All relationships go through periods that include ups and downs, happy times, and bad times, but these are just some of the healthy aspects of any relationship. When you are experiencing more bad times than good and are feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and miserable most of the time you may need to have a good hard look at what is going on and it may be time to move on. Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship and if you spot them, you need to pack your bags and get out for good.
1. You Have to Keep Everything Your Partner Does and Says a Secret
Personally, I think that this is the ultimate worst sign when looking at signs of unhealthy relationships. If you have to keep everything your partner says or does a secret from your family and friends and are lying for him or her on a regular, perpetual and eventually daily basis, you are most definitely in a very unhealthy and potentially dangerous situation.
You have to ask yourself why you are lying to protect that person and if you can’t trust your family and friends – the people closest to you – with any details about your relationship then you are not only with the wrong person, you are being the wrong type of person.
2. Your Partner Puts You down Constantly
Your partner is supposed to be a place of sanctuary for you, a place where you can be yourself without fear of reprieve, judgement or fear. But when they put you down constantly, demoralize you in front of your family and friends as well as colleagues and continues behind closed doors – you are without question, with the wrong person.
This may come as a shock to you – but relationships are not supposed to be like that – ever, or at all. If somebody really loved you unconditionally they would never, ever dream of hurting your feelings and would never in their wildest dreams put you down, criticize you or demoralize you ever. It is not a normal, healthy aspect of any relationship ever – this is not negotiable.
3. You Are Negative, Sad and Despondent about Your Relationship
Ever stop to think why you are consistently miserable, depressed and totally despondent about your relationship? If you are not feeling secure, comfortable and confident with your partner, it’s time to take the steps to change that. Are you making an effort, have you drifted apart, are you bored and unfulfilled?
These are not reasons to leave, but they are reasons that you both need to look at and desperately need to change before you can’t fix it anymore. It's normal to take your eye off the ball, but If you are attending close friends functions alone every night and crying yourself to sleep – you already know that drastic changes have to be made and not by one – but both of you immediately. Get help, go for therapy, read Fireproof your Marriage – but don’t give up just because it’s too hard because you are in a very unhealthy place.
4. Your Partner is Always Trying to Change You
Your partner should love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. If they are always trying to change you into being somebody else they would prefer – you are fighting a losing battle. Some of the fundamental rules of relationships must be adhered to in order for any relationship to flourish and if your partner is constantly trying to change how you dress, what you do and how you do things you are going down a one-way road that is only going to end in tears – yours.
If your partner doesn’t love you exactly the way you are, unconditionally – he or she is never going to. And if you are changing yourself to be the way your partner wants you to be, then shame on you. Nothing you change will ever be good enough for them and when you have changed one thing they will just move on and make you change the next thing until you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. It will never get better – just move on up and move on out.
5. Trust and Jealously
If your partner constantly phones you and harasses you wanting to know your every move throughout the day, arriving unexpectedly at work looking for you – this is not a sign of caring this is a sign of unbridled jealousy and deep-seated insecurity of their own. Their behaviour will get completely out of hand as they feel they are losing ‘’control’’ of you and their jealous behaviour will start to interfere with your everyday life, your family and friends and your job security.
If your partner doesn’t trust you there is nothing you can do to make them trust you –their jealous and controlling behaviour is actually all about them and their insecurities and actually has nothing to do with your actions. But just to be clear – if you have cheated on your partner and they now have trust issues, then that is an entirely separate issue altogether.
6. Actions Vs Words
It is very easy to say ‘’I love you’’ and ‘’I am sorry’’ but it is something completely different to show somebody else. If your partner says that they love you but hurt you in their actions all the time, they must not get upset when their actions speak louder than their words and that you finally just walk away from them
Love is a doing word – it is not a saying word. We don’t profess love in words if they are to mean anything, we show somebody we love them by spending time with them, doing things for them, caring for them and respecting them. We hold their feelings, thoughts, and dreams close and don’t hurt them as we are the sacred keeper of our partner’s emotions and hold the key to their soul. If your partner says they love you but are unable to perform any of these basic human functions –they don’t’ know what love is and they certainly don’t’ love you. But you knew that already, your intuition told you, you just chose to ignore it because it was hard.
Time to start loving yourself and get out of this relationship – because it is never going to change.