The dating game is never easy but with guest contributor, Fiona's tips and tricks, you can get any guy to fall for you. Thanks Fiona!
Something often explained is the scientific process that occurs in our brain when we fall in love with someone, but what is yet to be explained is why we fall in love with the people we do. Looking over my past (extensive) dating history, I can remember those men that I instantly fell head over heels for and those that I didn't feel a thing for – it all of course comes down to that enigmatic thing we call "chemistry". At the time I couldn't put my finger on why I felt such a strong connection with certain guys, who I perhaps didn't find physically attractive at first glance, whereas with the guys who did fit my 'type' physically, I felt little to no chemistry. Of course personality is the key component to chemistry, but (nearly) all of the men I have dated have been intelligent, polite, charming and funny. It is then that I realised that perhaps there are key ingredients outside of personality traits that help to create this so-called 'chemistry', and as long as we know these ingredients, us women can use this to our advantage, to make him feel chemistry for, and in turn fall for, us. Our love life just got a whole lot easier.
The key to attracting the opposite sex is confidence. There is no bigger turn-off than a woman who is insecure, so if you want to become a boy-magnet, it is absolutely essential that you work to get rid of those insecurities and learn to truly love yourself. Many of us try to feign confidence if we don't already have it, but genuine confidence will get you much further with men (and for your own peace of mind).
A good way to think of it is like selling a product. Nobody will buy your product unless you yourself believe in it; if you truly believe in the brand, it will come across as you sell it, and more people will want to buy it. Likewise, the more belief you have in yourself, the more people will want you. Simple as that.
I'm a firm believer that you can never have too much confidence – and regardless of what others say, confidence should not have to translate as arrogance (in fact, the most arrogant people are usually those with the least confidence). If you truly like yourself, every guy you meet will be thinking: «Wow she obviously likes herself, so I'll probably like her too – because there's obviously something worth liking, and I want to see what it is!» Men find confidence in a woman intriguing.
Once you've nailed the confidence, you can move onto the next stage: 'being the person you would want to date'. Too many women can't find love because they are too busy looking for their perfect man. So instead of writing a check-list that includes every characteristic your future man needs to have, pretend you are that perfect man, and write a check-list of every quality you think he would want in his woman... and then become it.
Becoming the person you would want to date doesn't mean trying to become someone you're not, since the chances are you already have all those qualities you are looking for i.e. interesting, intelligent, sense of humour, kind, caring, polite etc. So make sure you show him all these different sides of you as often as you can. There is no point in thinking you have a good sense of humour if he doesn't get to see it, so don't be afraid to make him laugh now and again, and don't forget to laugh yourself – laughing is one of the most attractive things a person can do; people who laugh a lot are viewed as easy-going, fun-loving people who don't take life too seriously. And for the record, one of the main qualities guys look for in girls is someone they have fun with. So when you go on a date, don't focus on him so much, but focus more on having fun yourself. This way you will naturally exude a positive energy.
Too many women spend half their time wondering and worrying if their date finds them attractive. I know it's difficult, but try not to let these doubts even enter your mind! Before you even see him, just make the assumption that he will or does fancy you (because - why wouldn't he?), then you will feel and seem more relaxed, and can concentrate on having a good time.
So if you have nailed the previous steps, you should be able to attract a man without too much trouble, which is the fundamental first stage. The next stage is to maintain his interest, to a point where he falls head over heels in love with you. Sound simple? Well actually, I like to think it is.
Something I have picked up on, is that we fall for people who see in us the things we like to see in ourselves – you might say, they see in us our 'ideal self'. So it's not surprising that we feel drawn to them, because being with them allows us to be the person we have always wanted to be. All the time, I hear people using phrases like: 'he just gets me'. And that is exactly what this means. A man who appreciates our best qualities makes us feel great about ourselves – ever wonder why when you're all loved up and smitten, you feel overwhelmed with confidence and almost super-human? This is because someone is allowing us to be the person we've always aspired to be in our own heads.
So to reverse this psychology and make a man fall for you, the key is to try and recognise what it is they value most about themselves, and show your appreciation for these qualities – this is closely tied to being a good listener, but it is more than that. If he likes to be seen as the 'funny guy', make him feel like the funniest guy on earth (although try and make sure your laughter at least sounds genuine)! If he likes to be seen as the 'ultra masculine guy', make him feel like a man by acting more submissive at times and appreciating his chivalrous acts. If he has a particular interest in something, be it cars, sports, alternative music (could be anything), show that you appreciate his interest for it – note, you don't have to be interested in the same things, but he will appreciate a woman who welcomes his passions. By showing your appreciation for these qualities that he values in himself, he will feel interesting, valued and worthy, and you will create in his head a 'bond' between the two of you. And all of a sudden – voila – you have chemistry (at least according to him).
Eye contact is another sure fire way to create an imaginary bond with someone of the opposite sex. Not only does intense eye contact show that you are a good listener, that you value what your man is saying, and is a way to make him feel special (even adored by you), but it has been proven that maintained eye contact actually tricks the brain into thinking that a deep bond exists between you and the other person. Usually when we hold prolonged eye contact with another, that person is someone we love or have intimate feelings for, so intense eye contact with someone else can trigger these same feelings of intimacy and love.
This one is made even easier if you have particularly appealing eyes, so ladies, make sure you vamp up the mascara and eye-liner, and allow him to get lost in those beautiful eyes! Eyes are the windows to the soul, and they are also deemed as one of the sexiest and alluring features a female possesses, so make sure you use them to your advantage!
Now this man of yours may have dated (or be dating) tons of other women, so the most important thing you can do, is be memorable. You need to stand out from all the other girls he has dated in the past. You may not be the best-looking girl or the most intelligent girl, so if this means acting a little weird/kooky/crazy then so be it! Of course don't be too crazy, as you don't want to scare him away. However, it is good to have something unique about your personality that makes you stand out from the crowd of hot girls clamouring for this guy's attention, so if you leave an impression on him, you can be sure that he'll be thinking about you. The more he thinks about you, the more likely he is to fall for you.
Besides, even if it doesn't work out in the end, at least you'll be the one, out of all his ex-girlfriend's, that sticks in his mind, because the other girls weren't nearly as exciting.
Conclusion
Of course it isn't a good idea to lead someone on you have no interest in dating, but for the men you would like to stick around, I advise that you play by these rules. Soon you will have so many men flocking to be with you, you will be fighting them off! Happy dating!