If you're anything like me, then it probably won't be a nice feeling you get when you hear about an ex. I'm one of those people who is firmly in the 'you can never be friends with an ex' camp. Even if it ended ok and it was the right decision, I just don't think you can be friends with someone you were once in love with. So, here I'm going to look at the feelings you may have when you hear about an ex, based on the assumption that you aren't friends, neither of you want to get back together and you've been broken up for a long time.
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1. Curious
This is the least painful and most obvious feeling you'll have when you hear about an ex. I split up with my last 'serious' boyfriend a year and a half ago, so, when I recently got the opportunity, I was really curious to hear what he'd been up to. Not because I cared particularly, but because I'd spent three years of my life with this person. I think (I hope) it's natural to wonder what that person has been up to.
2. I Just Don't Understand
You broke up for a reason; neither of you want to be with one another again. But still, I just don't get it. You shared absolutely everything with that person, perhaps - at one point, at least - more than you'd shared with anyone; they saw your best and your worst bits. Then you break up and when you hear about that person in the future, it's like they're a complete stranger. How does that happen? When you break up, where does that intimacy go?
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3. One-upmanship
One of the less noble feelings you might experience - I wanted to know that I'd exceeded that person's expectations of me. I wanted the sparkly, successful life and I wanted it to be shinier than his. In fact, it turned out that mine did sound shinier. But when you realise you have the shiny life, you see that it doesn't matter anyway, because your life is still hard, and dirty, and bad-tempered - no matter how good it sounds.
4. Jealousy
Jealousy - one of life's most ugly emotions. You could be totally happy with another person and the thought of getting back with your ex is a terrible, terrible idea, but I bet a part of you will feel jealous when you hear about his girlfriend. You're no longer the great love of his life, but just a love, and does he love this person more than he ever loved you? Does it matter if he does?
5. Did He Ask about Me?
I don't know why I wanted the answer to be yes to this question, but I did. I wanted to know that I occasionally crossed his mind, like he occasionally crosses mine.
6. Happy
A part of you - a bigger part if you're a better person than I am - will be happy to hear that things have worked out for him. And that's a nice feeling, and you can feel good about yourself for that.
7. Sadness
And finally, you will feel sad. You will have that funny, empty feeling in your stomach and it'll feel like you do when you have people over and then they leave, so that it's just you and empty rooms. It doesn't last that long and it doesn't matter that you never want him back or that you are much happier now, because you have permanently lost something that once made you very happy.
Well, I hope that hasn't made you sink into a pit of despair. Really, I wanted to assure myself that what I felt is normal and I'm not weird. How did you feel when you saw your ex?
Comments
Adea: so true..
Rich: Thanks for making me feel normal! And yes, I'm a guy :)
Mahahn: Very well put and on point for me. I put a lot of effort to move on from my ex, and when I did I didn't pay attention that these thoughts naturally emerge. likewise, after it runs briefly past my mind I subconsciously disregard the thought automatically. thank you for this article.
Mikaela: this describes how I feel completely. I don't think guys ask about their exs tho. I think girls care more...
Chelsea: very true.. another thing ladies is DO not look him via social media, looking at what he's doing or who he might be with will hurt even more.. and then you get addicted to looking at his page. you will never move on! #girlcode (:
Sarah: these are all true...the feels😭
Reasonsmay: Hi am a guy ,I did lost my ex for some controversy hearing ,and many people involve in our relation ,I did say many stupid things I really feel so really deeply sorry because I though she was the love of my life ,I did really love her with all my heart ,,I guess she hotbot over .so is time to let go everything ?
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