One of the best things about the heart is that it loves fiercely and freely, but one of the worst things about the heart is that this fierceness and freedom can sometimes pop up when you already happen to be taken! It’s not an uncommon thing at all to find that you have a crush on someone when you are already in a relationship, but when it happens to you it can be a really confusing and stressful time. What should you do? Who should you choose? Here are some ways to deal when you are in a relationship but crushing on someone else!
1. Don’t Nurture It
Out of respect for both yourself and your partner, don’t do anything to nurture the connection that you have with your crush. These kinds of feelings pass, it might just be that they came into your life at a particular time when you were feeling vulnerable, or annoyed, or bored, or any combination of different things. Thinking about them is one thing, actively seeking them out is another.
This might sound counterproductive, but try flirting with them to get the crush out of your system. If you just watch from afar, you create an ideal image of them in your head, but spend ten minutes with them and you might realise that they aren’t the person you thought they were at all. Boom, crush gone!
3. Don’t Fantasise
Do your best not to daydream about your crush in an over the top manner, because once again you are just building an untrue and unrealistic vision of them that is always going to come up trumps against your partner who you know everything about, flaws included. Fantasies are names so because they don’t portray any kind of reality!
There is nothing wrong with giving it the full cold turkey treatment and just putting as much distance between your self and your crush as possible. Out of sight, out of mind, right? If you only ever see them at one particular spot on your way to work, then take a different route. If they go to the gym at the same time as you, then push your schedule back an hour.
5. No Angst
You are a mature adult, try not to get too angsty about having a crush that you shouldn’t be having. We can’t stop our physical responses to visual stimuli, so just accept that your body has seen something that it likes, but just remember that your heart has maybe already made a better choice in the partner that you have.
It feels more serious if it’s a secret. Tell your crush that you are totally digging them right now, and if they are a decent person they will help you to laugh it off rather than indulge it. Same goes with your partner, there is nothing wrong with joking with them about the hot new guy at work. I am sure they would rather be in on than find out from someone else that you are crushing on someone they don’t know.
7. Treat It as a Warning Sign
When you’re crushing on someone else and the feelings won’t go away, your heart may be telling you that your existing relationship has run its course. Take this time to truly evaluate your current partner and relationship and if it means your heart is no longer in it, you have to move on. It’s not fair to your partner to have divided attention.