Why Pushing for Marriage Can Backfire: 7 Reasons to Wait

1. Mutual Decision

Marriage should be a mutual decision, so don't let it become a goal to pursue at all costs. The cost could be more than you really want to pay. If your partner comes round to the idea of getting married, all well and good, but they need to do that in their own time, if it happens at all. Otherwise, by pushing them to get married, you are taking away their right to make their own choices and denying their voice. According to The Gottman Institute, shared meaning is crucial for a successful partnership.

2. Refusal

Pushing your partner to get married can be risky. If you force the issue and keep on at them, you might not like their answer! As for issuing an ultimatum, forget it; the chances are very high that they will feel backed into a corner and refuse outright to even consider the idea of getting married. This often leads to a defensive refusal that could even end your relationship entirely. It's better to have an open conversation about your future goals than to demand an answer before they are ready.

3. Marriage Isn't for Everyone

It's certainly difficult when two partners have very different feelings about marriage. If they're reluctant, you'll have to decide if you would rather stay with them in an unmarried relationship, or if marriage is too important to you. You're not likely to achieve the outcome you desire by being pushy on the subject. Some people find fulfillment in long-term partnerships without a legal certificate, and it's vital to respect that perspective if you want the relationship to survive.

4. Risky

Even if your partner does reluctantly agree to get married, you're both taking a risk. They may always carry a feeling of resentment for being pushed into marriage, and you may come to feel that they aren't truly committed. The risk of divorce already exists, so there's no point increasing the odds by starting your union on shaky ground. A marriage built on pressure is far more likely to crumble than one built on mutual desire.

5. Different Values

Ultimately, you may have values that are too different from your partner. If you want to get married for cultural or religious reasons, you may have to look for a partner who shares those values. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't regard marriage with the same importance leaves you with a simple choice: would you rather be married to someone else, or is this person more important to you? Understanding your non-negotiables is key to long-term happiness. If you're worried about different values, it's better to address them now than later.

6. Underselling Yourself

Insisting on marrying someone who isn't equally keen to marry you is selling yourself short. Don't you value yourself more highly than that? If you really love the meaning and commitment of marriage, then wait until you meet someone who shares that view. You deserve to be with someone who is excited to walk down the aisle with you. Value what you have with someone who loves you, but don't try to persuade them to get married if they're not keen; you are worth more than a forced 'I do.'

7. Matrimonial Obsession

Finally, consider if you're being a teeny bit obsessed with the idea of getting married. It hardly needs pointing out that marriage lasts a long time, whereas a wedding is just one day. Too many people focus on the wedding and pay less attention to what comes after. Ask yourself: Do you want to marry your partner, or just get married? Focusing on the relationship itself is always more productive than focusing on the event.

Marriage is such a serious commitment that it should only be entered for the right reasons. Remember that it's not the only way a relationship can be meaningful. Love and commitment are the most essential values, whether or not you have a legal document. Have you ever known someone who was so obsessed with getting married that they lost sight of the person they were marrying? Keep your focus on the love you share, and the rest will follow in its own time.