Whether you split up a week, a month or even a year ago, when someone badmouths your ex you find that you want to defend him. This seems to be counterintuitive. After all, you’re no longer a couple. Why should you care what someone else’s opinion of him is? But you do and this is why.
This is just a fact. You may hate his guts, but somewhere deep inside you still have feelings for him, which is why it can be hard to hear other people badmouth him. There are also men that badmouth your exes in order to get into your panties, and that is always annoying. In addition, if other women badmouth your man, it speaks to your taste in men and your choice of partners. By badmouthing your exes, you feel like they are badmouthing your decisions, and that is bothersome sometimes.
Love is a weird thing. It is like damage to a car. Sometimes it is a little dent that you can polish out, and sometimes it is a broken axel that stops you in your tracks. You may like or dislike him at this moment, but a small part of you is going to love him forever, and it may make it more difficult for you to hear other people badmouth him.
All loss, be it big or small, takes time to heal. You need time to adjust, and even though hating him may make it easier to get over him, it will not heal your wound. Having your friends talk down about him may make you feel better temporarily, but your instinct is to jump to his defense. In your mind, you start defending him, and suddenly you discover you feel worse.
This applies to women that pick great guys. The world is full of daytime TV shows about picking the wrong guy and how horrible men are, but some women are very selective and only pick great men. As a consequence, they often feel a lot of affection for their exs. They know they were not right for them, but still feel that they are great guys and are partly sad that they no longer have them in their lives. If a woman feels like this, then it is no surprise that she feels sad or bothered when her friends badmouth him.
It is hard to hear other people talk down about your ex if you are the one that messed it up. Technically, in your mind, he is the victim. It feels wrong and almost immoral to badmouth him when he didn’t do that much wrong. Maybe he wasn’t blameless, but you feel he doesn’t deserve the verbal onslaught that other people are giving him.
What if they thought those things before you two broke up? How long have they been saying this stuff? Are they saying it because they think it will make you feel better, or have they been saying it all along?
You do not want your friends and family to hate him too much because in the back of your mind you think you may get back with him. Maybe things were rocky and one of you baled out too soon, or maybe you miss him more than you thought and are hoping you can both work it out. Hearing other people talk down about him may make it harder for you to get back with him in the long run.
It's no lie that having negative thoughts have a bad effect on our mental and physical health. When we spend a lot of our time listening and engaging in drama or trash talk, we're ultimately creating a negative atmosphere for ourselves, making us feel annoyed - is it really worth it?
After a break-up, it's natural for you and your friends to want to have your say and to bad mouth your ex, which ultimately justifies why things ended. But at the end of the day, it really and truly does not matter. And while your friend or family member may want to hear all of the details in order to help you believe that it wasn't your fault, in a week's time - it's all irrelevant old news to them. So why get yourself worked up over all of their need to gossip?
However the saying goes, there is no point in dwelling in the past. Yes, it is the past that makes you who you are today but if you are constantly listening to your friends trash talk your ex, you're focusing on the little things that are of no importance now, you're distracting yourself from becoming the best person you can be - and THAT is 100% a no-go.
The human mind is difficult to fathom when it comes to love. Your head doesn’t always agree with your heart. Hence the confusion reactions when people badmouth your ex.
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