There is nothing more devastating to a relationship then cheating, and if it's happened to you, you're probably wondering how to move forward after infidelity. As if finding out your loved one cheated wasn’t horrible enough, next comes the really rough part. Do you stay or do you go? If there has been more than one cheating incident, my recommendation is to get out. This is not just a mistake. Sometimes cheating is a way of life and he intended to do it from the start and probably doesn’t intend to stop. Now if this is cheating incident #1 and he is otherwise a fantastic guy and is apologetic, then I’ve got some tips on how to move forward after infidelity.
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1. Don’t Be Paranoid
It is hard not to be paranoid after being cheated on. After all, you probably feel like if you were paranoid in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. Being paranoid and crazy is just not good for a healthy relationship and it isn’t going to do you any good now. This means no hunting for evidence of infidelity. Not in his home, not in his vehicle, not on his body. You are not slick. He knows what you are doing and I assure you if he sees it he will be annoyed. This means leave his phone alone! Yes ladies, I said it leave his phone alone! It is not yours and our phones nowadays contain our whole lives, you wouldn’t want someone reading your journal now, would you?
Besides you don’t need to see the phone to know if he has something to hide, if it rings and he snatches it so fast you're left with whiplash, If he won’t check his messages when he is around you, if he tilts the phone ever so slightly away from you when looking at it, something is wrong there. Which leads me to my last point. While being paranoid is bad, being aware is not. Stay aware ladies! That's the best answer for how to move forward after infidelity.
2. Communicate Location
Along with being paranoid, you will begin to constantly wonder where your man is. He has been away from you for 15 minutes. Could he be cheating? The best way to tackle this is to communicate a plan with your partner. If your partner isn’t willing to work with you on this, then is he really even sorry for his discretion? A location plan is simple and reasonable. Plan on how he will communicate his location and how often he will check in. A good plan is to call whenever he is moving locations and a 15 minute text back rate when he's at locations other than home. This is a great way to keep your mind at peace and prevent appearing crazy by calling a million times trying to figure out where he is.
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3. Talk about the Incident
This one is tricky because it can’t be done when things are still fresh. The reason this is healing is because you won’t have any question in your mind about if there's anyone else or how long he's been cheating. It clears your mind so you know what it was and there are no imagined scenarios playing in your head over and over. Your partner also has to be willing to talk it out. He has to understand that to have closure, you need to know these things. This is very hard to do and tears will very likely be shed, but if your partner can be patient, delicate and honest, this can be an incredibly healing experience. If your partner can’t do this or seems very unapologetic, maybe it's time to re-evaluate why you're choosing to stay.
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Engaging in open dialogue about the incident can be transformative for the relationship. It involves more than just recounting events; it's about expressing emotions and understanding the impact. Your partner needs to be ready to face tough questions and offer sincere apologies, while you may have to prepare yourself to hear painful truths. This form of vulnerable communication can lay the groundwork for rebuilding trust. Remember, healing takes time, and patience on both sides is crucial. However, if transparency isn't there, you might need to consider your own well-being – and if necessary, chart a new path forward.
4. Don’t Be Vindictive
If your intention of staying in the relationship is to inflict pain back on your partner, then please get out now! I assure you that you will get no gratification from this. You will only be more emotionally drained than you already were. Vindictive behavior isn’t always intentional, but sometimes you just become this mean heartless partner because you are now jaded, so stay aware of your actions. I know what you're thinking. Am I just supposed to let it go? No, of course not, but if you want a working relationship sometimes staying silent is better than spewing venom in your words. So no cheating on him to get even. That's not fair to anyone involved and I assure you that the relationship will never last if this occurs!
5. Don’t under Value Yourself
Cheating is his short fall not yours and it has nothing to do with you. You are fabulous and have something to offer no matter who you are. It is so easy to say “ok, I’ve been cheated on so what’s wrong with me”? The answer is nothing! Cheating shows insecurity in your partner and is not a reflection of you. Don’t let your confidence sway, because there is nothing sexier than confidence! Your partner likely loves your confidence too and your confidence will keep him realizing he has the best and there is no reason to ever look elsewhere again!
Good luck ladies. Life happens, but don’t be a victim. Raise your head and know that you are fabulous and deserve to be treated accordingly!
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Dahvyne: I need some advice..
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