It is difficult to learn how not to let your past relationships affect your present one. I know this because it is a lesson I had to learn firsthand. When I met my charming and handsome husband, I was a bitter, hurt and fearful woman. Thankfully, with his love and patience, I overcame that. Here are some lessons I learned on how not to let your past relationships affect your present one along the way.
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1. Realize Not All Guys Are the Same
This was such a huge lesson for me at first. It seems silly to me now that I ever even entertained the thought that all men are the same. They aren’t and isn’t fair to make your current boyfriend or husband pay for the mistakes of those in your past. All women aren’t identical and neither are all men. This is lesson number one in how not to let your past relationships affect your present one.
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Every individual's journey in life is unique, which means that their behaviors and the patterns they develop are distinct. Clinging to the assumption that one man's actions predict another's is not only unfair but also inhibits the potential for genuine connection. Imagine the freedom of giving each relationship its own space to flourish without the weight of historical hurt. By actively recognizing the individuality of your partner, you invite a deeper understanding and respect into your relationship, offering a fresh start untainted by the specters of former flames.
2. Take Time to Heal
You know, it is best if you can take some time to heal before you get back out there in the dating game. It takes time for your heart to get over past hurts. I didn’t really take a lot of time to heal. I have no regrets but it meant a lot of understanding on my husband’s part in our early years. Unless fate hands you a gift like it did me, take at least a few months to a year to get over any serious relationship.
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3. Forgive Those Who Hurt You
Forgiveness is so powerful. I don’t think that we truly realize how powerful it can be. When we harbor resentment against someone from a past relationship, we are actually being held prisoner by this feeling. Choosing to forgive is a gift that you give yourself. It gives you freedom to move on.
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Releasing the grip of old grudges allows us to open our hearts to new possibilities. It doesn’t mean that what happened was okay, but rather that you’re no longer willing to let it control your happiness. When you forgive, you create space for joy and peace within your relationships. Letting go of the pain empowers you to embrace the present fully and build connections based on who you are now, not who you were then. Forgiveness sets the stage for a healthier, more loving future.
4. Look for a Different Kind of Person
Be intentional about finding someone different than the person who put scars on your heart. Finding someone different than the person who hurt you is emotionally healthier for you. It also helps you to move on because there are no reminders of the past. Think about what you are looking for in someone before you get back out there. It is better to take your time and find the right person than jump back in the dating game and make the same mistake twice.
5. Remember Everyone Has Been Hurt
Yes, you have been hurt. But more than likely, so have most of the people you may go on to date or marry. You don’t get too far in this life without gaining a few scars. You have a choice. You can hang on to those scars or realize that hurtful things happen to at least most of us and choose to move on.
6. Commit to Being Brave
Sometimes, one of the best things you can do to not let your past relationships affect your present one is just commit to being brave. It is much easier to be afraid and let fear hold you back. Be brave and dive back into the dating world. Don’t let the things that have happened in the past win. Be the winner by being brave.
7. Realize This is a Fresh Start
You know, every relationship is a fresh start. Look at it as if you are getting a clean slate. You don’t have anything against you and neither does the person you are entering into a relationship with. Stop dwelling on the past and allow the future to bring you new and exciting things. There are a lot of gifts to enjoy in moving on if we open our hearts to them.
It can be difficult to move past the hurts you have suffered in past relationships. How have you overcome this? I am interested in hearing your stories.
Comments
Skb3867: Marie- Have you read the book "men are from Mars women are from Venus: starting over"? I learned so much from that book when I was going through my break up.
Skb3867: Thank you so much for posting this article.
Rachel: I need help how do you learn to trust someone after being hurt so much in the past?
JayJay: how does a women overcome when nudity was a probem, always being compared to other girls even in movies? i just get so sad and angry when anything comes up. i know its not healthy and im trying to figure out how i can get over it
Marie: Just a short month before I just got out of the longest relationship that I have had, I'm finally completely over him, I mostly thank Aaron for that because he did a lot that helped me but when reading this bit and the last few weeks I've notice that well I'm still having some of the same old/bad behaviors that I know that aren't good for me to have that drive me away from him I'm not sure how to get out of that mind set. Any ideas I'm open to anything?
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