Let’s be real here. Unless you are the perfect, Christmas card couple, there are always going to be arguments in your relationship! But do you know how to argue properly to avoid damaging your relationship?
Once you get past your teen years, you start to realise that just because you get into an argument, it doesn’t have to spell the end of an important partnership. In fact, the way that a couple works through an argument and comes out better on the other side is a true testament to the strength of their relationship. Arguments are inevitable and can be healthy, but that all depends on whether you know how to do it properly. Here's how to argue properly to avoid damaging your relationship.
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1. Control Your Response
Don’t let all of the first thoughts you have fly out of your mouth without considering them first. The key to a successful and mature argument is in letting your feelings be known, but only after arranging them in such a way that is going to make the most desired and adult impact on your partner. This doesn’t mean watering down your emotions. It simply means arranging your thoughts in a way that isn’t going to lead to someone running off and slamming the door behind them. You want progress, not pain. That's one of the best answers for how to argue properly to avoid damaging your relationship.
2. I, Not You
When fighting your corner in an argument, always try to talk about how you feel about the situation, not how your partner is making you feel. For example, rather than “you always come home late”, opt for “I feel alone at home during the evenings”. The ‘I’ statement sounds much less accusatory, even though it is saying exactly the same thing.
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3. Don’t Run Away
The worst thing that you can do in an argument is to leave the room before it has had the chance to come to a natural end because you are only helping to extend the feelings of hurt and anger that the confrontation has brought up between you. The old saying "never go to bed on an argument" is one of the best, and removing yourself from a situation before you have had the chance to reach a conclusion is only going to give your partner another weapon to work with when you come back together.
4. Accept Differences
The beauty of the human race is that we are all completely individual and different, and that means that we are going to have different views, values, and everything in between. There is no harm in having a lively discussion or mature argument about these kinds of differences with your partner, but the main thing is that you need to accept these differences in the end and not expect someone to change their views simply because you have opposing ones.
5. Be Careful with Confidants
Make sure to pick your argument confidants wisely. We all like to vent to our friends or family about arguments that we have, but this only works if your chosen listeners are people who aren’t going to try to stir the pot even more, or worse, share intimate details of your relationship around to anyone who loves to hear gossip.
