If your significant other is miles away and one of you is struggling with monogamy, you might be wondering if maybe you should have an open long distance relationship. It’s perfectly understandable that this thought may have crossed your mind since being in an long distance relationship is frustrating because you frequently sacrifice all the physical aspects of a relationship. If you are thinking of trying an open long distance relationship, here’s a few tips that can help set the groundwork for a great relationship.
1. Is Your Heart in It?
Before you embark on an open long distance relationship, ask yourself are you truly okay with sharing the person that you love with someone else? Some people can handle it as long as its just meaningless sex or only kissing, while others would never give the go-ahead to proceed. If you cant even stand the thought of your man kissing another woman, this is definitely not the relationship for you.
2. Are You and Him on the Same Page?
If you are fine being monogamous but he’s the one wanting to see other people, its time to reconsider the entire relationship because the two of you aren't compatible when it comes to relationship needs. The only way this type of relationship will work is if you are both happy with the arrangement. If you aren't comfortable with it, let him know your true feelings. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to grudgingly agree to an open long distance relationship when your heart is screaming no. If your only option was to split up or to have an open relationship, let him go because you will be miserable knowing you are sharing him with others.
3. Structure of Your Open Relationship
What kind of structure do you want your open long distance relationship to have? There are different structures of open relationships so you have to figure out what kind works for the two of you. A polyamorous relationship would allow you to have a partner outside of the relationship that not only provides physical benefits but emotional and spiritual benefits as well. Or you might agree on casual hookups but you aren't allowed to have contact with the other person afterwards. Another option is to have the green light to date other people but only allow kissing.
4. Set Basic Rules
It’s a good idea to set a few basic rules for your relationship to clear up confusion and to avoid any misunderstandings. Some common rules of an open long distance relationship include: no sex with someone that you have been romantically involved with, notification must be given in advance of a date with another person, always practice safe sex and there is a limit to the amount of sleepovers you can have with the other person. The two of you need to set rules that you are both comfortable with and that work for your relationship. It has to be understood that anything that is outside of these set rules is considered cheating and a violation of your trust.
5. Dealing with Jealousy
Jealousy often rears its ugly head when an outside partner is brought into the relationship. With billions of people on this planet and even in the best of relationships, jealousy is bound to happen at some point. You might worry that your boyfriend is going to fall in love with someone he shares his bed with. The best thing to do is to discuss your feelings of jealousy and insecurity with him and work through the issue. If he does feel that he is developing an emotional attachment to someone else and you only agreed to casual flings, he needs to immediately cut contact with the other person so those feelings don’t grow any deeper.
6. Be an Open Book
This type of relationship demands a lot of communication so talk about everything. There cant be any secrets of any kind between the two of you. Build trust in the relationship by being honest with each other about your intentions and your sexual encounters. Another thing you need to figure out is how much information you want to know about the other partner. Some people want to hear every explicit detail while others are satisfied just knowing the facts like the name of the other person and the time and place of the sexual encounter.
7. Veto Rule
Many couples have a veto rule in place. This rule states that the couple has to come to an agreement about the other person before proceeding on a date or a sleepover. This veto rule gives you the ultimate power to say no to a potential outside partner that you don’t want your boyfriend to be with. If your partner says no to someone you had in mind, you have to respect his choice and abide by it. If one of you goes against the other’s wishes, its considered cheating.
If you feel that an open long distance relationship is the right choice for you, don’t let others judge your relationship. Each of us has different relationship needs and if this works for the two of you, don’t worry about what others think. So ladies what are your thoughts on an open long distance relationship?