Sometimes, you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster. After being in a relationship with someone who cares more about his needs than your own, you're mentally and physically drained 😢. Throughout your entire relationship, your boyfriend devoted more time 📅 to himself than to making you feel like you're wanted. Deep down, you knew he was a narcissist when you met him but you just couldn't escape him; there was something about him that drew you in. Now that you're finally at a place where breaking things off 💔 is better for your own health, you still find yourself hesitating. If this sounds like your situation, here's how you can stay firm in your decision to leave your narcissistic boyfriend for good.
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1. Stop 🙅 Making Excuses for His Behavior
When you're all alone and the lights are off, you slip back into rationalizing the way he treated you. In spite of your volatile history, you go back and forth ↔️ between thinking 💭 the following: He didn't really mean some of the hurtful things he said as he walked out or maybe he just has a different way of showing how much he cares.
2. Whatever You do, do *not* Text Him 📵!
When you've been away from someone for awhile and miss them terribly, it's easy to forget (or at least pretend to) the things they did or the way they made you feel. This is going to be one of the hardest things you'll have to do but don't contact him at all. Give yourself time 🕠 to grieve over your relationship so you can finally move on.
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3. Don't Spend Your Time 🕣 Obsessing over What Happened
This is easier said than done, we know. After getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship, you deserve the mental break. Stop ✋ obsessing over everything that went wrong and just focus on the present.
4. Keep Your Anxiety 😟 at Bay by Staying Active
Take up a new hobby, join the gym 💪 down the street. Staying active 🚴 will keep your mind off of things for awhile until you're in a place where you can think about it rationally.
5. More Importantly, Stop ✋ Blaming Yourself!
It's in our nature to try and pinpoint 📍 what went wrong and the part we may have played in things. He berated you for almost the entire duration of your relationship, which led to a lot of internalized guilt and shame. But that's on him, NOT you.
6. Forgive Yourself for Not Seeing Who He Really Was 🤗
How could you not seen it coming? Why did it take so long for you to realize that he wasn't in it for the long haul? Shaking off these thoughts is hard but it's important that you give yourself a break. It's not easy loving a narcissist, and the fact that you put your all into your relationship 💏 shows how big your heart 💟 is.
7. Let Someone else Carry the Weight on Their Shoulders for a Change ❤️
Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Talking 💬 to someone who isn't involved in the situation - whether it's a therapist, a weekly group or even your best friend - will help you on your journey to loving 💛 yourself again.
8. Remember This: Sex is Not a Substitute for a Relationship 😞
Despite everything, you still miss being intimate with him. You can't help it. Even though he was distant from you in so many ways, that was the only chance you had to connect with him. But the brutal truth is that he used it as a weapon 🔫 against you, as a way to control you. That's why it's important to take the time to get to know your own wants and needs away from him.
9. Stop ✋ Looking Back at the past. Start Focusing on the Present 💕
Give yourself some credit for getting out of a horrible situation. Some days, it may not feel like you can keep your head above water, but the point is that you're trying. Little by little, you're working towards a better future 🔮. That's something you should always be proud of 👊.
Comments
Yolanda: Really good information wish I could have read this 18 years ago.
Tirzah: Thank you
Corris: Although my relationship lasted only 6 months, we were best friends for almost 5 years. it was the most brutal relationship I'd ever been in. I sent him back to England and (thank god and country) his 3 month visa ran out - so he had to leave. 🙌🏽🇺🇸
Lala: Thanks so much I really needed this
Tirzah: Perfect words
Tirzah: I went through the most traumatizing shit and to read this, makes me feel really good
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