All Women's Talk

13 Ways to Deal with an Old Flame ...

By Kiley

If you have ever had that awkward encounter with an ex, I'm here to give you 13 ways to deal with an old flame. The following will help guide you on what to do when he calls, stalks, or runs into you when you're out. If you are that crazy ex girlfriend you will see why your ex might say what he says to you. Either way, these ways to deal with an old flame will give you that confidence boost that it's okay to not always be the nice girl when it comes to dealing with an ex fling.

Table of contents:

  1. Shut down
  2. Keep the men in your life a scarce topic
  3. Ignore him
  4. Don't make plans
  5. Delete from social media
  6. Set him up with someone
  7. You're "taken"
  8. Never get back together
  9. Be happy
  10. Don't bash him online
  11. Don't bring up the past
  12. Don't give back the gifts he gave you
  13. Don't get drunk around him

1 Shut down

The most important thing when dealing with an old flame is making sure he knows there is nothing there between you two anymore. Don't be afraid to be blunt and honest about it either, because any type of niceness or beating around the bush can be mistaken as a sign you are still into him. Things will already be awkward, don't make it worse by giving him the upper hand in thinking you still are heartbroken over him. Go ahead and say to him, "I just want to be clear there is nothing between us anymore." It will work every time, and it feels good to bruise his ego a little bit.

2 Keep the Men in Your Life a Scarce Topic

Any time you bring up other men in your life to an ex, he will automatically assume you are just trying to make him jealous. Not even just an ex, if you bring that topic up to any guy, that is his first thought. If you are dating someone new, I realize you want to scream it to your old boo, but just keep it quiet. If he asks, brush it off nicely as if it isn't a big deal. You don't want to hurt his feelings either by bragging about the hot new man in your life. Either way a guy will always take it as a boost to his ego when other men are brought up, because if you have to talk about them you are just trying to overcompensate. Trust me when I say keep the men in your life a scarce topic.

3 Ignore Him

Girls, if you are out with your friends and you run into an old flame, just ignore him unless he comes up to you. Even then, don't really give him the time of day. If you have already accomplished dating that boy, and you aren't friends, there is no need to be cordial and talk to him. Most guys will take you talking to them the wrong way, that is why I highly recommend just ignoring those exes. If you are out on a date with a new guy, stick to ignoring your old flame, and save yourself and every one else involved that extremely awkward moment. If none of the contact is in person and just through technology, don't try to be polite and answer his calls or texts. Completely ignore him, there is no reason to talk to him, and the "being friends" thing doesn't really work. If you are with a new boy it just isn't cool to talk to an ex anyways.

4 Don't Make Plans

Skip wanting to hang with the old ex. I know sometimes we feel hot and sexy and feel like showing it off, but instead go and try to find a new hottie. Let Facebook and Instagram show him what you look like and save yourself the hassle of having to give him the ego boost that you contacted him. A lot of times an ex will want to make plans with you just to get his last kicks in. Don't believe the things that come out of his mouth once you two are broken up. If he wants to see you to "talk," it really isn't what his goal is. You're better than that, girlies!

5 Delete from Social Media

If you know you are that girl who gets upset or jealous when she sees an ex's pictures or comments on Facebook, then go ahead and save yourself the hassle of having to look. Just delete him from social media. Sometimes it is the opposite. If you broke up with him and are out having fun or dating someone new, block him from your Facebook so he doesn't have to deal with the emotional turmoil social media is creating for him. Congrats to any girl who can look at an ex's social media and not let it bother her. But for those who can't, don't listen to Taylor Swift and cry over some comment a girl left on his page. You never knew what you are truly reading anyways, so just delete him from all social media.

6 Set Him up with Someone

If you are friends with an ex who can't get over you, try and set him up. I have boys I am friends with that I have dated and set them up with many girls. But these are guys I ended on great terms with, mutual, and would never shed a tear over. I have hung out with them in groups and double dates just to get them moving on and having fun!

7 You're "Taken"

If you happen to communicate with an ex and he is someone who is psycho and won't leave you alone, take the "I'm taken" road. I have a girlfriend who gets constantly nagged by an ex begging her to get back with him, and she just finally decided to tell him she's taken. She also took my advice and deleted him from any form of contact, but letting him know she was off the market helped him disappear. Not all men, but a lot of them, will respect the bro code that you don't step on someone else's toes once they have already swooped in.

8 Never Get Back Together

Speaking of Taylor Swift, stick true to her song, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." If you keep playing games with your ex he won't ever move on and neither will you. Don't go back for a good time, don't go back to him when you're feeling lonely, just don't do it! The relationship ended and now you both need to move on to someone new.

9 Be Happy

If you run into him, just act cool and put on your happy face. Whether he has moved on or not, you need to show him that you are happy where you are in life, even if you're not at the moment. To help him move on from the relationship, he needs to see that you're happy. You may not be right now, but you will be soon.

10 Don't Bash Him Online

Posting nasty comments online about your ex won't do you any good. It may feel good at the moment, but it won't help you move on from the relationship. Even if he was a liar and a cheater, bashing him on social media will only make the situation worse. If you need to let out some anger, call your best friend or write down your thoughts in a journal.

11 Don't Bring up the past

When you run into your ex, try to talk about the now but don't ever bring up the past. The two of you have been through some good times and some really messy times, but there is no need to bring that up when you see him for the first time after your break up.

12 Don't Give Back the Gifts He Gave You

It's one thing if some of his belongings are at your place that he would like back. However, it's another if you give him back the things he gave you as gifts. Sure, you don't want to stare at them any longer, but it's just not a nice thing to do if you give them back to him. If you really need to get rid of them, donate them to a Goodwill store and move on with your life.

13 Don't Get Drunk around Him

So you both just happen to be at the same party a few weeks after your break up. Well one thing to make sure you don't do is get drunk around him! You don't want to look too desperate and you also don't want to fall back into his arms if he tries to rescue you from your 10th red cup of whatever you're drinking!

Try one, two, or even all of these ways to deal with an old flame and see what happens. If you still have a crazy ex boyfriend it may be time to take some serious action. But usually these are my go to safety nets when I worry about seeing or talking to an old flame. How do you deal with an ex?

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