How many times do you hear or read that communication is important in a relationship? Well, it’s no wonder because it is. It’s super important. Talking helps you understand each other and it’s only through communication that you can understand the problems in your relationship so you can take remedial action. Some problems you can fix by changing the way you act, others you can fix by talking.
Guess what, ladies? He also looks at women when you are not around. This is not a generalization. Men are biologically programmed to look at other women because of the testosterone flowing through their body. But, here is the upside. Despite the fact he spends a few seconds every day looking at other women, it takes him just as long to forget about those women.
You may spend the rest of the day angry with your man because the woman he looked at has bigger boobs or better legs than you, but the fact is he cannot remember a thing about the women in question.
This is one of the relationship problems you can fix with talking because all you have to explain to him is that you find it a little hurtful and disrespectful when he does it in front of you. He will still do it, but he will rein it in a little more. If he leers, then you have another problem, but innocently looking at other women (looking, not touching) will become less prevalent.
You have just gone from making him the center of your world to making your baby the center of your world and men usually don’t react very well to it. Some men will act ridiculous and leave you, others will cheat, others will flirt, others will gamble, and so on. What some men do is childishly seek attention from you, and the best way to get it is to (ironically) act childishly.
Talk about it with him. Let him know that you wish you could spend more time together, and discuss activities you can do together with the baby. Also, when baby is asleep, remember there is a grown man waiting in the wings to soak up your attention.
Nine times out of ten, a woman wants to hug when a man is doing something. Men are solution orientated, and something such as a hug puts him off. Put him in situations where a hug is part of the process. Put on a movie and hug him on the sofa, have him hug you in the spoon position in bed or tell him you are a champion wrestler and show him your moves. If the worst comes to the worst, fake like you are choking, and when he goes behind you to give you the Heimlich maneuver, you quickly spin around and hug him.
This is a difficult topic because people that say there is a lack of communication are often terrible listeners. They can have full conversations with a man and not take on board a single thing he says. He may come up with very valid reasons why you are wrong or mistaken, but you ignore it. He then continues to act in a way that annoys you, and you say, “You don’t listen” and “Why don’t we communicate?”
The truth is that you need to spend time each week listening to each other. If you have trouble making that work, then write each other a long email and send it to each other. Give a big report on what you did during the week, and the events between you both that you feel were important. It is harder to ignore a man, and harder for him to ignore you, if it is written down in the form of a letter.
The truth is that he may think he is great in bed, or you may be giving off signals that he is doing the right thing when he is not. This is something you have to sit down and have a serious talk about. If you are not reaching your big O, then you cannot let him go on thinking that you enjoy sex. You have to sit down and talk about it and work out a plan of action, or you will have to live with a boring sex life.
There are many reasons a man may lie while in a relationship with you, and part of you has to understand that you share the blame for it:
- If you nag and berate him for doing the same things he has always done, then his best defense is to lie about it.
- If he does not care about you and is using you, then he will lie to you.
- If you do not demand respect from your man, and if you do not earn that respect, then he will lie to you.
- If he is an addict of any shape or form, then he is going to lie to you.
You have to identify the reasons behind his lies and address them. Do not demand the truth because that is not the way you get it. If anything, demand respect, but be sure you earn it first. Controlling a man and trying to make him something he is not will simply make him lie more.
Sorry ladies, but here is a home truth you will not like. All men masturbate, and all men do it at least twice per week. Some men, including those in relationships, will have to do it once per day (depending on his sex drive). Some men also need to do it after sex, even if it was fulfilling sex. These are just truths that you need to know. Men are not judging you or rejecting you when they look at porn. Many men masturbate to women they wouldn’t dream of dating or even touching in real life. The fix is to talk about porn with him. Do not quiz him or accuse him, or try to investigate why he is a “pervert.” Talk about it to understand his need and drive to masturbate. This will enable you to be more accepting and less judgmental. It will stop you feeling it is an action against you and help you realize it is not a worrisome symptom of your relationship.
Talking is easy if you put in the effort and work in the right direction. Happy couples tend to be great communicators. Are there any issues you don’t believe can be fixed through talking about it?