7 Things I Wish I Would Have Known after My First Long-Term Relationship Breakup ...

When you find yourself emotionally lost after a long-term relationship breakup, you might be wondering if things will ever get better. It can feel like you are drowning in a fierce sea of emotions especially when you weren’t expecting the relationship to end. If you need a bit of wisdom as you nurse your broken heart, I’m going to share with you a few things I learned in retrospect of my first long-term relationship breakup.

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We Are Not Friends

Although you may be on friendly terms with your ex, you are not true friends. It’s impossible to become friends immediately after a long-term relationship breakup while you are both reeling from painful emotions. Friendships can be formed in time but not until all romantic feelings have died. It’s common to hear an ex say that he still wants to remain friends but it’s only because he is trying to spare your feelings.

Impossible to Fight Rejection

If you are still deeply in love with your ex, you are going to want to try anything to bring her back in your arms. You might beg her to take you back. You might make promises to change whatever you think led to the demise of the relationship. You might try to convince her of the depth of your love and list all the reasons she should stay with you. But the truth is that this kind of post-breakup behavior only pushes them away and makes the situation worse.

Panic is Fleeting

You have been with this person a long time so you probably had dreams of the life that you were going to share together like getting married or having a family. But breaking up shatters all those expectations and leaves an awful anxiety about the future in its place. Fortunately, the panic will dissipate as you learn to live life without your ex. And all those dreams you had for the future can still be achieved but it will be with someone else.

Stop Comparing

Once you are ready to start dating again, you will automatically compare your date to your ex. You compare his sense of humor, the way he smiles, the way he dresses and any other of a million things. Comparing your ex to the present guy in such a way is pointless and a serious waste of time. It only cheats you out of happiness because you aren’t really giving the other guy a fair shot.

Pseudo-Relationship

There comes a point after a breakup where you might notice your ex acting just like you did when you were dating. He might play the role of boyfriend perfectly like he is there for you all the time, calls you pet names and spends time with you. If he initiated the breakup and doesn’t want to get back together, he’s using you to move on. This pseudo-relationship will only last until he finds someone new.

Verbal Crumbs during No Contact

Verbal crumbs are those random text messages or emails that you receive that say things like he misses you or is asking how you are doing. Verbal crumbs are always at your expense. The truth is that she is fishing for information that indicates you are still waiting for her so she can do as she pleases. The fact that she tosses verbal crumbs your way from time to time usually means she’s bored, has nothing better to do or hasn’t found anyone as awesome as you to date yet. When you respond and pour your heart out to her, she receives major boosts to her ego thus why you will get these messages when you least expect it.

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If you fall for these scraps of communication, you're essentially giving her permission to keep you on the backburner. It might be tempting to analyze every word, but remember—these messages are not commitments; they're mere distractions. Resist the urge to reply. Keeping the No Contact rule in this case is about self-respect. You deserve more than sporadic attention, and responding only sets a precedent that you're available for these mind games. Hold out for someone who will offer you a full meal, not just crumbs.

The Reality

If your ex wanted to get back together, he would say so. He would step up and admit that he made the biggest mistake in his life by letting you go. He would be willing to talk about the relationship such as the problems that caused you to break up and why he feels you guys should give it another try. Usually when he gets to that point, you have moved on and don’t even want him back.

Although it may feel like you will never find love like the one that you lost, its not true. You will love again and it will be even better the next time around. Can you share other things that you learned after a long-term relationship breakup?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Disagree with number 6. Sometimes they don't ask for information about you just to boost their ego. Sometimes we do it cuz we are too ashamed to say that we want you back and we want to see if you feel the same. If your answers tells us that you want the same, then we have more courage to let you know we want to be together again. If you completely don't want anything to do with us again, then we spare ourselves the embarrassment.

I'm currently in a 7 month relationship. It's a tough one, I'll admit to that. I lost my virginity to him, and I feel that's the main issue in why I'm still with him. He's a nice guy, ambitious, fun, lovable but we have trust issues... He's also 6 years older (25) and were definitely in different positions. He's almost done with med school and I'm still in college. We broke up 4 months ago, for a period of 5 days. He ended it bc "I didn't deserve someone like him, anger issues and emotionally abusive" but he still wanted to hang out and remain close friends. I went over to his town 3 days to pick up my stuff looking amazing with another friend, I picked up my stuff and then we all went to a bar and drank and next thing I know, we were hooking up and I woke up next to him the next day. I left, and for a day he didn't message me or call. I did and we decided to get back together since then things have been the same, he has gotten better in controlling his temper! But he doesn't show respect for me sometimes. He thinks that he's the only one who's stressed. Of school and work and he says so himself. I know there are good guys out there and that he's not the one" but I want him to, I just feel attached already and I don't know what to do. After he's done wih school he's planning on going back to California (his hometown) and were currently living in NY... Idk if I should keep this going on. I know that if I ended were gonna be done and never talk again, bc he's very manipulative and he'll make me come back.

I broke up a week ago and i feel so lonelu

I just ended something last month that lasted for 6 months and I can't talk to the guy the same way because he's upset about it but I just want to talk to him!!! #singlepringle

There r phases, for me phase one was guilty as in what did I do wrong. Phase two was self directed anger as in why did she treat me this way and why did I allow myself to be treated. Phase three is realization of the future steps. Right now after 1yr of break up I'm on higher border of phase two and three.

Thank you so much for putting this up! I am going through ALL of this right now, right from him still trying to be friends to the verbal crumbs, and it's not a nice place at all, but I'm picking myself up slowly and realising that life is too short to constantly be sad about such things....this post just motivated me to move on even more and realise that I have bigger, better things waiting for me, I just have to have the courage and faith to look up again...

What a strange use of he/she him/her..

I have been single now for almost three years after my ex dumped me. Since then, I've been doing some soul searching about my self and even achieved goals which I set my heart on ages ago when my ex and I were together. It was hard at first but set yourself some realistic goals and focus on achieving them. You will feel so proud of yourself and it will attract great new guys. Better, it will show your ex just what he's missing!

Over a month now since I broke up with long term boyfriend. It's hard, there is the roller coster of emotions... But all I can say is that time heals the wound! Just giving myself much more needed love and doing what I enjoy...

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