One of the most important relationship skills that you can learn is how to fight fair and these tips for fighting fair can help you with that. If you do not have the tools to fight fair, your relationship is on dangerous ground. Nasty fights can do damage that it can take months, if not years, to undo. It is worth your time to learn these tips for fighting fair to better your relationship.
Table of contents:
- say what you mean but don’t say it mean
- hold hands when you disagree
- stick to the issue
- no name calling
- don’t go for the sensitive spot
- use i-statements
- remember the goal
1 Say What You Mean but Don’t Say It Mean
You know that you want to get your point across in an argument. But when you use an unkind tone or sarcasm, you are forgetting to use these tips for fighting fair. All you are doing when you choose to say something unkindly is throwing fuel on the fire. It will not help you to win the argument and will more than likely create hurt feelings in your partner. You can say how you feel and what you think without being unkind.
2 Hold Hands when You Disagree
I am sure many of you are thinking this is an impossible thing to do when you argue but it can work. This theory is tested and true. Holding hands is a way to remind yourselves that you are on the same side and are both pulling for the same winner, your relationship. The trick is you start out your discussion holding hands and it helps to keep the discussion smooth and even. This will not work after an argument has already escalated into a terrible fight.
3 Stick to the Issue
If you are fighting about the fact that your boyfriend or husband is rude to your friends, stick to that issue. Do not allow something you argued over six months ago to be brought in. When that happens, you are off track and the argument is going to get bigger. If you sense this is starting to happen, remind your partner of what you are really fighting over. After all, the goal of the argument is to find resolution to the conflict, not add an additional one.
4 No Name Calling
Name calling should just be off limits. Just make a decision that you are not going to go there. When you stoop to acting like this then you have really dropped in maturity level and you can expect your fight to go even more downhill. If you are so angry that you are tempted to do this then it may be time to take a time out to cool down. You will be more ready to deal with it after a time out period.
5 Don’t Go for the Sensitive Spot
We all have sensitive spots and usually, our partner knows them well because they know us so intimately. A sensitive spot is something that your partner knows is a particularly sensitive issue for you and they hit you there or you hit them there during an argument. It could be that you feel really insecure in your appearance or that you have a lot of deep hurts concerning a past relationship with a friend. Whatever that sensitive spot is for each other, you should never, ever strike there. That is what you call a low blow.
6 Use I-statements
It is much easier to keep things on level footing in an argument when you choose to use I-statements. I-statements are statements that you use to say how you feel. It is a much better alternative that starting a sentence with you, which implies that you are accusing your partner of something. Using I-statements are much less likely to make your partner go on the defensive. This can help lead to a quicker resolution.
7 Remember the Goal
It is easy to lose track of the goal when you are in an argument. The goal is to find a solution to your disagreement. The fact that you share a relationship that you treasure should be front and center in your mind. It is very easy to forget this and go from being on the same team to being on opposing teams and rooting for yourself instead of a common goal. Remembering the goal is key.
Fighting fair is a skill that you can learn. What do you do to help you fight fair in your relationship? We can all learn from each other here.
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