The Reasons You Should Never "Keep Score" if You Want Your Relationship to Last ...
By Alicia • 5 Comments
By Alicia • 5 Comments
It’s easy to fall into the temptation of keeping score in your relationship, but it’s not a healthy habit. It makes you feel discontent and unhappy. These are some specific ways that keeping the score in your relationship could bring it to a sad end.
When you keep score then you’ve got your thoughts centered on the negative in your relationship. You’re noticing things that are hurtful and need improvement. While you want to be honest with yourself about your relationship, you also want to balance your relationship in your heart. That means you work to notice the positive, too. Keeping a fair view of your relationship is what’s fair to you.
Another problem when you start keeping score in your relationship is that you start finding it difficult to keep up with who’s ahead. It’s hard to keep track. You may think you’re giving more one day and your partner’s giving more the next. It’s not a fun game for anyone. Do yourself a favor and appreciate the good things you both give to your relationship instead of trying to keep score.
Keeping score may end up with you thinking that one of you is better than the other in the relationship. This leads to you feeling either superior or inferior to your partner. Neither feeling is an accurate one. Instead, try to focus on the fact that you’re both just people. You both have good and bad traits. If you’re happy together, that’s what matters.
When you get in a mindset of keeping score then you’re truly cheating yourself. You’re so distracted by keeping up with who’s doing better than whom that you’re missing out. Most likely your relationship has a lot of good things going. That’s where your attention should be. Focus on enjoying all the wonderful things in your relationship instead of competing against your partner.
Comparing yourself to your partner can lead to comparing in other ways, too. You may find that you’re soon comparing your relationship to that of other couples. Soon, you'll find that your relationship isn’t fun anymore. It’s been said that comparison is the thief of joy and that’s an accurate statement. Accept that every relationship is different and enjoy all the beautiful things in yours.
Keeping score isn’t fun. That’s an activity that’s best reserved for games because that’s what it is: it’s a game. There’s going to be a winner and a loser. And even when you’re the winner, you’re losing out. While there are times when you need to evaluate your relationship to make a decision on if the relationship is best for you, that’s the only time it’s good to do any sort of comparing.
If you want your relationship to have the best chance at success then keeping score needs to be something you let go. It doesn’t make you feel closer to your partner, love each other more or offer any true benefits. Simply put, it robs you. In order to have the best chance of a happy, fulfilling relationship, choose to stop keeping score. It may be a bit difficult at first but you can break the habit and your relationship will be better for it.
These are some ways that keeping score can end your relationship and some tips on how to stop. Have you kept score in your relationship? You’re always welcome to share your thoughts and experiences.