When it comes to the truth of dating, the fact of the matter is that, unless you are in your very first relationship and the same applies to your boyfriend too, there is always going to be the memory or the presence of an ex or two hanging around. I’m not talking physical presence here, I’m talking about the feeling that, even though things seem to have been going well between the two of you, there is a degree of comparison going on in his head. Take a look at this list of telltale signs to try to figure out if he is comparing you to his ex!
Snapshot Survey
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1. Different Attachment Styles
Is he constantly referring to the fact that you don’t love him or show your affection in the same way that *blank* used to? This can be excused in the early stages of a relationship when you are getting out of old routines and moving into new, but if it continues to be referred to, then it’s a sign that he might actually be missing the old ways with the old girl.
2. Relationship with Family and Friends
Try to keep an eye on him when you are around his family and friends. Do you get the sense that he is watching how you interact with them and testing if you are doing better or worse than the old girlfriend?
Frequently asked questions
3. Sex
You can always tell when there is a disconnect in the bedroom. You have told him what you like, but he is continuing to do things that you haven’t asked for or encouraged. Could it be that the ex liked those things, and he is still caught in her web whilst being with you?
4. Handle Conflict
This kind of comparing behaviour can arise quite often in the heat of an argument. If you handle conflict differently to how his ex did, he might not be able to stop himself from saying something like “why are you so mad? *Blank* never used to mind”.
5. Life Values
Discussions about life values can also bring out this kind of behaviour. Talking about having kids for example. If you don’t want any, you might find him saying something like “oh, *blank* always wanted two so I’ve sort of got used to the idea”,
6. Household Habits
Have you noticed that he sometimes acts surprised and then asks questions about random little things that you do around the house? In his mind he is probably comparing your actions with his ex’s actions, because those are the actions that he had become accustomed to.
7. Different Hobbies
Depending on the things that you like to do outside of the relationship, he could very well be comparing your hobbies and passions with the hobbies and passions of his ex.
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