When one partner is keen to get married but the other isn't, it can create a difficult situation. The pro-marriage partner may think that all the other person needs is a little push, but this is not a good idea and may even be counter-productive. Here are some reasons you should never push your partner into getting married …
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1. Mutual Decision
Marriage should be a mutual decision, so don't let it become a goal to pursue at all costs. The cost could be more than you really want to pay. If your partner comes round to the idea of getting married, all well and good, but they need to do that in their own time, if it happens at all. Otherwise by pushing them to get married you are taking away their right to make their own choices and denying their voice.
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Not only that, respecting your partner's timeline reinforces the foundation of trust in your relationship. Imposing your own timeline can cause unnecessary stress and may lead to resentment or feelings of entrapment. Remember, a durable partnership thrives on patience and understanding, not on timelines and ultimatums. Your partner's hesitation doesn't necessarily signify a lack of commitment; they could have valid reservations or personal goals to achieve first. Cherish the journey you're on together, because once taken, the step into marriage is a profound one that should be walked in unison.
2. Refusal
Pushing your partner to get married can be risky. If you force the issue and keep on at them, you might not like their answer! As for issuing an ultimatum, forget it; the chances are very high that they will feel backed into a corner and refuse outright to even consider the idea of getting married. It could even end your relationship.
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Marriage should represent a mutual journey, not a battlefield. Communicate your desires and listen to theirs, fostering an environment for natural progression. Remember, lasting commitments are built on mutual respect and understanding, not coercion. If they’re not ready, respect their pace. Pushing too hard may lead to resentment or, worse, an unwillingness to work towards future shared goals. Keep the dialogue open without pressure; it may very well lead to the outcome you both desire when the timing is right.
Frequently asked questions
Pressuring your partner can create stress and resentment. It’s important to respect their timeline and feelings.
It can be risky because people often change a lot during their 20s. Rushing into marriage may lead to regrets later.
Talk openly with your partner about your feelings. It’s crucial to be on the same page and not do something just because of pressure.
Some men fear losing their freedom, financial burdens, or they just aren't ready for such a big commitment yet.
Set clear boundaries and explain that you and your partner need to make this decision on your own terms. It’s your life, after all!
3. Marriage Isn't for Everyone
It's certainly difficult when two partners have very different feelings about marriage. If they're reluctant, you'll have to decide if you would rather stay with them in an unmarried relationship, or if marriage is too important to you. You're not likely to achieve the outcome you desire by being pushy on the subject.
4. Risky
Even if your partner does reluctantly agree to get married, you're both taking a risk. They may always carry a feeling of resentment for being pushed into marriage, and you may come to feel that they aren't truly committed. The risk of divorce already exists, so there's no point increasing the odds.
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Moreover, this bred resentment can manifest in other detrimental ways. You might start questioning the authenticity of their affection or the sincerity of their actions, wondering if they're a product of genuine love or reluctant obligation. This pervasive doubt can cast a shadow over even the happiest of moments, tarnishing your trust and the overall health of the relationship. Love forced can often lead to a partnership lacking in intimacy and true connection, something that no amount of time or effort might heal, pushing the two of you even further apart.
5. Different Values
Ultimately you may have values that are too different from your partner. If you want to get married for cultural or religious reasons, you may have to look for a partner who shares those values. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't regard marriage with the same importance leaves you with a simple choice: would you rather be married to someone else, or is this person more important to you?
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Aligning values is crucial to ensuring longevity in a relationship. Differences in beliefs often lead to friction, especially surrounding significant life decisions such as having children, career priorities, and lifestyle choices. While compromise is part of any partnership, there's a limit to how much you can bend without breaking. Consider whether a middle ground exists, where both parties feel respected and fulfilled, or if the chasm is too wide. Remember, respecting each individual’s beliefs and values is fundamental—and sometimes love means letting go, rather than forcing change.
6. Underselling Yourself
Insisting on marrying someone who isn't equally keen to marry you is selling yourself short. Don't you value yourself more highly than that? If you really love the meaning and commitment of marriage, then wait until you meet someone who shares that view. Or value what you do have with someone who loves you. But don't try to persuade them to get married if they're not keen.
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Likewise, it's essential to remember that commitment is a two-way street. It's not about merely having a wedding; it's about building a life together with someone who is equally invested. Marriage is a partnership of mutual choices, desires, and aspirations. If your partner isn't ready, respect their feelings—it must be a decision made in joy, not one born out of pressure. True love is patient and confident in its value. Don't compromise your worth for a reluctant commitment; a strong and happy marriage can't be built on the shaky ground of uncertainty.
7. Matrimonial Obsession
Finally, consider if you're being a teeny bit obsessed with the idea of getting married. It hardly needs pointing out that marriage lasts a long time, whereas a wedding is just one day. But too many people do focus on the wedding, and pay less attention to what comes after. Do you want to marry your partner, or just get married?
Marriage is such a serious commitment that it should only be entered for the right reasons. And remember that it's not the only way a relationship is important. Love and commitment are the most essential values. Have you ever known a Bridezilla who's obsessed with getting married?
Comments
Isabella: Hm thanks :) yes he is my first love, i never dated before my 20s - he came along at the pefect time :)
Isabella: Valentina exactly, I know someone just like that atm but she likes this idea of having a baby to get him to propose - what do you think? I think that's just weird, even though it's been 5 years and she's in her 20s :/ If it were me I'd just wait for the right time..
Bling: Awe that's cute @Isabella Rossignuolo
Valentina: And what about the women that already love their boyfriends for years and out of the sudden they decide to marry, but it takes them a couple of weeks to be pushing the boyfriend just to proposed; does these counts as being pushy or as doing the right thing?
Isabella: Yeah we're on the same page Valentina, i think maybe he's just playing house or something and doesn't really want to follow through, what a shame :/
Isabella: Aww wow @kissmebbylove - i've known my man for 6 years but i didn't give him the chance straight away... Thanks Valentina :)
Matea: Hahaha i died. Turkey :D
Valentina: Yes I think that having a baby won't be the solution it will cause more problems at the end because the one suffering will be the baby, I know i have this friend that it's been with his girlfriend for ten years and they leave together and he end up proposing but because she insisted so much now they have been engaged for two year already what do you think about this Isabella?
kissmebbylove: ** because they truly want to do it. whoops lol :)
Isabella: Hm on a positive note, I've been with my man for about 4 years and in our first year together we had a chat about marriage and ever since we've been heading that way. He put his first payment on my engagement ring today. I had major butterflies as he did the transaction, I know we're meant to be :)
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