Want to know how to stop overthinking in your relationship? Relationships aren't always easy. They're not always made up of blissful walks through the IKEA showroom, kisses in the rain, and morning-after omelets.
Even when you're with someone who, by anyone's standards, is nothing short of amazing, you still have to WORK at keeping your relationship fresh, fun, and exciting.
Because, as everyone knows, the honeymoon phase always ends eventually. You'll move past it and into a new phase of love. One that's based more on true companionship and comfort than fancy dates every weekend and hot, passionate sex every night.
When the honeymoon phase ends, it can be nerve-wracking, to say the least. You might find yourself questioning if your partner is still interested in you. "He used to send me a good morning text every morning, and now I only get them twice a week," you'll think. If, like me, you have a tendency to be anxious and overthink things in your life, these kinds of changes might send you down Google rabbit holes and into bouts of self-doubt and panic. That's why it's important to know how to stop overthinking in your relationship.
But, as much as you think reading all those articles about the unavoidable signs it's time to break up or signs you need a divorce are going to help, more than likely, they aren't. Trust me, as someone with a penchant for late-night Google rabbit holes, I'm speaking from experience.
Instead, if you start to overthink every little thing, like that one time he didn't give you your usual good morning kiss, make the decision to actively stop always assuming the worst. Ask yourself: What good does it really do? What does creating an issue where there is none accomplish? Nothing. All it does is make room for blame where there should be none. Either you think that you're doing something wrong in your relationship, or you're convinced that your partner is.
Rather than placing blame over a nonexistent issue, remind yourself that you're okay. Tell yourself that you, your partner, and the pair of you as a couple, are okay. Say it 3,000 times if you need to. Consider it your new mantra. You might find that a different reminder or reassurance works better for you, and if so, that's perfectly fine. Find a mantra that works for you and your personality – and remind yourself of it whenever you feel yourself going to a dark place.
And if you, too, find yourself going down late-night Google and social media rabbit holes, physically get up and step away from your computer. Place your phone across the room. Shut it off, if you need to. Leave your devices be for the rest of the day. Or at least for a few hours, if you can't make it that long.
If the internet and social media can be anything, it's toxic. It's a lot easier to make issues out of nothing when you have an entire arsenal of girls that your boyfriend follows on Instagram to look at. So, stop looking at them. And remember that he's with you. Not any of the other girls he follows or that follow him. You!
Finally, if you've tried your hardest to stop assuming the worst, creating problems out of nothing, and you've stepped away from all of your devices...but you're still struggling, it may benefit you to just be honest with your partner. Of course, it's not always easy to be vulnerable about your deepest emotions, insecurities, and doubts, but sometimes it's necessary. And opening up to your partner about them may make it easier for them to understand why you act the way you do, and that it has nothing to do with them.
Hopefully, after an honest discussion, they'll understand that it's simply your mind working against you and that sometimes all you need is a bit of reassurance. It's not that you believe you’re unworthy of their love or that they're not genuine in their feelings for you – just that sometimes your brain goes haywire and you can't help it. That's what anxiety is.
If they're a caring partner, they will try their best to be understanding even if it doesn't always make sense to them.
At least let them try.