Insecurity can cause a lot of issues in a relationship and seems to have already led you here to seek out ways for how to deal with an insecure boyfriend. An insecure guy can tend to be overly jealous, make ridiculous accusations, constantly bombard you with calls and texts, or become moody at a moment's notice. If you feel like your guy is worth the extra effort to help him get past his insecurities in the relationship, then here are tips on how to deal with an insecure boyfriend to help you out!
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1. Examine Your Behavior
The first thing you should do on how to deal with an insecure boyfriend is look at yourself. See if there are any ways that you may be contributing to his insecurities. Do you flirt with others? Do you do things to make him jealous? Do you ignore him? Make sure you're not giving him reasons to distrust you which may be adding to his insecurities. If you are 100% sure that you are not contributing to how he's acting at all, then stand your ground. Make sure you're not giving up your friends or your life to make your guy feel more secure when you've given him no reason to distrust you.
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It is important to be aware of your own behavior when trying to cope with an insecure boyfriend. Are you making your boyfriend feel jealous or insecure? Do you flirt with other people or ignore him? If you are sure that you are not contributing to his insecurities, then it is important to stand your ground and not give up your life and friends just to make him feel more secure.
It is also important to be aware of the underlying causes of your boyfriend’s insecurity. Insecurities can be caused by a lack of self-esteem, a fear of abandonment, or a traumatic past experience. Understanding where your boyfriend’s insecurities come from can help you better understand how to cope with them.
It is important to be supportive of your boyfriend and not criticize him for his insecurities. Instead, try to be understanding and patient with him. Let him know that you are there for him and that you understand how he is feeling.
Finally, it is important to set boundaries. Make sure that your boyfriend is not taking advantage of your understanding and patience. If his insecurities are becoming too much, then it is important to talk to him and let him know that his behavior is not acceptable.
2. Give Him Subtle Reassurance
Just like we girls like being told we're beautiful, guys like being told they look good too, whether they admit it or not. Don't patronize him and make it obvious that you're trying to boost his self-confidence, but if you notice he looks good, tell him! Comment on his new shirt or that he smells amazing today. Also, try not to comment on other guys' appearances when you're around him as he may start comparing himself to them. Save your Bradley Cooper comments for your girlfriends, at least until your guy seems less insecure.
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It’s normal to feel concerned when your boyfriend is dealing with insecurity. It can be difficult to watch him struggle with feeling inadequate and not know how to help. If you want to support your partner, there are a few things you can do.
First, be patient and understanding. Insecurity can be rooted in past experiences and can be difficult to overcome. Don’t be too hard on him if he’s struggling. Instead, be there to listen and offer comfort.
Second, give him subtle reassurance. Let him know that you think he looks great or that he smells amazing. Compliments can go a long way in boosting his self-confidence. Try to avoid making comments about other guys’ appearances when you’re around him, as it may make him feel worse.
Third, be honest and direct with him. Let him know that you’re there for him and that you want to help him work through his insecurities. Encourage him to open up and talk about what’s going on.
Finally, be supportive. Offer to spend time with him doing things he enjoys. Show him that you care and that you’re not going anywhere.
Frequently asked questions
You can tell him how much he means to you and remind him of all the things you love about him. It's important to be really specific and genuine.
There could be many reasons. Maybe he's had bad experiences in the past, or he's struggling with low self-esteem. Sometimes, it could be about things he's going through personally, like stress or even body image issues.
Listen to him, give him lots of positive affirmations, and make sure he knows you're there for him. Sometimes a hug or just being present can make a big difference.
It's tough when someone you care about is constantly insecure. Have an honest conversation about how you're feeling. Let him know you care, but also set boundaries if his behavior is affecting your mental health.
Show him affection and appreciation regularly. Surprise him with little gestures of love, and always communicate openly about your feelings for him.
3. Remind Him to Communicate
Remind your guy that he can always communicate with you if he has jealous thoughts or feelings to help put his mind at ease. It can be annoying when your guy becomes jealous often, but try to remain calm. You may be surprised to find that your guy is upset over something you did that you didn't realize was upsetting him and letting him know you'll stop may fix the issue right away. If however he continues to accuse you of things, let him know that the relationship is never going to work unless you listen and trust each other.
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The feelings of insecurity in a relationship can be difficult to cope with, especially when it is coming from your partner. If your boyfriend is feeling jealous or insecure, there are some tips you can use to help him cope.
First, it is important to understand why your boyfriend may be feeling jealous or insecure. Is he feeling threatened by another person? Is he worried that you are not interested in him anymore? Once you understand why he is feeling this way, you can start to work on helping him cope.
Second, it is important to remind your boyfriend that communication is key in any relationship. Let him know that you are always available to talk to him and that you are willing to listen. Encourage him to express his feelings and thoughts. This will help him to feel heard and understood.
Third, make sure to show your boyfriend that you care. This could be through physical affection, compliments, or simply spending quality time together. Showing your boyfriend that you appreciate him and that you are invested in the relationship can help him to feel more secure.
4. Talk about His past
His insecurities may stem from bad relationships in the past and he's taking it out on you. Although it may be tough for you to hear, ask about his past relationships and what went wrong. If someone cheated on him in the past, it may be affecting his new relationship with you now. Reassure him that you are nothing like his exes and you'd never do that to him. If anything, share a tale of ex-boyfriend woe with him where the same thing happened to you. Realizing you've both been hurt by someone in the past can bring you closer together and let each other know that because it happened to you, you'd never do that to someone else.
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It can be difficult to handle an insecure boyfriend, especially when his insecurities stem from past relationships. It's important to talk to him about his past experiences and why they may be affecting his current relationship with you. Ask him to open up and explain what went wrong in his past relationships. It could be that someone cheated on him in the past, and that is now causing him to be insecure and take it out on you. Reassure him that you are nothing like his exes and that you would never do that to him.
It's also a good idea to share a story of your own ex-boyfriend woes, so he can relate and understand that you've been hurt in the past too. Knowing that you have both been hurt by someone else in the past can help bring you closer together and make him feel more secure in your relationship.
5. Don't Become like Him
Some women tend to fall into the same patterns and behaviors as their guys. Don't become insecure and jealous just because your guy is. Sometimes, we may think that a guy questioning our love for them or faithfulness will make us think that they are the ones who are unfaithful or falling out of love. That's not always the case. Questioning yourself because of your guy's insecurities is never a healthy space to be in and needs to be dealt with. But starting to each point fingers at one another is sure to lead to more fights, and eventually a break-up, so don't fight fire with fire!
6. TAKE Him out with Your Friends
A big reason your guy may feel insecure is if you keep telling him your with this person or that person and he has never met them before. This is especially true if you have a lot of guy friends. So next time you meet up with your friends, make sure you take him along. Getting to know your friends may help him see that there's nothing to be worried about when you go out without him. You shouldn't have to give up your friends because your boyfriend is insecure, so if after meeting them he still doesn't like that you hang out with them, you may need to decide if he's really worth giving up your social life for. Usually, he's not.
7. Watch How You Dress
Before following this tip, ask yourself if it's really worth it to change your style to make your guy happy. If it is, then take a second to think about how you dress. Do you wear a lot of low cut tops, short dresses, and super high pumps? If so, it's probably causing a lot of guys to pay attention to you even if you're with your boyfriend. This may be causing him to be even more insecure. Try to tone down your outfits as you shouldn't need other guys to pay attention to you now that you have a boyfriend you care about. Still look gorgeous, but try to be a bit more conservative if you can. I'm sure your guy will appreciate not feeling like he's going to get into a fight every time you both go out in public.
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Insecurity in a relationship can lead to tension and strain, making it important to find ways to cope. One tip is to be mindful of your appearance and how it may affect your boyfriend's insecurities. If you tend to dress provocatively, it may attract unwanted attention from other guys and make your boyfriend feel more insecure. By toning down your outfits and being more conservative, you can help alleviate his worries and make him feel more secure in your relationship. This small change can go a long way in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
8. Share Your Insecurities
Everyone is insecure about something! If you're insecure, make sure that your boyfriend knows. When your boyfriend knows that you're insecure too, he'll probably be more open to tell you what is bothering him. Personally, I'm very open with my boyfriend about what I'm insecure about and what bothers me. This has been really helpful because it has not only brought us closer, but it has also made him more comfortable to tell me about his insecurities.
9. Make Sure His Insecurities Are Real
A lot of people, not just men, can use insecurities as a manipulation tool. You should be able to tell by the way he speaks to you if he is being sincere. Most of the time the insecurities will be sincere, but it is possible you could be being manipulated. If you feel that he is using his "insecurities" to make you feel bad or make you feel like you're doing something wrong then they're likely not real.
10. Show Him He Has Nothing to Worry about
If your boyfriend is insecure, he may feel like he's going to lose you to someone else. Show him that he has nothing to worry about! Go out with him and when someone hits on you or tries to talk to you, ignore it! What I do, is I tell my boyfriend if someone has tried to hit on me when he's not around. He knows that he can trust me because I'm not hiding anything from him. Make jokes about the people who try to hit on and talk to you on the streets; this will show him that you don't take it seriously and so neither will he.
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When your boyfriend is insecure, it can be difficult to know how to help him. Showing him that he has nothing to worry about is a great way to start. Make sure to go out with him and ignore any advances from other people. Let him know if someone has tried to hit on you when he’s not around, so he knows he can trust you. Making jokes about people hitting on you can help him feel less insecure.
It’s important to make sure your boyfriend knows that you are there for him and that you care. Make sure to show him that you are interested in him and that you are committed to the relationship. Compliment him and show him that you trust him. Spend quality time with him and show him that you are devoted to him.
It’s also important to be understanding when your boyfriend is feeling insecure. Try to talk to him about what’s bothering him and listen to him. Let him know that it’s okay to feel the way he does and that it doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. Reassure him that you are there for him and that you will always be there for him.
11. Be Patient
Your boyfriend isn't going to just believe everything you say when you try to boost his confidence. He's probably going to disagree with you sometimes or just ignore you altogether. It might be very frustrating, but these things don't change overnight. There are likely reasons that he feels this way so he just needs to learn that you're there for him and not going to hurt him. Be patient with him and one day he'll come around.
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Remember that change is a gradual process that requires constant nurturing and compassion. When he disputes your compliments or brushes off your encouragement, it's simply because his self-doubt may run deep. Every reassurance you offer plants a seed of confidence, even if it doesn't seem to take root immediately. Over time, with consistent support and understanding, those seeds will start to grow, and his self-assurance will begin to blossom. Holding space for him to progress at his own pace is the ultimate act of love and understanding.
12. Help Him Fix It
Is he insecure about his weight? Agree to join a gym with him or take a spin class together. Is he insecure about the amount of money he makes? Help him look for a new job. Do whatever you can to help those insecurities disappear.
13. Go to Therapy
Therapy can be extremely helpful, depending on the situation. If you think your man would benefit from it, then try to casually bring it up in a conversation. You could even join couple's therapy. That way, he won't feel like he's the only one with a problem.
14. Watch Your Words
No matter how gorgeous Dave Franco looks in the movie you two are watching, don't comment on it. Yes, his smile is to die for, but your boyfriend won't be happy to hear you fawning over another guy. Be careful with what you say, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to you.
15. Be a True Friend
If he's insecure, he's probably worried about you breaking up with him and leaving his life. That's why you should make sure that you're not only his girlfriend, but also his best friend. That way, even if you two split up, he'll know that you'll still be there for him.
16. Let Him Rant
If your boyfriend always rants about how stupid he is, you shouldn't always correct him. Sure, it's usually for the best to tell him how intelligent he is, but sometimes he won't want to hear it. On those days, you'll just have to let him rant.
17. Don't Poke Fun
This should be obvious, but if your boyfriend is insecure about his weight, don't make jokes about it. Even if it seems like he's in a good mood at the moment, the jokes will hurt him. It's best to avoid the topics you know will set him off.
18. Try Not to Judge
If he ends up crying in front of you, don't act like you're weirded out. If you really want to be with him, then you need to be there through thick and thin. That means that you should encourage him to express his emotions, not urge him to bottle it all up inside.
19. The Gift of Gifts
If you can afford a few gifts, why not buy him something nice? If you're nearly broke, then you can just invite him out for ice cream whenever he's feeling low. It'll boost his mood, but it won't break your bank.
20. Send over Materials
If you've read an inspirational book or heard a motivational story on TV, pass it along to your mate. You never know what he'll identify with the most. You could end up showing him something that changes his life for the better.
21. Allow Friend Time
If your man is insecure, you need to let him have some time to himself. He might prefer to sit at home alone and read, or he might prefer to go out with his buddies. Don't get jealous of his friend time. It's healthy for him.
22. Text Him Promptly
If your boyfriend is worried about losing you, you should make sure to text him back as quickly as you can. If you wait too long, his head will fill with ridiculous scenarios. He'll worry about you cheating or getting hurt, so do him a favor and respond promptly.
23. Be Secure with Yourself
Make a pact with him to stop tearing yourselves down. If he sees you making fun of yourself, then he's going to think it's okay to do the same. It's healthier for the both of you to think only positive thoughts from now on, so no more negativity!
If your boyfriend starts verbally abusing you, please get out of the relationship. Blaming his insecurity is not going to make you feel any better in a relationship like that. I've been in a relationship like this (so have some of my friends) and it was really emotionally draining. Sometimes your guy's insecurities can be talked through and worked out simply by communicating correctly. But if you've tried all of these suggestions and you feel like his insecurities are causing you to be in an unhealthy relationship, it may be time to move on. Have you (or are you) dealt with an insecure boyfriend? Did it work out in the end?
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
Comments
hwannie: my ex was horrible and abusive. both physical, verbal, and emotionally...thank god we broke up. :/
Cynthia: My boyfriend is insecure about my past. He thinks I still a not able to let go because of pictures of my past he saw that I forgot I had honestly. He also thought that every guy I had in my fb and twitter scoping either were something of mine in the past of that I was talking to them. He thinks that when ever I'm not with him I'm talking to other guys or go out and thinks I'm always lying. I love him very much and I don't want to let him go but when he gets on those unexpected mood swings he can get verbally offensive not insulting me but accusing me of things that are not true. I just don't know how long I can take it :'(
mary: im going through something like this..my babys father is very insecure.i dont have friends,he limits my time spending with his sister n family,he always says that nobody is going to love me or my two kids like he does.evert person that is a guy request me as a friend on face book or instantgram , he ask me why I have that person as a friend if I like him ..if.i put makeup on he says why I have to put on so much,im very curvy.so whatever I put on he says im over doing it.then he says that I dont respect myself,that I want attention from guy's,when we go out he acuse me of flirting with guys...im so tired..so today I cought him talkn to his friend on the phone telling him how was his night out at the club.that he met a white girl n he askef for her number..ect..i confronted him n he acuse me of hearing wrong .that he never said that..hes tottaly prejecting himself of my feelings.so he kerps trying to talk to me n I ignore him so hes pissed of.texing me how hurt he is when in reality im the one hurt..but im done...im moving out:(
Jane: Right now I've been in a relationship for 6 months and my boyfriend cannot stop asking me about my past. He can't stop thinking about how other guys have been "in" me or have "had" me and he feels that it isn't as special now with him. He is amazing, I don't know what he is insecure about. But it is really taking a toll on our relationship. He is possessive too. What should I do?
Jasmine: Hi Lauren! I really appreciate all your opinions as it is very useful. Thanks for sharing your experiences. You are my best friend in this site. :)
Samantha: My boyfriend is the exact opposite. I wish he's as clingy as others have described.
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