I always thought that there was no such thing as a successful long-distance relationship. Maybe it seems like it's going to work at first, but in the end, it all finishes in the same way. However, now I think they can, but it's not easy. Relationships are hard at the best of times and putting substantial physical distance between the two of you is never going to make it any easier. But it can work - and this is what you need to give yourselves a fighting chance for a successful long-distance relationship.
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1. Communication
Obviously, but this is even more important for a successful long-distance relationship. Ok, so you can't see each other as often as you'd perhaps like, but there are so many easy, free ways to keep in touch now - whether you're 100 miles away or 3,000. Obviously, it's not just about practical means of communication. You need to be able to be completely open with one another - if one of you is feeling down, a bit insecure or even just missing the other more than usual, then you have to be able to talk about it openly and honestly.
2. Time
It's one thing having the means and inclination to communicate, but you also need to make the time. Lots of us don't get much spare time anymore, and that daily Skype call or whatever can start to fall by the wayside. If you're not taking the time to actually, properly talk to one another, then it's not going to work. It just won't. Also, maybe try setting a joint alarm every day. When that alarm goes off, you both know that you'll be thinking of one another.
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3. Trust
Again, you need this in every relationship but it's so important long-distance. I'm sure that all of us, no matter how happy we are, sometimes have days where we worry about what our partner is doing. When it's long-distance, you'll have no way of knowing for sure so you will have to go on trust. If you don't trust them, the insecurity will wear you both down sooner rather than later.
4. Let's Get Serious
You have to be willing to put a reasonable amount of commitment into a long-distance relationship - let's be honest, they take a lot more effort than a relationship where you live five minutes away from each other. If you don't go into it wholeheartedly, then it won't work: you just won't put the effort in.
5. SEX
Let's be honest, we all need this for a relationship to work and if you're 1,000 miles away, you probably aren't getting any. But there are other ways to get what you want - skype, messaging, snapchat. It's not as good as the real thing, but it's much better than nothing.
6. Make a Date
It's all well and good talking every day, but you do need to actually see each other at some point. I appreciate that, depending on where you both are, time and money may be an issue. However, even if it's not that often, it's important to make dates to meet up as regularly as you both can.
7. An End Goal
You can't carry on like this indefinitely. If you feel that it's a relationship that's truly going to last, then you both need something to work towards. Otherwise, those steps - moving in together, getting more serious - just aren't going to happen. And, if you know there's an end in sight, it'll make the bad times where you miss each other more bearable.
Every relationship is different, and this isn't a step-by-step guide - just the things I feel like I need. What do you think? Are long-distance relationships more likely to end badly, or is it possible to defy the odds?
Comments
Kristin: Love it!!
princessbae98: my boyfriend is from Texas I am from Pennsylvania. he has been ignoring me for two days now am I pushing him away or am I doing something wrong we do all these steps but he still ignores me.
Tanya: I've been in a long distance relationship with my bf since I started college, looking at it as I now only have 1 more year out of the original 4 really helps. @ milyeva I love the idea of an electronic gift card, that's brilliant. But for some dates where I don't wanna go out my BF and I will sit on the phone and watch the same movie on our Netflix account. But LDR are very hard, and lonely. He's in Oregon while I'm in school in Vermont and the time difference sucks!
Belle_Keys: Great!!
Rose: Hi, so i have just started seeing this guy. But its really complicated... he is from England and i live in Australia, he is only here for 3 more months but i can feel myself really falling for him. I know it probably won't work out, but i want to make it special for the time we have left... but i can't tell if he likes me or we are just a fling... any advice? xx.
Pierce: FWIW, Phone Sex is far more interesting than Skype Sex, lol. . .
Mileyva: If two people love even other enough to be committed through a long haul of having a serious relationship then a long distance relationship will work. Therein I don't recommend long distance relationships for people who have never had a serious relationship before or are happier as casual daters. A great idea for a date is to schedule a movie time. My boyfriend (living in New York City) and I (living in Austin, Texas) will go to the movies "together". We do this by scheduling to see the same movie at the exact same time (minding the time zones), he sends me an electronic gift card to print out so he actually pays for my movie and snacks. After the movie is over we Skype or talk on the phone about the movie. Long distance relationships don't work for everyone, but it is a great experience to undergo as each person is held to a higher standard and you can be yourself and work together for the same committed goal--being together.
Christina: @Milyeva I'm currently in an LDR as well. My awesome boyfriend lives just outside of NY (in CT) and I live in Seattle. I love your movie date idea, and I'm going to suggest we try it.
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