Have you lost your love mojo and looking for ways to slay the dating game?
How often do you find yourself talking to your friends about all the crappy dates, stupid f**kboys, and ex-boyfriends that royally suck? Do you find yourself thinking, “how come I can’t get this dating thing to work?” or “why doesn’t the guy I’ve been talking to like me?”. Well, I am here to give you the best ways to slay the dating game. Whether you are looking to find your next boyfriend, an epic one night stand, or how to rock the first date, these ways to kill the dating game are all you need.
Ladies and Gentleman, lets talk online dating. There are more apps than there are people it feels like, but online dating does work. Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, The League, and more, all these applications are great ways to meet people. This doesn’t mean you will find your soulmate, but it is awesome for someone who is a nervous dater to start gaining confidence, find some fun one night stands, make some new friends or even networking connections, and on the slim chance, you might just find yourself a bae.
One of the best ways to slay the dating game is being hot and cold. From the beginning of time, playing hard to get was one sure fire way to score a man. Well, I’m here to tell you how to do it. Honestly, I look at being hard to get as a way to just spend your time focusing more on you than blowing up the phone of someone you like. You don’t need to always be available. If a guy texts you and asks you to hang out, have other plans. Make him work for it. Let him give you a second option for a date before saying yes.
When you are out together, one of the best hot and cold tactics is turning your flirt on and off. Being able to confuse a guy is a sure proof way to keep him around longer. Make flirtatious gestures like touching his shoulder when you laugh, caressing his thigh a few times when out to dinner, or complimenting him. Flip the switch and play a bit of an ice queen. Move your body away from him in conversation, if he asks you a question respond with a short answer defined as one to two words, or if he tries to start touching you pull away.
When talking during the “in between” time (time between dates), don’t feel the need to constantly reach out to the guy first. IF A GUY IS INTO YOU HE WILL MAKE THE EFFORT. I always recommend sending a guy a sweet text after the first date along with the lines of, “I had a great time with you. Thanks for a fun night!”, and then putting the ball in his court. Most guys are super insecure, and having that little gesture gives them the security that you are interested. Your part is complete. Now give the guy the opportunity to chase you. When it comes to responding, please don’t feel like you need to drop everything you doing and respond to a guy in .5 seconds. He will wait. Sitting back and letting the guy do the work in the beginning of a dating relationship will really show you who’s showing up for you. If this guy is really interested, you will know, and if he’s not, then at least you didn’t waste your energy on someone not worth your precious time.
First dates don’t always need to be mini golf, dinner, and drinks. There are such things as preliminary first dates. So many people stress about going on a first date because you feel like you’re automatically stuck for hours, and what if it sucks, etc. Head to your closest coffee shop and do a first “first date”. Honestly, the guy will appreciate it too because he’s probably as nervous as you are. You are saving money, getting a buzz that doesn’t affect your inhibitions, and are able to peace out if needed. That is how you slay the dating game.
Ever heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? Just because you have been having an awesome time dating someone or had a great first date, or the person has been blowing up your phone, doesn’t mean anything. Guys have been prone to say things to women to get what they want from the beginning of time. It’s hard to fault them because, in all honesty, it works great for them, and we condone it. One of the best ways to slay the dating game is to keep your expectations low. It also is a great way to protect yourself from the typical F**k Boy. Unless his actions are backing up his words, they are pretty much useless. When a guy is telling you how much he likes you and wants to spend time with you but is also making no effort to ask you on a date or see you, he’s definitely trying to just keep you around. Unless he’s showing up at your door with flowers, or texting you, “Are you free Friday? I’d love to take you out again” his words are just meaningless.
You may think you had a great first date and for sure know this guy is someone you’re going to be dating for a while, but then he never calls. Try changing your post date mind set to, “if I hear from him, great, and if not, then it wasn’t right for me.”. Remember, just because a guy ghosts on you, or is a total toolbag does not mean the problem was you! It usually has to do with his own crap (unless you’re the type of girl who sends a guy 50 texts, tells him you want to have his babies on the first date, stalks his social media, and calls him ten times, then girlfriend, it’s for sure you). Keeping your expectations low is a great way to keep yourself detached, and to weed out the d-bags you don’t need. That way when Prince Charming does ride in, you will clearly see it!
The easiest way to slay dating is to take a guy at his word. What I mean by this is, if he tells you he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. If he tells you he just wants to keep it casual and have fun, then he wants to see you when he sees you, hook up with you (and just about everyone else), and not date you. If he tells you he is interested in dating you then expect him to court you and date you, and don’t take anything less! I have so many friends calling me for advice saying, “he told me he really likes me and likes spending time with me, but doesn’t want anything serious, I don’t understand.” And my response is always, “of course he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, you’re awesome! But he wants to have his cake and eat it too. If you’re cool with that and can handle it, then enjoy, otherwise time to bow out!”. Most guys in their twenties and thirties are looking to “have fun”. So many girls get mad at a guy when they find out he hooked up with another girl, or is dating more than one person. News Flash: if the words “we are exclusive” are not said, then you are not exclusive. It’s disappointing to hear about a guy you like hanging out with someone else, but it’s also something you can’t get mad at him for. And vice versa. Feel free to go on multiple dates with people and have your fun!
So many people think, “but he likes me, so clearly I'm going to be that girl that changes him into a relationship type of guy”. Let me tell you, the odds are not in your favor. Find what emotionally works for you. But just remember, we over think and over analyze everything, as much as we don’t want too. Guys are black and white, and us girls are definitely 50 shades of gray. Take the guy at his word. It’ll save you a lot of wasted tears.
When I say, “Be Forward” I am not condoning telling a guy you love him on the third date. Being forward is a key to the dating game but in more than a few ways. First, let’s talk bedroom. You don’t need to wait for a guy to make his move, you can go for it. I mean, clearly read the body language signs first. If he is barely talking to you, has his body turned away from you in bed, and is acting like the Great Pillow Wall of China is between you, don’t be forward, at all.. just leave ASAP and go to your own bed far far away from this tool. But, if he is being flirty and trying to cuddle with you, then 100% grab his dick and go for it. Be Forward. Ever wake up in the middle of the night, wrapped up in your guy's arms and think, “Man, I just want to wake him up, hop on top of him, and ride him right now”? Do it! Literally, lean over, grab his dick, wake him up, and get on top of him. What guy is going to be mad about that? And if he is, he is not someone you want to be hanging out with.
Next, let’s talk “the talk”. You don’t need to overly tell a dude you’re dating you have feelings for him. If your actions aren’t enough, then lightly dropping the F Bomb (feelings bomb) once is good. I think to all the drunk girls in a bar I have witnessed repeatedly telling a guy, “but I like you soo much!” and watching the guys’ eyes roll so far back in his head, he puts the eye roll emoji to shame. It is just unnecessary and annoying to a guy to constantly tell him how much you like him. If you have to constantly word vomit it, it’s probably because he isn’t really reciprocating it. As I have previously said in this article, “actions speak louder than words.”. Do sweet gestures to show someone you like them, and keep it minimal. Leave a sweet note for him at his house that he will find when he wakes up, brings him a cute care package when he is sick, or send a random kiss emoji out of the blue and tell him you miss him. That is being forward, without being creepy. Just remember not to overkill it. A little goes a long way.
The seventh best way to slay the dating game is to make him wait for sex. I cannot say it any more bluntly than that. Every guy likes a chase. Be prepared though that after you sleep with a guy, he may become less interested or ghost on you. On the other hand, he may stick around. This definitely goes hand in hand with point number four of Keep Your Expectations Low.
Sexual tension is also super hot foreplay. Knowing that you are making him wait, and he wants you, is such a turn on for you both. Feel out the vibes between you, but I would definitely wait for at least five dates before hitting a home run. In the meantime, spend as much time teasing him and having epically hot make-out sessions. Sex is great of course, but having a guy spontaneously throw you against a wall just to kiss you, and spending hours rolling around in bed just making out is also super hot. If you want to really shock him, next time you’re in an elevator, pull the red stop button, jump on him, and just start making out with him. He’ll love the spontaneity, and will give him a small taste of what type of girl you are in (and out) of the bedroom. If you want more make out tips check out my post 13 kick-ass ways to have a fab make out session with your man
To quote Zac Efron, this is called, “The So” aka “So… What are we?”. One of the best tips for slaying the dating game does not have “The So” talk. The whole point of dating is to have fun, meet people, even find someone to date for a good amount of time. First off, if a guy is into you and making an effort to date you, and you are getting together 2-3 times a week, he probably considers himself dating you. If a guy wants to bring up exclusivity, then he will. Usually, the only reason someone wants to have the talk is that they either feel insecure and not sure what the situation is, or you’ve been spending a lot of time together and want to know if it’s going anywhere, otherwise what’s the point. The best advice I can give is if you have this crazy desire to have the talk, wait until this desire hits you at least 5 times. More than likely it will pass and you will wonder why you even wanted to bring it up in the first place.
Do not settle for mediocre Millennial behavior. If you are dating someone, have standards for yourself. Expect them to pick up the phone and call you. Just a text saying, “you’re cute” or “sup” is just laughable. Having someone do sweet gestures for you shouldn’t be such a crazy thought. Receiving flowers, being picked up at your door, or having your favorite La Croix flavor in their fridge for you the next time you come over ... these are attainable ladies. There is a way to make clear your expectations, without being demanding or needy. A guy will learn real fast what you will and won’t accept. If a guy asks you out and starts to make plans, make sure to ask what time he wants to pick you up. Try dropping a subtle hint in conversation that the last guy you dated brought you flowers, but he could never remember that your favorite flower was (insert favorite flower here). For example, there was a guy I dated that I made clear to him I broke up with someone because he never did anything sweet for me. The next day, he sent me flowers and a cute note. A guy is only going to put in the effort if he wants to, but at least be sure you don’t accept anything less than what you deserve. This is a sure fire way to see if he’s even worth your time. Relationship tip: Don’t forget to do some nice gestures for him too! Guys love it just as much as we do!
If you feel you keep finding shitty men to date, and keep finding yourself in a bar, please try going to other places. There is definitely something to picking up guys in places that fit your hobbies. Love to exercise? Head to a gym, find some new hiking spots, take up rock climbing, play some beach volleyball, the possibilities are endless. How sexy is it to see a guy reading? Look at @hotdudesreading if your answer isn’t automatically yes. Try setting up shop in a coffee house and see what cuties spark your eye. The grocery store is an amazing place to meet someone. I know it sounds cliche`, but it’s worked great for me when I’m not hitting TJ’s in my PJs and a bun on top of my head.
Why I have to even include this boggles my brain, but yet I do. Why do girls feel the need to stalk a guy? Do you really want to uncover how many girls they are talking too, who they are talking too, the ex GF and their life together? It isn’t fun! No one ever is like, “Oh wow, this was great! I feel so much better now that I have seen every ex-girlfriend he’s ever had, that vacation he took to Hawaii with bimbo #1, and when he and bimbo #2 got sparky the puppy together.” I know a girl who has 3 different Instagram accounts she toggles between. One is for stalking her ex-boyfriend to see what he is up to, who he is hanging with, and what girls he is talking to. The second is to stalk the current guys she is “dating” and “talking to” and find out their entire backstory before even making it to the second date. And third of course is her personal Instagram to act super-normal on (insert eye roll here). Make your life so much simpler, and just refrain from stalking.
Do you! This is the best advice you can receive for dating. If you want to party and have fun and have one night stands, go for it! If you are someone who wants to really focus on yourself, date one or two people, focus on your career, do it! Just make sure you spend your time really paying attention to yourself. Don’t waste your energy on guys who treat you poorly. This is your time to be the badass person you want to be!
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