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If you've been together for a while, you may wonder how to stay close to your partner.
Life gets in the way, they say. And sadly, when that happens, many couples disengage from each other, and consequently fall out of love.
Staying in love means staying connected to your partner, and that involves being constantly engaged with them. Here are 7 ways to stay engaged and connected and to feel closer to your partner.
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It’s become a truism that we stroke our phones more than we stroke our partners. It’s the last thing we touch at night and the first thing we pick up in the morning. Often, couples may be lying side by side, but each is in his or her separate world of connecting with other people electronically. The same goes for dinner. How often do you see a couple paying good money for a lovely meal at a good restaurant who are sitting swiping their phones? Conversation is all but gone in these situations, and if you are not talking to each other, you are not engaged. So come on, put those phones away and talk to one another!
Engaging in uninterrupted, quality conversation strengthens the bond between partners. By setting aside your digital devices during meal times and before sleep, you prioritize the person right in front of you. It’s an opportunity to share thoughts, laugh together, and truly listen to what your partner has to say, reinforcing your emotional connection. Remember, your emails and social media updates can wait – dedicating this time to each other can rekindle intimacy and remind you both why you fell in love in the first place. Let the only notifications you pay attention to be the expressions on each other's faces.
This is quite a difficult one, because people have very different interests. If you can possibly find a hobby that you can share, make an effort to do it. This can even include walking the dog together every evening. If there is really nothing you like to do in common, support each other’s hobbies. For example, if he loves to go clay pigeon shooting, go along for the day. It’s a nice outing and you get a chance to chat on the way. It’s a few hours of your time, sure, but it will mean so much to him. And if you support him with his hobby, he’ll surely come to the party with yours.
Finding a shared hobby can work wonders to strengthen your bond. It could be as simple as starting a garden together, where you nurture plants and watch them grow, mirroring the growth in your relationship. Or perhaps you might take up a new sport like tennis, where you can play doubles against other couples. Alternatively, consider a creative pursuit such as pottery or painting, which can be incredibly therapeutic and enjoyable. Embracing the spirit of teamwork and learning from each other can make the experience enriching. Even if it's just a weekly board game night, that dedicated time can become a cherished ritual.
Kissing is probably not so important to you both these days, with you locking lips much less often than at the beginning of your relationship and the same goes for how often you have sex. I am not suggesting that you keep up the level of frequency you had in the beginning; that is a pretty tough ask for most couples. But I do suggest that when one of you is in the mood, the other should always (barring being sick) just say yes. As soon as you start touching and cuddling, you usually get in the mood. If you wait till you are both in the mood, there may be long dry periods in-between. These cause distance and maybe even the fear of rejection. It costs so little to be amenable to sex: just do it!
Embracing a positive attitude towards physical intimacy can significantly reinforce your bond. Often, the mere act of starting can reignite your passion. Consider it not as a chore, but as an opportunity to reconnect on a deeper level. Remember, it's not just about the act itself; it's about the closeness and trust it builds. If you're feeling reluctant or tired, communicate your needs openly—perhaps you start with a massage or a warm bath together. Intimacy isn't always planned; sometimes, the spontaneous encounters end up being the most memorable. So, be generous with your affection—it is, after all, a beautiful expression of love.
Feeling the touch of the other and being touched are crucial connectors in a relationship. There is nothing nicer than when he puts his arm around your waist or you stroke his back. Making time to cuddle and snuggle encourages a gentle form of intimacy and safety.
Cuddling isn't reserved for the moments before sleep or just upon waking; integrating brief snuggles throughout the day can deepen your connection. Whether it's a lingering hug before leaving for the day or spooning together as you watch TV on a lazy Sunday afternoon, these moments foster warmth and affection. The act of snuggling releases oxytocin, sometimes called the love hormone, which enhances a sense of bonding and trust. So, take advantage of these opportunities to physically reaffirm your love and dedication to each other.
Imagine you come home and on the kitchen table is a note from your loved one thanking you for being you, complimenting you, or just saying how much they love you. It lifts your heart and gives you a warm flush all over. Humans are the only animals that have words. Use them to engage with your partner. Let them know that you are thinking of them.
Writing notes can become a cherished ritual. Jot down your thoughts on sticky notes, or craft heartfelt letters for special occasions. Beyond words, you could doodle little hearts, sketch something funny, or even leave a lipstick kiss on the paper. It's about using your unique language to say, "I'm here, I care, I value you." This practice not only brightens your partner's day but also serves as a tangible reminder of your love, something they can hold onto and reread whenever they need a boost or when you’re apart.
If he struggles to get up in the morning while you bounce out of bed as you wake up, be kind to him and take him a cup of coffee in bed. He will appreciate this and make a reciprocal effort with you. Perhaps you hate washing up. Because you were considerate with him, he will consider it a pleasure, rather than a chore, to do the washing up for you as a similar gesture to bringing him coffee in bed.
Such acts of kindness go beyond the daily grind. When you notice he's had a difficult day, offer to give him a relaxing massage or draw him a warm bath. These gestures show that you're attuned to his needs and willing to provide comfort. In return, he might surprise you with your favorite meal or plan a movie night with films you love. It's these small but meaningful exchanges of love and kindness that create a deep and lasting connection between partners.
Make it possible to tell each other how you’re really feeling about life, work, relationships, friendships or whatever without being judged. Being able to share our innermost secrets in a safe, non-judgmental environment brings us closer to the other. Make a time each day – perhaps when you wake up – when each of you shares a feeling. Make a rule that neither of you is allowed to comment on what you hear. Your job is just to allow the other to speak openly and honestly and to listen and acknowledge their feeling. If you both can do this, you will build a great deal of trust and intimacy in your relationship.
We all know that the honeymoon will end some time, but few of us realise how much work is involved in staying engaged. Use these tips above – or the ones that appeal to you – to stay in love with your partner.
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