't wanna show im jelous or mad, but i just don't wanna lose him over her. How can i get him to some what , "move on over here and focuss on our relationship"..?
Crystal: @Danielle 100% agree
Danielle: you are not born gay, it is a choice.
Mackenzie: @Danielle so it's a choice huh? So you're telling me that people CHOOSE to be bullied. You're telling me people CHOOSE to be submitted to ridicule and conversion therapy and beatings and depression and hate crimes. You're telling me people CHOOSE this?
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