The subject of secrets in a relationship is an iffy one and there are some big time secrets that will hurt a relationship. Some people believe that there should be no secrets between two people who are committed to each other, while others believe a relationship is healthier if some things are kept secret.
However you feel about it, there are some secrets that will hurt a relationship, secrets that you shouldn’t keep from your partner. Relationships are built on love, trust and respect and even if some things are scary, by not being honest, you are putting that at risk. If a secret comes to light, it can lead your partner to think about what else could you be hiding, and wondering why you didn’t feel like you could tell him.
1 You Have Cheated in This Relationship or in the past
This is never going to be an easy one to open up about. Of course, you shouldn’t cheat in the first place, but having an affair and keeping it secret can eat away at you and affect your relationship. The secrecy and lying about committing infidelity is not healthy. You can’t be committed to your future relationship if you are constantly worrying you might be found out. You have to be prepared also, that this might mean the end of your relationship so be ready to fight for it. Infidelity is one of the worst secrets that will hurt a relationship so talk it out right away.
Frequently asked questions
2 You Had an Emotional Affair
Some people will regard an emotional affair as equally betraying as a sexual affair. Of course, it is perfectly rational and reasonable to have close friendships outside your romantic relationship but it is important to not overstep the boundaries. If your partner finds out, it can cause a lot of pain and recrimination. It will make them wonder what your friend is giving you that they can’t and certainly make them think that it has the potential to progress from an emotional affair to a sexual affair.
3 How You Are Spending Money
Financial issues are one of the biggest causes of marriage and relationship failure. It is another tricky issue because it depends on the financial boundaries you have set. There is no need to disclose every penny you spend, but you should inform your partner about big purchases or anything that you are saving for. Hiding money, spending money without your partner knowing or lying about finances can destroy your relationship. Likewise, if you go into a relationship where you are going to live together or are going to get married and you have existing financial problems, you should come clean about them.
4 Any History of STIs
It’s not the easiest subject to discuss but your partner deserves to know if you have had or currently have a sexually transmitted infection. Sex and sexual health are major factors in a happy relationship and your partner should be informed of your sexual history if it involves any sort of STI/STD. Dealing with it upfront is far easier than having to deal with the fallout if you keep it a secret and then he finds out.
5 Any History of Addiction
Addictions are considered a family disease because they can have such a major impact on everyone who is close to the addict or former addict. Whether it is or was drugs, gambling, alcohol or something else, your partner deserves to know. Addicts require support. They have to attend meetings and seek treatment. That is hard to keep a secret from your partner, who will be both hurt and betrayed if you don’t trust him with such important information about yourself.
6 Any History of Mental Illness
There is a stigma about mental illness that makes it a very difficult subject to open up about, but telling your partner can be a good thing. By revealing more about yourself, you are gaining another avenue of support. Don’t build a relationship built on the worry and insecurity of him finding out. A good partner will understand, be supportive and want to help.
7 Emotional Baggage
Everyone has baggage when they go into a relationship. It may be a history of picking the wrong men who always took advantage of you or something more serious like childhood abuse or a previous abusive relationship. Critical experiences in the past affect how you act in the future so it is best to not be haunted by them. Be open and there is a better chance than your partner will understand you better.
8 Issues and Things That Bother You
Things that bother you, if left and not dealt with, can fester and grow. Don’t put a brave face on something, nor think, “oh well, maybe it’s just a phase”, nor stay silent, just to “keep the peace”. Small problems should be addressed before they become bigger problems. If your partner asks if you’re ok and all you reply is “fine”, you are essentially lying, same with when you choose not to say anything about the issue. Confront the issue. Find a time to raise it and talk about it.
No one is going to pretend any of these secrets are easy to come clean about. There will be pain when the secret is shared but a strong relationship will come through and you’ll have a great foundation of trust to work from.
